My DP said he wouldn’t have another baby with me if I was to formula feed.

[Missy450]

We were talking about having a second child last night and I casually said I think I would formula feed (I have ebf my first).
He replied he wouldn’t want another one if I was going to formula feed. This then turned into a big argument which when we got to the bottom of it, what he really meant was he wouldn’t want another baby if even before I’ve got pregnant, I had decided to formula feed I.e. not wanting the best for our baby without even trying.

I would like to bf again and I would try to, but I can see it being so much harder when you’ve got a toddler as well.

He would be supportive if I gave it a go but had a good reason to stop. He’s a nutritionist and has studied in detail how good breastmilk is so I guess it’s important to him.

But, he’s basically saying, the babies life isn’t worth as much if he/she is formula fed, right?? AIBU?

You compared them morphene. You wrote a list of things that included BFing and heroin use. To make the point that his terms were fine. Just like ignore he had asked her to quit heroin. As if they are on a par. They aren’t. Nowhere near it.

@Pengggwn

Why is he being a twat? Because they aren't his breasts?

I'm a woman but if I was a man and my wife refused to not stop smoking during pregnancy, I wouldn't want a baby with them and I'd withhold my sperm. Her lungs her choice but fuck that!

Breast is best (there's no denying that) and I don't see what the issue is.

If he were arguing about it after the birth then my response would be very different.

you really cant see the difference between having heroin use and formula feeding on the same list and saying "FF isnt poison"?

my wife refused to not stop smoking during pregnancy, I wouldn't want a baby with them and I'd withhold my sperm.

Well yes because smoking Is known to harm babies with no benefits to them. FF doesn’t harm babies and does benefit them (by keeping them alive!)

'I casually said I think I would formula feed (I have ebf my first).'

Why did you say this when your latter post states you would attempt to BF anyway?

Things a baby could eat in order of how bad they are:

Poison
Heroin
red bull
cows milk
FM
BM

Does that mean I'm comparing FM (and incidentally BM) to poison? or does it mean I think that FM is not as good as BM but better than all the other listed alternatives?

honestly it isn't complicated.

'I will try breastfeeding and if it’s too much, I will consider combi feeding or ff'

So many people comment on BF and FF as if their own experiences are fact for everyone.

When I BF it's a 2 hand job. I have to support my breast and my baby. The poor things are droopy and baby just can't get to my nipple if I don't hold it up. For me FF would make it easier for me to look after a 2nd child as BF takes all of my attention.

For some women BF works well. They can latch baby on any time, any place and almost forget it's happening. For these women the faff of preparing bottles and feeding them will take more time than BFing so FF wouldn't help at all when baby number 2 comes along.

BF isn't always easy but it also isn't always hard.

Now to the OP... I think by all means a father should have some input into how his baby is fed. For sure say that you'd like baby to be BF, the problem is, dad doesn't have to do it. The issue comes in when someone has to decide to stop. I don't think that should ever be the man's choice.

I BF my first for 10 months and my third for a year but my middle one despite my best efforts we only managed 6 weeks before I was FF more than BF and I think I’d given it up fully by 4 months.
He never really took to it and I was in constant agony, such a rough feeder despite all the help and support I could find.
My point being that it’s not totally linear and because you’ve BF one baby that you’ll manage the next.
It’s totalky up to you how you want to feed, with a bit of persuasion all mine would take formula in addition to BF and that was a life saver when you had a very rough night or a poorly toddler that needed you.

1) there are two parents
2) FF allows for the baby to be handed to someone else for feeding whilst toddler gets cuddles and attention from Mum.

Or:

1. There are two parents.
2. Breastfeeding allows one parent to amuse the toddler whilst the baby is fed. Or, indeed, for the mother to read to the toddler whilst breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding allows one parent to amuse the toddler whilst the baby is fed. Or, indeed, for the mother to read to the toddler whilst breastfeeding.

So Mum not getting alone time with her toddler, who will probably be needing her attention quite a lot Due to the arrival of a new sibling who takes up all mums time.

Morphene you aren’t making the point you think you are. I’m not engaging further. You don’t get it.

The attitudes of some people on this thread are diabolical.

It's all one big pathetic competition.

Someone will come along soon claiming their newborn clung to their tits by their gums while they did star jumps with the toddler.

Fuck off.

Doesn't matter how convenient or cheap it is.

It doesn't matter that its nutritionally better than formula.

The bottom line is, if a woman doesn't want to bf that's fine. It affects her day to day life in a way a man could never experience or understand and if she's not up for that, that's perfectly ok. Formula is there as a substitute for whoever wishes to use it. It's not cocaine.

In turn, if he doesn't wish to impregnate a woman because she doesn't want to bf, that's fine. (I think that makes him a bit of a self righteous twat, but each to their own!)

Fwiw, I think ff allows a more equal division of the night feeds and feeding when out and about. It's also easier without having to always use both hands to do it.

So Mum not getting alone time with her toddler, who will probably be needing her attention quite a lot Due to the arrival of a new sibling who takes up all mums time.

Well, if you are working on the premises that there are two parents around, then Mum can have alone time with her toddler whilst parent two takes the baby off.

And I'm not Morphene, by the way.

I see where he's coming from - why plan to give optimal nutrition to your first but not your second. I would never PLAN an unfair advantage for my 3 - fair enough life doesn't always work out as planned and as they develop, they may have different needs but it seems a bit off to plan second-best for the second. I bf my 3, they have had the same start in education, hobbies etc - child 1 doesn't automatically get the advantage by virtue of being first!

I see where he's coming from - why plan to give optimal nutrition to your first but not your second. I would never PLAN an unfair advantage for my 3

Maybe if someone hated breastfeeding their first, found it hard, draining, no support at night, and decided to try someone different with the second rather than put themselves through it again with 2 children to look after?

I would never look at how my mother fed me and my siblings in such a way.

Well, if you are working on the premises that there are two parents around, then Mum can have alone time with her toddler whilst parent two takes the baby off.

But not as much as if baby was formula fed. Baby is still pretty much tied to Mum and feeds aren’t predictable. Formula feeding gives a lot more flexibiilty.

And I'm not Morphene, by the way.

I know. I didn’t say you were.

He sounds like a dick, I woulden't have another child with him, with views like that.

why plan to give optimal nutrition to your first but not your second. I would never PLAN an unfair advantage for my 3

You make it sound like OP said before having any children that she would BF the first and not the second. She hasn’t. She BF the first and then based on that experience is deciding on how she will feed her second. Because one baby in Family is very different than two, three or four. The circumstances are different each time. You aren’t just deciding for one child, you are deciding what works for the whole family, including Mum!

Christ the bf goddesses on here are not holding back are they

Why does a womens body become everyone elses business when she becomes pregnant and gives birth?

OP feed your baby which ever way suits you. Ff does not mean you are lazy or fabour your first child.
Bf does not mean you are a better mother than those who ff.

As long as you feed your baby then thats the main thing.

"Second best" feeding . And we wonder why women get so distressed when they struggle to feed their baby.

ffs.... As PP have said, the issue isnt BF vs FF the issue is about another person telling her what to do with their body. There is a great deal made of BF but do any of you think that denying their existing child a sibling, her never having another baby again, him never being a father again is worth it just because the 2nd baby isnt BF for 4-6 months?

I think some people forget that having a child goes on for a LONG time. when you are 80 and your DS is 60 he is still your child. Whether you BF for the first 6 months of his life, isnt really that relevant. I couldnt be with someone who told me what to do with my body. I couldnt be with someone who didnt understand all of the things that go into creating a life. Its more than breast milk by a very very long shot.

I wish posters would stop saying that by bf their DC’s they are giving them a better start in life. Who cares how you feed your DC’s. No one will ever be able to tell. Bf’ing doesn’t mean that those babies will do better in their education, careers, health etc.