To think some women are smug about not having dessert?

[Tobythecat]

It seems to be mainly the older women, but I've noticed that a few of the social groups that I go to (there are a lot of older women there) seem horrified when asked to pick their three course lunch for Christmas at a local restaurant. They are fine with starters, but a lot of them say things like "I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me" in a really judgy tone. The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

I don't know if it's because women are supposed to be seen as dainty and ladylike and not have big appetites, but it just comes across as so smug.

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

I am overweight and I have probably only managed to eat a three course meal a handful of times in my life, almost never and often struggle with two. A starter and a main is really daunting to me! You can be someone who eats a lot or eats high calorie snacks without being someone who can eat a lot at once.

BarbaraofSeville that is awkward, I grant you. I read a perfect response to these kinds of rude questions once... it was this:

*"If you'll forgive my rudeness for not answering your question, I'll forgive yours for asking it". Tinkly laugh optional.

I've used that twice myself.

Lwejji but I suppose it depends whether you need to expand on that. Or do you just order what it is you want without making the additional comments?

I don’t really like puddings, and there’s rarely cheese on three-course festive menus. Maybe they just don’t want to admit to not liking puddings because nobody ever believes you!!

This! I'm just not a pudding fan, and hardly ever want dessert. Some people find that really hard to understand especially you, MIL so probably say it to make life easier!
"Are you sure you don't want a dessert?"
"Me, no thank you."
"Not even a bit of ice cream?"
Me - No thank you.

Waitress comes round - "Ooh, I'll have one, I really shouldn't. (Why, if you want one? Just say you want one!)
"Pumpkin's being good, not having one."
I'M NOT BEING GOOD, I JUST DON'T LIKE BLOODY DESSERT!

I’m an older lady, actually I’m not, I’m a 59 yo woman. ‘Lady’ is such a prissy term, isn’t it?

You’re being a bit of a judgy 20 something aren’t you. Eat pudding if you want to and don’t waste your time with whether others do. Most of us have learnt not to let that sort of thing annoy us.

The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal

She could be telling the truth though. I'm 19 stone and I feel unwell if I eat three courses. Don't get me wrong, I do eat too much, but not in one sitting. I like high calorie snacks and chocolate. I ate a little too much, spread out over the day, every day for 20 years, I didn't gain that weight by eating a couple of 5 course meals in a short period of time .

I've rarely manage 3 courses. But I like my puds so I'll skip the starter. Starters are often dull anyway (except garlic bread). A good gawp at the menu first tells you whether you need to be saving yourself for later or getting in quick.

I never have 3 courses. I can barely manage two and given the choice, would always choose soup over a dessert.

I am also not slim but very smug. And yet it's never occurred to me to be smug about not wanting a dessert (missed opportunities?).

Nor have I ever met someone who's smug about not wanting a dessert.

I'm a size 14 and could never eat a three course meal. I never have dessert. I'm more of a grazer and can't eat too much in one go, I can never finish a big meal. Plus I'm not fussed on desserts anyway. So to say a 20 stone woman isnt stuffing her face with all three courses just to appear ladylike is fucking nasty. .

I had to go gluten free about 3 years ago and try not to make a big deal about it so just choose carefully
There is very rarely a dessert option for me or it’s very boring so have a coffee instead

I always eat pudding.

I hate how sugar and sweet things are associated with being a woman, like you're somehow kidding yourself if you dont have dessert.

Im skinny and I always have a starter and main. Occasionally I will have a dessert if something really stands out to me. I hate being judged as if I were on a diet or starving myself just because I dont want to shove fucking profiteroles down my gob having already chowed down on a Stilton soup and toad in the hole.

* The best one was from one of the women who is about 20 stone saying she couldn't eat a two or three course meal* 

What a shitty thing to say! So because she was on the larger side you assume that she should be sitting there shovelling food into her face because she's fat so why the hell is she pretending to be full????

Maybe she's trying to cut down. Maybe she's had a gastric band. Maybe she just doesn't like pudding. Maybe she's genuinely full. Maybe she's allergic. Or maybe it's none of your business because people are entitled to make their own food choices which have nothing to do with you or your fat-shaming ideals.

Various comments on cheese. I like cheese, really like cheese but have never had it in a restaurant, because it seems to be a bit of a cop out.

You can have cheese at home with not effort whatsoever. And I only get dessert if it's a set menu, and that rarely includes cheese.

When eating out I want to eat something that would be difficult or time consuming to make at home, or need loads of unusual ingredients that you don't want to buy and use one spoonful and then struggle to use the rest.

I rarely order dessert when out for a meal, but always have it at home because I have it 45 minutes after dinner when there's some room in the belly again 😂

Lwejji but I suppose it depends whether you need to expand on that. Or do you just order what it is you want without making the additional comments?

I might say this, or not.

"I couldn't eat dessert as well, it would be too much for me"

Is just that. Too much for me. I don't see the smugness or judgement there. Apart from the OP.

Having said that, for set meals like this, I just choose what I want from all courses. I just eat less of the main meal if I really fancy the dessert. But I like desserts.
But I'd rather have less food in general.

Or maybe what those women are saying is that they can't eat all that because they are controlling their weight.

Still don't see any smugness. Odd term.
Or judgement.

Much better to be smug about eating all three courses, and eat massive portions of whatever you like without ever putting weight on

Yup. Not smug. I am v particular about what puddings I eat. I prefer savory ams to tempt me to eat a sweet I have to either be hungry (even then I'm likely to pass it up) or it has to be a favourite of mine. Stone over weight here.

Has the OP fallen into a vat of rice pudding disappeared?

I could usually manage a pudding, but rarely have one simply because I want to avoid gaining weight. I save puddings for very special occasions and venues - it's unlikely a work 'do' would fall into that category. If asked I'll give the honest reason that puddings are too fattening for me to eat regularly.

why do you think they are being smug? Have you ever thought that they really honestly cant manage 3 courses?

I went out with some colleagues last week, and were offered puddings by our host after the main course, and I said no, whilst all the others said yes. I said no because I have been on a low-carb diet for a while and have successfully got out of the habit of eating sweet/carby things, and although I've lost quite a lot of weight I'm not there yet. I didn't explain that or make a fuss, just drank a coffee and watched them eat their lovely looking puddings. So I don't think I was being "smug" but I might have looked a bit boot-faced as it meant the meal took another half hour or so and we had more of the meeting to do afterwards. It can be quite hard not having treats!

AIBU to think that some women are really smug about the whole cake/dessert thing?

Well, if you apply it to me, then yes, YABU. I don't like cake and I won't be eating it to make anyone else happy. Bring on the cheeseboARD [BLUSH]

There are people on this thread describing us three-coursers as 'shovelling and guzzling' and 'eating until your sick'.

Yes, and the comments just keep coming... e.g.,

I dont want to shove fucking profiteroles down my gob having already chowed down on a Stilton soup and toad in the hole.

you assume that she should be sitting there shovelling food into her face

Because I'm a ten ton tessie I've got to prove it to you by eating all three courses so you can sit there and inwardly tell yourself that's why she's a chubster.

Actually, no, I just don't eat that much in one sitting.

I have however come across a competitive undereater- my mother is one.