Woman charges family £30 per adult for Christmas dinner!

[Butterfr33]

There's a lady whose story is circulating online and has appeared on 'This Morning'. She charges the adults in her family £30 each for food and drinks for Christmas Day. This has caused a lot of outrage!

AIBU to agree with her? One person can't be expected to pay for 12+ people's food and drinks, of course the should contribute! In the past she's tried 'bring a dish' but people were unreliable and most would forget!

I don't know- after last year I can see the woman's point.

I had relatives staying from abroad for 6 weeks last Christmas, they didn't lift a finger, ate and drank their fill, and all they bought was a jar of peanut butter.

Never again.

"You host, you pay. If she doesn't want to pay then she needs to stop inviting people."

That doesn't work for lower income familiesor, who all want to get-together over Christmas.

Many Families don't see it as 'hosting'. They decide or discuss what they want to do and then make it work.

Not everyone has houses that they can fit everyone in, in. So it sometimes falls to one or two people.

We'd always go to my Mums, but decide a kitty beforehand. Me and my Eldest would then do the shopping.
r many that you 'host' famil
It's an alien concept fo

It's an alien concept for many that you 'host' family.

Amazing how many people on here have 25-30 people around for Christmas lunch, and spend £1000 on it. In real life, I don't know a SOUL who does that. Not one. Only on mumsnet does this happen

My family never does this as there aren't enough of us but I do know many families who would have 20-30 people for Christmas lunch. Extended family can multiply very quickly. One of my friends will have 4 generations for Christmas lunch this year. I don't understand why you think this is so alien?

You host, you pay. If she doesn't want to pay then she needs to stop inviting people

I disagree so strongly with this. It is lovely to get everyone in the family together. Why should this only happen if one family member is wealthy enough to have a large enough house and be able to foot the food bill?

Although, stealth boast, we could all afford to foot the bill. The issue is that we can't take turns to host due to geography and feel as a group that it is unfair for my DBro and SIL to pay to feed us all year after year and have the hassle of getting their house ready and cooking.

If we were taking turns it would be a different matter. But we aren't

You host, you pay. If she doesn't want to pay then she needs to stop inviting people.

Great. So, everyone can stay at home, instead of spending Christmas as extended family, or as a group of friends.

It works well if every year it's hosted by different people, but it often isn't this way.

I have to admit to doing this once, but only because the year before my mum and I had bought everything for Christmas dinner. My OH invited his family and they turned up with absolutely nothing, not even a bottle of wine. My mum and I cooked for 12 people and not one of his family offered to help. The year after they asked if we were doing Christmas again so I charged them all a tenner.

In a small family of three generations and two siblings you'd have 10 people for Christmas dinner to get everyone together. Invite an aunt or uncle, potentially you may have great grandparents, or someone has more than two children (shocking I realise) and you can hit 20 without even thinking of in-laws.

To keep things fair you can:
a) rotate hosting so costs get spread out over time
b) host at one house and guests contribute via food/drink or money
c) decide that as no one person can afford to feed everyone, that everyone should stay at home for Christmas and say sod it to the idea of Christmas spirit and getting together as a family

My first thought was that this is okay to charge as people don't have to come. But then she mentioned that children aren't charged (i.e. childless people are subsiding those with children) and that her grandparents in law always come as otherwise they would be on their own. This means that they have to subsidise other people with children so that they aren't lonely at Christmas. That's really mean.

I'm just trying to work out how much I spend. So for my 20 people:

£70 on turkey & cocktail sausages & streaky bacon. Admittedly I get a butterflied fillet at cost. We don't do ham.
£25 for vegetables. Potatoes, parsnips, carrots, and brussels
£15 for bread sauce, chestnut roast & stuffing ingredients. Includes cranberry sauce
£60 on drinks (8 x prosecco and some non-alcoholic) People also bring wine.
£15 on mince pies & baklava
£30 on ingredients for desserts, including ice-cream & whipped cream

We don't do starters. £215 for dinner for 20 people.

The woman in the news does however factor in breakfast & lunch. I still wouldn't dream of asking for a contribution, but then I don't feel as if my family take the piss.

We are in the situation where our house is the only one (relatively) large enough to host the whole family, but in terms of income we're probably about the lowest.

So I host every year, do the shopping and all the food prep, have house guests for three days and other family members dropping in, but according to some pps I have to suck it up or just not have the big family Christmas? I'm being grabby if I ask for contributions because I don't want to get into debt but I do want to see my family?

Weird.

I'm guessing children are less expensive as they eat less meat, and drink much less booze.

yanbu

it's expensive hosting christmas - the food is (probably) more expensive than a normal sunday lunch. plus extra heating and energy costs.

30£ per adult seems reasonable to me

See at first I was a little bit like how can people be so lazy they'd rather pay £30 than bring a few things as we do in my family but now that I know her sons got allergies I know that makes it a totally different ball game (that sounds sarcastic but it isn't). My aunt and her daughter are both celiac and they each bring their own plates of food to microwave and eat to save cross contamination. I mean can you imagine somebody having a severe allergic reaction on Christmas and having to go to hospital? Kinda ruins Christmas.

People have a choice not to go, and host themselves over Christmas. The price of food is rising, it must cost a lot to feed and water 15 people. How about asking everybody to bring a bottle to share and a dish.

She might have had enough of cheeky feckers over the years.

But then she mentioned that children aren't charged (i.e. childless people are subsiding those with children)

Do we know if what she charges covers the whole cost (and work)?
It could be that the host covers the cost of the children and only wants some contribution from adults.

It's a bit urggh. Like others have said, don't host if you can't afford it (the clue is in the word host).
It's quite easy to allocate who buys what.
A brings/buys wine
B soft drinks/nibbles/crackers
C desserts
D other bits like sauces, cream etc.
Main host does the turkey and trimmings.
Items can be brought round on the day or dropped off in advance.

It's quite easy to allocate who buys what.

not if you deal with cheeky feckers who might think the smallest, cheapest thrkey is enough or who would bring just one bottle of drink for themselves ...

People bringing bits doesn't always work when folks are travelling distances.

I would imagine that all the adults would eat and drink far more than the few kids especially the cost of alcohol for 8 people over a whole day.

Much easier to do a single amount for each adult than keep a tally over the day of what everyone ate/drank then charge them!

They dont have to go if they dont want to they could, petish the thought peovide xmas breakfast, dinner and all day nibbles and drink for thier own family and stsy home. But i suspect all that work the mum does and food would cost out at more than £60 per family.

Charging your family for lunch when you have invited them is tacky and grabby. End of.

I agree, but there's no "End of" about it. I wouldn't do it myself, but obviously it works fine for many of the posters on this thread.

Meh, down to the individual family what they're happy with.

We just take it in turns to host. The visitors don't bring anything beyond some chocolates and a couple of bottles of wine, so the hosting family pays for everything and does most of the prep work. Everyone is happy with this because we are all well off enough to bear the full cost every other year. If anyone struggled with that then of course we would split the cost each year, or bring dishes.

Personally I prefer to contribute/receive cash than bring/receive dishes, if I am travelling it's a pain in the arse to bring a dish and if I'm hosting I prefer to organise the lot in advance and not be stressing about someone else forgetting something on the day.

Equally, if someones not happy with paying a contribution, they don't have to come. What isn't ok is expecting everyone else to subsidise your Christmas dinner year on year!

We don't charge, but family do offer. For a variety of reasons it makes most sense for us to host, we used to all take turns, so the cost was spread more evenly across the years, however as that is no longer possible, PIL offer to part fund it, which is generous and welcome of them. We simply can't afford to host every single year, but the alternative is them spending Christmas all separately.

Also, it isn't just Christmas Dinner, it's all day food/drink.

Bringing stuff doesn't work if you aren't driving and have to fit as many as you can, plus presents, in a taxi.

Maddie
If you had rtt you would see that this mum has tried this amd everyone conveniently 'forgot' to bring what they were supppsed to fo the poor womam was scrabnling about getting stuff last minute adding even more expense and work fir her

If your own children treat you like crap then i would be doing the same as her.