Seat for pregnant woman on the train

[Bobbiepin]

DH came home and told me about what happened on the train, I have my opinion on this but would like to get others'.

DH was sat in the middle of the carriage, every seat was full, with women sitting in the priority seats. A pregnant woman got on at a later stop and a standing man told DH to stand. DH said that the women in the priority seats should give up their seat, as they are in the priority seats and closest to the woman rather than her moving half way down the carriage.

This man (who wasn't travelling with pregnant woman) then proceeded to shout at my DH telling him he should be ashamed of himself & 'Don't you know what chivalry is?'

DH responded that he believed in equality and that there's nothing wrong with asking a woman (especially ones in priority seats) to give up their seat. He did give the woman his seat but was a bit put out by the whole experience.

Was he BU by expecting that anyone could give up a seat? Or should he have moved without a fuss just because he is a man?

Cromwell1536 you’ve nailed it.

No, she hasn't nailed it. What was front and centre of his mind was to butt heads with someone and offer up some laimo excuse for it, rather than just getting up

Getting up for a pregnant woman is just bog-standard in my world, nowhere near perfect.

ooh, I"m on the Central line once or twice a week, Yoda. Are you the one telling people off for not behaving as you think they should be? I'm the one keeping my eye out for needier passengers if I've taken a priority seat. How should I be behaving?

Those arguing that he didn’t know if the women in the priority seats had a disability and needed them... how did the man know that the OPs DH didn’t need a seat?

Like the OP's husband?

Jesus, this is going round and round

Officious prick man - possibly wrong

DH - wronger

Equality means we are equal and have equal need for a seat after a long day and equal responsibility to consider others.

A pregnant woman is in more need of a seat than an able bodied man. There's inequality until he gives his seat up.

And I agree that Cromwell hasn't nailed it. As a pp said maybe the 'officious twat' was tired, fed up, in pain, sick of seeing women being invisible etc. It doesn't matter if there's people aren't perfect, the OP asked for opinions and many of us believed her husband behaved like a twat.

Urm no. Cromwell hasn't nailed it. In ALL the replies, that is the most overthought and boringly long introspective of the lot 🙄

Just stand up when you see (or have to be
told) someone else needs your seat!

There is absolutely no need for clever replies or "witty" naff comments (that would massively embarrass the pregnant woman further than she already was my the idiot DH of the OP).

So a man who was being obnoxious by the sound of it behaves like... a woman's genitals. All the words in the English language and that's the most appropriate?

Christ.

A pregnant woman is in more need of a seat than an able bodied man

an able bodied man vs a disabled bodied woman

Not sure what's been nailed? You're assuming the dh realised he was in the wrong and regretted his actions.
I was assuming he was very indignant and self righteous when recounting this tale to his wife, starring himself as the hero standing up for equality.

Sorry I don't understand what you mean Mumof56?

Not that it matters, but I said the OP's husband is likely cringeing about his little speech on equality, as it was completely misplaced. My point was that people say and do ridiculous things that they wouldn't stand by in a cool moment. OP's husband felt (I"m guessing) ambushed by the officious individual hectoring him about getting up out of his seat, when there's half a carriage of seats which could be offered between him and the person needing it. I suspect he didn't resent giving up the seat at all, but disliked the implication that he was a person who needed to be instructed on manners. Sounds like there's a fair bit of aggression and needling on both sides, and who knows why? this is living in crowds, innit? Maybe the OP's husband got slightly ahead of the OT and got the seat just before him, and this was the OT's moment of revenge for having lost out in the commuter struggle for survival. As I said, nobody comes out of it well.

But, you know, OP, you could just LTB. For not being perfectly in control at all times and for keeping a lookout, meerkat-like, throughout the whole journey for someone who might need the (non-priority)seat more than he did.

Its horrible to be picked on and held up to public judgement on the basis of someone else's prejudices.
That's what happened to your husband, and happens to most/all of those personally chosen by randoms to be required to stand for someone else in a public situation.
The pregnant woman in this story is a bit of a red herring. We don't know if she even wanted a seat. She was used (and very likely embarrassed) by someone wanting to show how wonderful he is at the expense of 2 other people.

Your DH was purposefully put in a horrible situation for someone else's ego. Sorry op.

No, she hasn't nailed it.

Yes she has.

Those arguing that he didn’t know if the women in the priority seats had a disability and needed them... how did the man know that the OPs DH didn’t need a seat?

I raised this same point, I can't think of a non twattish answer. If it's not ok to ask people in priority seats to move as they might have a disability (and shouldn't have to say that), then it isn't ok to ask people in regular seats to move. After all, isn't it just as possible that they have a disability too but just aren't in a priority seat for whatever reason?

Anyone at all could have a disability or a reason they need that seat right now. That's why you ask.

No she hasn't nailed anything.

It's not about being perfect. Just being a normal man.

To try and use "equality" as an excuse for your own inadequacy and then to come home still trying to justify yourself - to the point your wife goes on MN about it - it's astonishing! Just have a word with yourself OP's DH.

You're right Cromwell making a stand in the name of equality in this incidence was misplaced. I still don't think you've nailed the thread but yes hopefully the Dh is cringing!

Parisa you've nailed it.
This is getting silly though

It's fine to ask people not in priority seats if they're able to stand up for this person at all, they can say no if they can't. There was nothing wrong with the OP's DH except for some sort of misplaced sense of inequality

If the pregnant woman had a baby on board badge and DH saw it or she had asked everyone if she could have your DH WBVU not to stand Same if the woman asked DH directly (though she was half way down carriage).

If DH noticed what appears to be a pregnant woman then nice to offer seat.

The other man is the one really in the wrong. I have a hidden disability and ability to stand varies. I have been shamed by other standing passages on a bus to stand twice - I was about 20 and two women stood talking about "the rudeness of the younger generation", stating and pointing at me. On the other ocassion the person standing just shouted at me "don't you know that this is for older people". I had no confidence to argue my need and started crying (while standing) because it fed into my feeling of uselessness and unworthiness that was part of my depression.

I agree, Raven. Which is why it is an aggressive, obnoxious, officious, twattish act to lean over a specific person and say, in essence, "oi, you, yes you, don't you see that person there who needs your seat? why aren't you getting up?" If the officious twat had wanted to secure a seat for someone in need, he could have cleared his throat and politely addressed the carriage, making sure not to make eye contact with any one person. Because people do just tune out on commuter trains, slumped into their seats, and may really not have noticed someone struggling. Doesn't make them terrible people though. (Unless you're sitting in the priority seat - then you do need to keep an eye out.)

DH reckons men are too worried about causing offense in some way.
I should think everyone is these days. If it was me I'd probably spend 5 mins wondering if they were pregnant, another 5 wondering if I should offer them my seat, and another 5 trying to summon up the courage to speak. By which time they'd be getting off again.
(But I do wonder how so many people can be slagging off OP's DH for his apparent lack of manners without realising that they're being twice as rude.)