My DP said he wouldn’t have another baby with me if I was to formula feed.

[Missy450]

We were talking about having a second child last night and I casually said I think I would formula feed (I have ebf my first).
He replied he wouldn’t want another one if I was going to formula feed. This then turned into a big argument which when we got to the bottom of it, what he really meant was he wouldn’t want another baby if even before I’ve got pregnant, I had decided to formula feed I.e. not wanting the best for our baby without even trying.

I would like to bf again and I would try to, but I can see it being so much harder when you’ve got a toddler as well.

He would be supportive if I gave it a go but had a good reason to stop. He’s a nutritionist and has studied in detail how good breastmilk is so I guess it’s important to him.

But, he’s basically saying, the babies life isn’t worth as much if he/she is formula fed, right?? AIBU?

He’s a twat. Your happiness if far more important than the slight difference in the western world between ff and bf. as soon as he can feed a baby chewing on his nipples he is welcome to his opinion. Until then he is trying to control what you do with your body. He is a controlling twat. If he can’t allow you to have control over your own body I would seriously consider whether you want another baby with him

*Why are people discussing the benefits of bf here when the issue is clearly that her husband is a controlling arsehole?!

Why is anything else relevant??*

Because the infant feeding brigade can't resist turning anything like this into a bf vs ff debate.

Rachelraket there are many situations when ff is far more preferable to bf. I’ve yet to find a child who has been negatively affected by FF, in fact the Askari/nut allergy child I know was Ebf, others spent the first year of their lives I’ll with miserable mums. Once people like you stop judging people for making choices which benefit them the world will be a happier place

ordinarily i'd tell him to fuck off out of your body but i do get my judgey pants on a bit when people pick and choose between bf and formula. surely you turn to formula if you can't bf not select it as an equal option.

I chose to ff.
and I don't give a crap what people like you think.
Maybe just focus on your own kids and feeding choices.

Rachelracket

"Ordinarily I'd tell him to fuck off but actually his shitty controlling attitude aligns with my own beliefs and the only thing that matters is that I'm right so YABU"

Your husband is a controlling, uptight twat who is seeking to control your reproductive choices if they don’t fit with his narrow, prescriptive EBF-fascist views.

I my DH was as much of a twat then that’d be the best contraception ever because I wouldn’t want to go near him with a barge pole. I’d be asking myself where his controlling personality comes from and might lead to, and taking a good look at other aspects of our lives which he may also be being a controlling twat about (financial decisions? Weaning methods? Schooling choices? My dress sense?)

Battered, since you addressed Morphene in a reply to a post from me, it's reasonable to think you had confused me with her.

Since I addressed morphene, it’s reasonable to think you would realise I was addressing Morphene. Posts can address several different posters you know.

I've FF a baby with a toddler (well, 3 year old with special needs) and it was no faff at all. I love the way people on here always go on about how much faff washing a few bottles out is. No it isn't. It takes a few minutes to wash and prep enough bottles for the day, time that is easily saved by the actual feeding being quicker.
I don't think I would want a baby with a man who made me try to breastfeed a condition of having the child, tbh. It's just the other side of the coin to the man who tries to stop his partner from breastfeeding. Both are wrong. It's the owner of the breasts who gets to decide how they are used.

I don't understand your focus on mothers having time for babies and toddlers when the father is available to help. Surely the father's attention is just as valuable?

As valuable. Not more valuable. The toddler will feel the difference after arrival of newborn. Mum will probably feel the difference too so time with toddler is valuable.

surely you turn to formula if you can't bf not select it as an equal option.

Maybe you do. It’s personal choice.

So he’s a pretend dietician. Tell him to do one.

Actually I don't think I'd want to have a baby with a nutritionist. Can't stand all that pseudoscientific shit and I do question those people who fall for it.

How is he about football : "I'd hate my child to grow up a City/United/Rovers/Whatever fan". It's just as unreasonable only masked as some sort of actual concern.

Anyone else thinking he doesn't want OP to formula feed as then he'll have to do more? After all, it doesn't have to be OP who formula feeds, it could be her DP. So the broken nights and so on can be shared...

No, I think he doesn’t want a baby and has been clever enough to make OP think it was her choice. He gets to be the better parent only looking out for the child’s best interests and avoids being the bad guy by denying her another child.

FF means more focus on the baby and less on the toddler
Why do people come out with shite like this when it's obvious they don't know what they're talking about?
I FF a baby and cuddled and read a book with my toddler at the same time many times. In fact he was often the one on my lap and the baby was snuggled in between us. It's just a matter of finding the right position and the right way for that particular baby.
You know, just like with breastfeeding.

It’s like saying “we can get a dog but it will have to be on £££ food and you’ll have to do all the walking and poop lifting and pay the vet bills” when actually what they mean is “I don’t want a dog but I’m too chicken to say it”

Such an interesting first post by the way.

I think this is one of the most ridiculous reasons to refuse to have a baby that I’ve ever heard.

I speak as someone who bottle fed DC1 (couldn’t establish breastfeeding with him) and breastfed DC2 and DC3.

I chose to breastfeed DC2 & DC3 because I felt that breastfeeding, if we could get it established, would be easier for me than FF, based on my experience with DC1. But how hard or easy women find it is a very individual thing.
Women shouldn’t be pressured or blackmailed into BF if they don’t want to BF for whatever reason.

I’d honestly be wondering if he wants another baby at all, and if this is just a convenient excuse to avoid TTC. The BF/FF stage of a child’s life is so small after all.

LilyDisney- are you related to Ops husband you sound as much of a controlling tosser as him!

Your body, your choice.

I don’t get some of the responses on here, you don’t want to BF, that’s it, no more reason needs to be given. He is being completely unreasonable.

It’s seems people think if you choose not to BF, you some how are doing your child harm and don’t care as much?

It’s your choice, and as long as the baby is well fed, whether it’s Formula or Breast, It shouldn’t matter