My DP said he wouldn’t have another baby with me if I was to formula feed.

[Missy450]

We were talking about having a second child last night and I casually said I think I would formula feed (I have ebf my first).
He replied he wouldn’t want another one if I was going to formula feed. This then turned into a big argument which when we got to the bottom of it, what he really meant was he wouldn’t want another baby if even before I’ve got pregnant, I had decided to formula feed I.e. not wanting the best for our baby without even trying.

I would like to bf again and I would try to, but I can see it being so much harder when you’ve got a toddler as well.

He would be supportive if I gave it a go but had a good reason to stop. He’s a nutritionist and has studied in detail how good breastmilk is so I guess it’s important to him.

But, he’s basically saying, the babies life isn’t worth as much if he/she is formula fed, right?? AIBU?

His sperm his choice whether to have another child with you. You should only decide to have a baby together if you are 100% united and committed to doing what is best for that child no matter what. He is doing his due diligence & obviously doesn't feel you're there yet.

What a arse, 🙄!

It just seems to go against everything you'd want a good partner to be. Controlling and all a bit handmaiden-ish.

You should only decide to have a baby together if you are 100% united and committed to doing what is best for that child no matter what. He is doing his due diligence & obviously doesn't feel you're there yet.

Got kids kelly?

I think he's being very unfair here.
It's your body snd your choice.
I chose to not bf, I didn't even try because I didn't want to. I knew it wouldn't be for me.
I prefer the term fed is best or optimal.

The DH isn't stopping the OP getting pregnant...he is just saying he wouldn't want to do it if BF isn't going to be tried. Not done, or committed to...but tried.

beyond that its all a matter of degree....

someone might say "I wouldn't want to get you pregnant if I knew you weren't going to:

a) quit heroin
b) quit smoking
c) quit drinking
d) quit macdonalds
e) give BF a go
f) go vegan (or whatever crazy health fad is currently the rage for pregnant women)....

Everyone has a line in there somewhere...but we may well put it in different places.

The fact a line exists doesn't automatically mean men are controlling arseholes.

Horrified at this and the responses. Of course bf is good if and if and if. But it’s your body. It’s your physical breasts. It’s your energy you are giving over. It’s your sleepless nights and mastitis. Your choice. He gets to nod and agree.

Your body, yes. His sperm too. You have no entitlement to it. He can place whatever conditions he wants on his sperm. You can place any conditions you want on your breasts. If you want him to respect your decision you have to start by respecting his.

Sounds like someone is trying to get out of the night feeds to me

Sounds like he doesn't want to help with the night feeds to me 😊

morphene he is just saying he wouldn't want to do it if BF isn't going to be tried. Not done, or committed to...but tried.

Did you see this comment below in the OP?

“He would be supportive if I gave it a go but had a good reason to stop.”

He wouldn’t be supportive if OP stopped without having a good reason (I guess he gets to decide what is a good reason!)

Wow at being a heroin user being compared to bottle feeding a child. that’s low.

He's being daft. But you can cuddle up with a toddler, looking at a book together or whatever, whilst breastfeeding in a way that you can't do while ff. FF means much more focus on the baby, and less on the toddler. Also, if you are out and about with the toddler, breast feeding fits into the toddler's routine better than FF. FF might be easier for you (though I'm not convinced) but a toddler has to play second fiddle to a ff baby more than s/he has to with a bf baby.

I’d be wondering what the line is for “good reason to stop “. Would he content with you saying, “I’v chatted to the lactation consultant and it ‘s not working out “ - or would he insist on sitting in on the discussion? If you got ill and needed or wanted to take medicine that is normally avoided with BF, would he ‘allow ‘ you to take it, or expect you to use some (crappy) BF-safe ‘alternative ‘ instead? (Eg hay fever isn’t life-threatening, but it makes life miserable and tablets help a lot. The ‘alternative remedies ‘ suggested by ‘alternative ‘ types - of which nutritionists are one strand - aren’t very effective and restrict life a lot. As the saying goes, if they actually worked they wouldn’t be called “alternative “...)

Your body, yes. His sperm too. You have no entitlement to it. He can place whatever conditions he wants on his sperm. You can place any conditions you want on your breasts. If you want him to respect your decision you have to start by respecting his.

Absolutely this.

FF means much more focus on the baby, and less on the toddler. Also, if you are out and about with the toddler, breast feeding fits into the toddler's routine better than FF. FF might be easier for you (though I'm not convinced) but a toddler has to play second fiddle to a ff baby more than s/he has to with a bf baby.

You're making a needless opposition between toddler and baby. Bollocks.

FF with cold FF from the fridge. No need for warm ups. Very flexible.

battered

The nazis were really bad news...unlike formula feeding.

OH MY GOD SOMEONE COMPARED FF TO NAZIS

He's being daft. But you can cuddle up with a toddler, looking at a book together or whatever, whilst breastfeeding in a way that you can't do while ff. FF means much more focus on the baby, and less on the toddler. Also, if you are out and about with the toddler, breast feeding fits into the toddler's routine better than FF. FF might be easier for you (though I'm not convinced) but a toddler has to play second fiddle to a ff baby more than s/he has to with a bf baby.

I'm not understanding this at all. When I was breastfeeding I literally couldn't do anything else except hold my child and my breast. I tried a myriad of different positions and techniques but I couldn't do it without one hand holding my child and the other making sure my breast was in the right postion. Once I switched to formula I could put baby on my knee and hold the bottle with one hand free.
Not everyone can just strap on a baby in a sling and have a baby just latch on without loads of fussing around.

No chance I'd have a second child with a man with that sort of attitude This. Can't believe people are actually defending him, formula is not poison. I formula fed my DD from birth and my in laws were absolutely vile about it. I'll never forgive them for it.

But you can cuddle up with a toddler, looking at a book together or whatever, whilst breastfeeding in a way that you can't do while ff. FF means much more focus on the baby, and less on the toddler.

1. there are two parents
2. FF allows for the baby to be handed to someone else for feeding whilst toddler gets cuddles and attention from Mum.

Not sure what sort of dick morphene is aiming for today.

Not every mother and baby can breastfeed anyway, my baby can't latch, I am pumping for him and giving formula top ups if I can't get enough. He has never been able to latch I had to syringe feed colostrum and used nipple Shields for 3 weeks but he wasn't able to draw enough milk out and we were admitted to hospital as he was losing weight. I've spent 2 months going weekly to a lactation consultant and they have been unable to latch him either. If I were to have another I would try to bf but if they could not latch again I would go to formula, I hate pumping it's miserable and extremely time consuming and I don't think I could do it with a toddler and a baby. Op says she would try but if it's too much then she will go to formula I don't see anything wrong with that and a man should not tell a woman what to do with her body.

Men have no say how a baby is fed however he has the final say over who he has a baby with.

His sperm, his choice.

battered are you capable of comprehending the idea of a sliding scale of importance?

So its way more important to feed your baby than what you feed them on? Its way more important you aren't on heroin while pregnant than that you aren't smoking?

To say one thing is more important than another doesn't actually imply that all of the 'compared' things are evil!

I personally think the difference between BF and FF a) exists b) isn't very significant c) isn't more important than maternal anxieties or discomfort caused by BF.

Or in other words, BF if it works for you, don't if it doesn't.

It isn't 'low' to compare FF to heroin if the point you are making is that some things matter an absolute fuckload more than others.

For reference any number of posters have compared FF to poison...eg. the previous poster who said 'FF is food not poison'. Are you on their case? Or just mine?