Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman charges family £30 per adult for Christmas dinner!

310 replies

Butterfr33 · 30/11/2017 07:55

There's a lady whose story is circulating online and has appeared on 'This Morning'. She charges the adults in her family £30 each for food and drinks for Christmas Day. This has caused a lot of outrage!

AIBU to agree with her? One person can't be expected to pay for 12+ people's food and drinks, of course the should contribute! In the past she's tried 'bring a dish' but people were unreliable and most would forget!

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 30/11/2017 09:37

Its not just 'supper' though is it? Its breakfast, xmas dinner, all day snacks and all the booze and drinks for the kids for 6 adults and all thier kids plus presents. It must cost a fortune.

If the family are quite happy for her to do all the shopping, prep and provide all that and cannit be arsed to contribute anything themselves they should pay towards it.

'Forgeting' to get something for xmas dinner is pathetic and grabby not the mum. Why should ahe be running around on xmas eve getting things they were supposed to bring?

user1495451339 · 30/11/2017 09:37

We just pay if we are hosting - however we only host about once every 3 or 4 years and if we are not at ours we will bring a starter or dessert course. If we were hosting every year I would be less keen to pay for everything!

thecatsthecats · 30/11/2017 09:40

Christmas hosting is different from normal hosting, unless you usually invite people to your home for a whole slap-up day of feasting. For a normal Sunday lunch, it's surely just the roast plus a drink or two and guests bring a bottle, as opposed to all the meals etc.

Hosting Christmas is usually based on having the space and facilities to do it for the number of people who want to share the day. For 12 people plus kids, I imagine she's the only one who can.

I've never done it, but most people I know arrange it so that the hosts do the main meal, and the guests bring ALL the sundries - cheese, puddings, all the drink, chocolates etc

LadyinCement · 30/11/2017 09:45

Wish I'd done this with my in-laws. Every flippin' year they came for Christmas, always completely empty handed.

But one year they produced, with massive fanfare, a box of crackers! Yay!!! (But with two crackers carefully removed which mil said they would be using on New Year's Eve...)

OliviaStabler · 30/11/2017 09:45

@Butterfr33

Not rude at all Hmm They invited me around specifically for Christmas dinner so I would expect them to provide just that, just as I provide dinner when they come to my house and I host.

I would arrive with wine / champagne / alcoholic drinks, maybe some flowers, as I always would when attending any dinner party or event at someone's house but I would not pay towards the food, that is part of being a host as far as I am concerned.

bluetongue · 30/11/2017 09:45

I wouldn’t mind paying for food. My work is crazy leading up to Christmas and then I’m back on 27 December so the last thing I feel like doing is food shopping and cooking some kind of dish to bring ( I hate cooking.)

Drinks are a different matter. I barely drink any alcohol and usually have to drive on christas day so would rather not pay for others to guzzle champagne.

stitchglitched · 30/11/2017 09:46

She isn't grabby at all. She hosts every single year, why should the cost always be on her and a group of other adults always get a free xmas? 30 pound per adult is nothing for all that food, alcohol and treats. They are getting a bargain and none of the stress either.

greendale17 · 30/11/2017 09:48

Very rude to charge. If you can't afford it, don't offer to host!

^Completely agree with this

Rebeccaslicker · 30/11/2017 09:48

My best mate's uncle does this - invites the extended family and charges everyone. It sticks in the throat as he's a genuine billionaire!

MaidOfStars · 30/11/2017 09:48

When we have Christmas with my husband’s family (seven of us), there is only one house an option for venue - his niece’s. His sister, niece’s Mum (obviously), does all the organisation and cooking the main dinner. Niece is a whizz baker so does puddings.

I have tried, every occasion, to contribute time and money. In terms of time, she may occasionally ask me to put piles of rubbish out etc. I am not allowed to go near cooking - there are spreadsheets and timelines on the wall, and she’s not a good delegator in any aspect of her life.

She won’t take hard cash from us. Once, we brought The Cheese, but what really happened was we tried to ‘cover our plate’ in value and ended up with far too much cheese!

This year, I have persuaded her to let us take care of the booze and spelled out that this does not mean ‘We’ll bring our own’ but that ‘We will provide for all day and for all courses for all people’. So baby steps.

I feel awful that we freeload (if decreasingly so in money but always in time/effort), and especially so as my husband and I outearn everyone by some measure. I try to pay it back in sneaky ways (for example, I organised a holiday a few years ago and we paid for stuff and, um, forgot to include it in the split).

I don’t blame her though. I wouldn’t take any money off people if I were hosting. It feels mercenary, even if I understand why it happens.

senzaparole03 · 30/11/2017 09:50

It just depends on how it is framed, really, doesn't it?

I have christmas day/dinner in my sister's house (with my elderly parents) and I tend to go with her for the big 'food shop' ahead of christmas week, and put in usually 150 or so towards it.

My fiancé spends christmas day in his parents' house. his parents sort all the food and he and his brothers sort all the drinks for the few days.

Honestly, most probably contribute to the family (if they're considerate or aware in any way) but if you specifically ask people it is suddenly seemed to be inappropriate or mean! If it works for her and her family, then why not?

JingsMahBucket · 30/11/2017 09:50

She's probably not charging enough, to be honest.

HistoryMad · 30/11/2017 09:50

Its the pressure of hosting that I'd want to be paid for, not the food, and I would happily pay it as it takes the pressure off!

stitchglitched · 30/11/2017 09:50

She has become the default host as her home is the only one big enough. Do people really think others should get a free xmas every single year with all the burden on one person? She tried the bring a dish way and it didn't work.

Grimbles · 30/11/2017 09:51

I usually spend more than £30 on drinks and other stuff to take to our family Christmas gathering.

This year we are getting a caterer which his costing £25 per person.

I don't see a problem with 1 person saying I'll do the shop and cook, prepare and host if you guys chip in £30 each to cover it.

2rebecca · 30/11/2017 09:51

Why has this woman decided to approach the media? That is the bit I find starngest here, plus if money is tight why invite your ex and his parents? Suspect I'd just reduce the guest list especially those who don't contribute but I have no desire to be the extended family skivvy even if I'm getting paid for it. It is rather attention seeking

LemonysSnicket · 30/11/2017 09:51

People saying rhey wouldnt charge for a 'meal in my home' ... of course you wouldnt charge for a shepherds pie for a monday. But, a full christmas dinner with starters, desserts, cheeseboard, alcohol, nibbles and crackers .... for 12-16 people she said. Thats incredibly expensive if noone brings anything.

tinysparklyshoes · 30/11/2017 09:54

As usual it isn't what you do but how you do it. Talking to your family, offering to host on the basis that everyone contributes a mutually agreed amount is totally fine. Inviting everyone to yours and then presenting them with a bill for an amount you decided is totally not fine.

dustarr73 · 30/11/2017 09:57

If it was alternated every year or they brought something.No i wouldnt charge.But its always on her,why should she foot the bill every year.

And the cf are the people who turn up every year empty handed.

Lilliepixie · 30/11/2017 09:59

£30 each is a bargain !

If someone invited me for xmas day I'd expect to pay my way in some form. Offer to pay for the wine or champagne or starters/dessert e.g. If the host suggested a certain amount per head. I think that's a sensible way to do it.
You really can't expect to go to someone's house and eat and drink all day for free.

ZigZagandDustin · 30/11/2017 09:59

My turkey and ham alone will cost £100+

So as an estimate for 8 adults coming to me:
2 bottles Champagne - £60
Wine matched per course (7 bottles) - £105
Starter salmon and brown bread, accompaniments - £20
Turkey and ham - £120
Main side dishes - £30
Deserts - £12
Cheeseboard - £10
Christmas crackers - £12

And that's conservative. So I'm looking at £370 at least for just the main parts of the meal.

I won't be charging anyone but will give each adult a small thing to bring like smoked salmon from one couple, one of the deserts from another, and my mum is all over it with prepping lots of the small things already.

But people who just rock up for Christmas dinner at others houses really have no clue how kind their hosts are being.

thecatsthecats · 30/11/2017 10:02

One thing that is baffling me about this thread is all this talk of starters.

Yes, there's lots of other bits and bobs around Christmas dinner - nibbles, canapes, cheese after etc, but I've never heard of anyone serving a course of starters - just a massive table groaning with food, surely?

tinysparklyshoes · 30/11/2017 10:03

You've never heard of a starter with Xmas dinner? You've never read a magazine or newspaper or seen a cooking show or read MN near Xmas?
A starter is a perfectly normal thing to have.

MaidOfStars · 30/11/2017 10:03

We have starters! This year it’s some kind of terrine.

dangermouse7 · 30/11/2017 10:06

@butterfr33

Well if you're happy to be the CF who eats and drinks other people's food and drinks for free then that's your prerogative!

What an incredibly nasty, mean-spirited, spiteful comment. Sad

And what are you on about anyway?! I said it wouldn't be for me, and I wouldn't go. Why are you being so spiteful and mean? Did I hit a raw nerve or something?

I have my family and friends around for a bite to eat and a drink at Christmas, I don't charge them, and I never have! They have me around, and don't charge me, and never have. We tend to take a few nibbles and a couple of bottles of booze around, but charging family to eat at your house just doesn't sit well with me, and I quite within my rights to say that without being attacked. Hmm

I suppose you have a printed menu at your house do you? 50p for a mince pie, £3 for a glass of sherry, £2 for a bowl of doritos, £40 for Christmas lunch, etc etc,....

Tacky, and grabby. That's what it is, inviting people around and charging them.

I would never have you in my friendship group in a million month of Sundays. I am amazed anyone wants to come to your house. You sound very unpleasant.

And you sound a LOT like the woman you mentioned in your OP! Wink

The amounts some people are coming out with on here (that they spend on Christmas day food) are outlandish and ludicrous.