Seat for pregnant woman on the train

[Bobbiepin]

DH came home and told me about what happened on the train, I have my opinion on this but would like to get others'.

DH was sat in the middle of the carriage, every seat was full, with women sitting in the priority seats. A pregnant woman got on at a later stop and a standing man told DH to stand. DH said that the women in the priority seats should give up their seat, as they are in the priority seats and closest to the woman rather than her moving half way down the carriage.

This man (who wasn't travelling with pregnant woman) then proceeded to shout at my DH telling him he should be ashamed of himself & 'Don't you know what chivalry is?'

DH responded that he believed in equality and that there's nothing wrong with asking a woman (especially ones in priority seats) to give up their seat. He did give the woman his seat but was a bit put out by the whole experience.

Was he BU by expecting that anyone could give up a seat? Or should he have moved without a fuss just because he is a man?

Hopefully if he feels so strongly he makes equally pointed gestures for the sake of equality in other areas of his life too?
Insisting that he's paid the same amount as any females in similar roles at work, complaining if the highest paid positions are dominated by men and so on.

The other man seemed to take it upon himself to seat the pregnant lady. Was she asked of she wanted to sit down? Being pregnant is not a disability that stops your legs working

ILostIt

Indeed.

Bobbie - he only gave it up because he was shamed into doing so - and even then he sank so low as to quibble over the women in priority seats! Sorry but it's a disgrace.

Being pregnant is not a disability that stops your legs working

Sigh - No one said it was.

But as a society, we look after pregnant women (or we are supposed too) because it's the right thing to do.

Leaving one standing there just to have a bollocks argument about equality is the height of twattery.

@ilostit to be fair he kinda does, he works for a very successful woman in a relatively female dominated industry. He would be happy to stay at home with our daughter if I wanted to go back to work early, and we've discussed him staying at home more when I go back to work. He's not perfect but he does believe in things being equal, and I'm glad he'll model that with DD.

Is this a train where seats are reserved? Also how long is the journey?

For work, I regularly travel long distance (2-3 hour journeys) during peak times with Virgin and reserve seats. If someone was in my seat or asked me to move for the whole 2.5 hours I’d be annoyed and after a partial ticket refund - pregnant or not, why haven’t they reserved seats like the rest of us, do they even have a ticket?

However if it’s a shorter trip I would have given her the seat.

I normally walk home from work but braved the packed bus a few times towards the end of my pregnancy when walking was getting uncomfortable. It was a young woman who offered her seat every single time. DH reckons men are too worried about causing offense in some way. Maybe some worried that I was just fat (was very obviously heavily pregnant) or that it would be patronising.

Well he sounds great. He made a poor judgement call in this situation though. A busy train isn't the place to start riding a moral high horse.

It was bad manners to argue the point, and out of respect for fellow passengers he shouldn't have had a confrontation.

It's the law that you don't interact with any passengers on public transport unless you're offering a seat or saying Excuse Me. Them's the rules.

@Mumof56 "Pregnancy doesn't stop your legs from working" is right up there with the Daily Mail readership's favourite "why should I be inconvenienced for her decision to have kids".

I never requested anyone to give up their seat for me when I had every right to, just because I didn't want confrontation. But I would've been glad if anyone, man or woman, called out any of the people who pretended I didn't exist.

DH responded that he believed in equality and that there's nothing wrong with asking a woman (especially ones in priority seats) to give up their seat.

Why is it some men only call for equality when they can't be arsed doing something? 🤔 seeing as he cares so very much about equality what is he doing to tackle the pay gap, sexual assaults against women and women getting into STEM?

Maybe the women were in the priority seats because they needed them. Your DH should have just got up, it's the kind and decent thing to do. I'd be so embarrassed of my DH behaved like that

Currently pregnant - very visibly so - and even though I have the badge, and a massive bump, I still sometimes find nobody gets up and offers their seat. And when nobody does, I feel too awkward to ask for someone to move unless I'm feeling really faint or knackered and therefore asking is the lesser of two evils.

In th ordinary scheme of things, yes the people in the priority seats should move first but as others have said, there is always the risk that they have hidden disabilities.

Yes, it's shitty that the man picked on your husband individually but unless he too has a hidden disability and needed the seat then frankly it's pretty shitty of him too to not have just got up and let the pregnant lady sit down, imo.

Ps should add that this is on the tube, not train. I wouldn't ask anyone to give up their reserved seat for me....

OP would he have moved for an elderly person or a person on crutches? Does he believe they're only allowed to sit in the priority seat or is it just that he reserves his disdain for women?

@cherry he has no disdain for the woman whatsoever, and had no problem giving up his seat. Yes he would give up his seat for the other people you mentioned.

He was annoyed at the man shouting at him on the train, not at the woman.

How embarrassing that you married this moron.

and had no problem giving up his seat.

With respect, I'd beg to differ based on your OP. If he only had a problem with the man shouting why didn't he just say 'happy to give my seat up but no need to be so rude'.

Your dh didn't know the women in the priority seats didn't need them.

This. He sounds rather pompous and self-righteous. I can't bear men who think they can bully and lecture women about feminism and equality.

By the way, has he offered to take a 15% pay cut? Because of course if he's such a believer in equality that he'll lecture women in public about it, he will not want to be part of the inequality in which men get paid more, would he?

He acted like a twat OP. If he's so keen on equality, I second what the poster upthread said about focusing on addressing the pay gap and so on rather than quibbling about giving a pregnant woman a seat.

Yeah I'm hoping he's a strong advocate for women's rights, being so into equality and everything

I'm with your DH - priority seats are there for exactly this reason and whether it was a man or a woman they should vacate for someone more in need.
Equality means we are equal and have equal need for a seat after a long day and equal responsibility to consider others.
I don't think as a woman I can expect equality and play the victim card as being a meek, entitled woman when it suits. Good on him for standing his ground and for giving you his seat.

Oh, dear, poor husband of OP. I suspect if he could rerun it, he would get up immediately and usher the needy commuter to the seat, while saying to the officious twat (who was probably annoyed that he - OT - didn't have a seat and so lashed out at the nearest person - he really does sound like a bundle of aggression in search of an outlet), "Happy to give up my seat, of course, but I wonder why you are asking me in particular when there are at least a dozen seats which could be offered that are closer to the person that needs it? Is my particular occupation of this particular seat annoying you?" The blether about equality I'm sure is making him cringe, but tired, distracted people say all sorts of shit when what they really want to say is, "Why don't you shut the fuck up you virtue-signalling, self-satisfied prick? There are plenty of other people in this carriage who failed to notice that she needs a seat, but you are making me out to be the only one who is too sunk into my own little world to to have any manners. Who died and made you king of courtesy, eh?" He was annoyed by the officious twat, and so got into a stupid argument with him, the terms of which he would not stand by, I'll bet, in a cool moment. Nobody looks or feels good in that circumstance.
Ah, well, OP, I'm sure those people who are criticising your husband are never, ever wrong or even wrong-footed! How marvellous to always be so perfect and in control.

@Cromwell thank you that made me laugh. It must be a tough life being so perfect!

Cromwell

Blimey. I'd hate to meet you on the Central Line

Maybe the self-satisfied virtue-signalling officious prick was tired too

Lots of perfect people on MN, OP....how fortunate the rest of us are to have the benefit of their immaculate insight.