Seat for pregnant woman on the train

[Bobbiepin]

DH came home and told me about what happened on the train, I have my opinion on this but would like to get others'.

DH was sat in the middle of the carriage, every seat was full, with women sitting in the priority seats. A pregnant woman got on at a later stop and a standing man told DH to stand. DH said that the women in the priority seats should give up their seat, as they are in the priority seats and closest to the woman rather than her moving half way down the carriage.

This man (who wasn't travelling with pregnant woman) then proceeded to shout at my DH telling him he should be ashamed of himself & 'Don't you know what chivalry is?'

DH responded that he believed in equality and that there's nothing wrong with asking a woman (especially ones in priority seats) to give up their seat. He did give the woman his seat but was a bit put out by the whole experience.

Was he BU by expecting that anyone could give up a seat? Or should he have moved without a fuss just because he is a man?

Of course people know they are being rude. :o

Why would they be nice about someone they thought behaved like a complete arsehole?

We are all adults here - It's fine to say 'What a twat' if that's how you feel.

I mean, obviously not as a personal attack or anyfink...

Ahem.

This makes me wonder whether the introduction of priority seats has made things worse. Once upon a time anyone able bodied would have known it was their responsibility to give their seat up for someone who needed it.

Now it just sounds like people thank the Lord they didn't have to sit in a priority seat, stick their headphones in and assume it's someone else's responsibility to help out someone on need.

How sad. Your dh was very rude and should have offered the pregnant woman his seat before the other man even had a chance to tell him off.

I say to your DH what I say to my son, "it's better to be kind than right" (disclaimer: not always!) - he is autistic and needs help understanding that sometimes telling his teacher his grammar is incorrect, or pointing out inaccurate historical facts or might be factually correct but it is not helpful from a social point of view.

I travelled down to London at 34 weeks pregnant, on crutches with SPD and not a soul offered me a seat on the underground. Manners and empathy are practically non-existent these days.

Having said that, my middle child has dreadful balance and can't stand on a moving vehicle. When we've been on the park and ride, I've often been glared at for her staying in a seat when other people get on. I always stand to give elderly, pregnant or obviously disabled people my seat if needs be, despite having arthritis and chronic fatigue syndrome myself. I just can't be doing with all the aggression I get from people who think I look fine so must be fine.

He was right I suppose but my husband would have got straight up without having to be asked, as would I.

The fact is nobody reacts particularly well when being singled out in a crowd by some loud self righteous prick when moments earlier you were engrossed in your paper or book. A rush hour carriage easily has 100+ people on board, it probably would have been more hassle and uncomfortable for the pregnant women to shuffle her way down the busy aisle to get said seat when someone near to the doors should have volunteered.

The existence of priority seats does not absolve those sat elsewhere from their moral responsibility to offer their seat to someone in greater need than themselves.

Yes, the man who singled out your husband was also wrong, but your DH should have willingly offered his seat without being asked. Any able person should have. Sex doesn't come into it.

No one knows what any stranger's need to sit is so let's just disregard everyone else sat on the train. All we can really know is our own health/ability to stand and judge whether we are able to offer our seat to someone else who appears to be in need.

Arguing with the man because your DH felt it is someone else's responsibility to give up a seat is pathetic.

I would be very embarrassed if my husband or son had behaved like this. They would have offered , not insisted those in priority seats should move.

It's fine to ask people not in priority seats if they're able to stand up for this person at all, they can say no if they can't.

Yes, but the issue I'm having is some people saying it's not ok to ask those in priority seats to budge at all (hidden disabilities etc), but fine to ask those in others. It's bs. It's just as easy for an entitled person to seat their non-priority ass down on a priority seat and then refuse to look at anyone in need getting on.

I'm just interested in how the logic of this view plays out.

My son would jump up for a pregnant woman to have a seat, as would I, and insist. No bother.
Shame on your DP for being so entitled and devoid of decency that he believes a woman in the priority seat should have vacated rather than himself. His first week back from paternity leave aswell. Mortifiying.

@thegrin why should he? That's the point of priority seats, for them to be easily accessible for people who need them, not to make a pregnant woman walk down the carriage for the man to move because no one else would.

All the people who didn't have an additional need for the seat but stayed sitting were being u. Your dh became a bit more u than the others (assuming on law of averages that some of the other sitters didn't have priority needs) when he argued about it.

If those in the priority seats didn't have any need for them they were included in being unreasonable but this did not mean your h shouldn't have got up, especially when asked.

I'd give up my seat to a preggie woman no question, but i did this on a hot tube train last year and she didn't even say thanks;(

Also, could you point me in the direction of this world your dh lives in when men and women have equality please? I'd like to visit.

Men (some men) seem quite happy to accept being paid more for the same work and all their other advantages but are quick to say women should lose any small advantages they ever had.

Plus if it's a free for all for the seats men do have a much greater chance of getting them as they can shove all the women out of the way, which I see every day. So it's arguable that giving up seats was just an exercise in men not taking advantage of their ability to get there first!

Bobbie because it should be assumed that the people seated in the priority seats, are sat there because they're a priority!

The scene was probably something like this fine piece of artwork I’ve produced here.

Black blobs are random standing people.

Green blob is pregnant lady.

Blue blob is self-righteous, virtue-signaling prick.

Yellow blob is OP’s DH.

Priority seats are the red ones.

All seats in carriage are occupied.

Why should he?

Because getting up to let the woman have a seat should be more important than whatever perceived injustice he felt.

Squabbling about it while she stood there was a shitty thing to do.

Shelly

Surely the couple in the double bed located in the top right of your diagram should give up some space for the pregnant women?

Because getting up to let the woman have a seat should be more important than whatever perceived injustice he felt

Squabbling about it while she stood there was a shitty thing to do

Exactly.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Yes - if the bloke in that bed wasn’t manspreading there would be room for her.

@cracker yes, he told me I should sit down when people offered me a seat even if I didn't need it/was only going one stop/was more comfortable standing. He wasn't arguing that he shouldn't rather tgat people closer to her should. He knows when I needed a seat it was better to be closer to the door rather than have to squeeze down the carriage for a seat.

@thegrin on a rush hour train people will take any seat. The priority seats aren't left empty if people don't have a specific use for them, people sit down.

@shellyboobs I admire your commitment to this, bravo!

You have no idea of th circumstances of those in the priority seats.

I had to get a long train journey at about 12 weeks pregnant. I had hyperemesis, was not showing at all and felt terrible, lightheaded and faint. There were no seats on the train and it was a 3 hour journey. I felt like I would pass out several times. I ended up needing to sit on the floor. No one offered me a seat and why would they. All they saw was a young, able bodied female.

Fast forward a few months when I was obviously pregnant, but feeling great, full of energy and no sickness or nausea and I was offered several seats every time I got a train.

Invisible disabilities are real and I certainly needed that seat a lot more at 12 weeks than I did at 30 weeks. If I had been in the priority seats at 12 weeks and asked to move or made to feel bad for not moving I’d have felt terrible and embarrassed.

If your DH was able to stand the. He should have just offered his seat without being asked instead of trying to pick on others who may have had their own reasons for not moving.

I have no idea what is wrong with commuters, they can be so rude. I gave up my priority seat when I was pregnant to a lady who was also pregnant but looked exhausted and much more in need of the seat than I was because nobody else would - all eyes down pretending not to see because they didn't want to move.