To think I'm cool with being a cool wife

[zeezeek]

I’ve been married for over 25 years now and have always had a good relationship with my husband. We don’t live in each other’s pockets and are apart a lot. I was talking to a female friend earlier today about how DH went hiking with some women he knows from the PTA and ended up getting trashed and staying over at one of their houses. She didn’t understand why that didn’t bother me and accused me of being a cool wife and giving other women a bad name.

As it was the woman’s husband was there as well, but even if now, it wouldn’t have bothered me. He’s a grown man and not my possession - as I’m not his. We respect each other and give each other leeway to be independent and live our own lives.

I don’t make a fuss if he’s looking at other women and he doesn’t make a fuss if I’m looking at other men.

Neither of us are bothered by the other spending time with friends of the opposite sex.

While I hate the porn industry as an industry I can’t get bothered by my husband watching it.

So, if that makes me a cool wife, then I’m cool with it.

What other untrustworthy things could he get up too on a hike with the PTA?

Embezzling PTA funds for the Horlicks that kept them going ?

Was the ten mile bike he rode in the pta members house? That's not a very nice way to talk about her but yes I agree that is impressive at 60.

So your anecdote isn't really relevant to many of us. Many of us rate sexual fidelity as a top 10 attribute in a husband. Your friend is one of these and maybe doesn't realise that you aren't. Horses for courses

*Arealhumanbeing it is an open marriage that's what op has now confirmed. So cool. So so cool.

Areal

The bit about not minding if they sleep with other people

You sound very tedious to me. Not at all cool.

Is your DH Kevin from Motherland?

I would add, that groups of parents are amongst the least discreet people. If he has shagged her, you'll be the talk of the Winter Fair

Sadly I don't think anyone over the age of 25 can possibly be cool. I asked dd which of my mum friends was cool. The response?

I'm with Yolo. I don't get the possessiveness on here. My DP has many women friends and he lived (in another city) with one for many years when he was working there (there was no way I was going to move to follow him). Similarly, I once lived somewhere where most of my buddies were men (I've since moved) and he didn't worry in the slightest. I'd hate to be in a relationship where someone was threatened by this. Anyway, you only have to check the relationships board to realise that men kept on tight leashes still cheat if they want to.

I have no idea what a cool wife is. But the responses on here do chime with something that pisses me off. Apparently because I know and trust my husband, I am a complete idiot and he’s definitely shagging (or likely to) shag someone behind my back. So many times I’ve had this said to me, usually by men who are complete womanisers or the women who are married to them. My husband doesn’t go hiking with the PTA, but if he did I’d be fine with that. And if he is on a rare night out and decides he is booking a hotel rather than come home, there is absolutely no chance he is going to bring someone back there. I know this for a fact but apparently that makes me an idiot for trusting him. Why must people judge my husband by the standards of their own cheating blokes? As unbelievable as it apparently is, not all men are going to run off with someone else.

KERALA

Appaz I am cool with DS2s friends. However this news sent me into a spiral of anxiety about being perceived as some lax pushover. SO, not cool.

Being cool,it’s an attitude and cool behaviour.its not a tick list that one nominates self
That’s most uncool to appoint yourself as cool.not to mention vain
Hiking with PTA?well that’s oxymoron.our PTA couldn’t sling their hook never mind hike

i hate the 'cool wife' label, simply for not being bothered about porn ( or insinuating you're only going along with it to please your dh,) along with certain sex acts, or having female/male friends.
I'm a 'cool wife' (according to your thread) however i think it's an insult.
what did you want from this thread though?
Did you think it was going to turn out any other way?
It does come across smug.
I don't hate porn, or distrust my dh with female friends but don't see the need to brag.
Are you really happy in your relationship?
If you Are then that's great.

Well apparently this thread isn't about sex.

It's about being mistrustful of other things although I don't think anyone really knows what they are at the moment. We are guessing it has to do with the outdoors.

Like stealing tractors or drawings cocks on boulders or something.

You don’t like porn “as an industry” but you’re not bothered about your husband watching it.

What is it about the porn industry you don’t like?

Been with my husband 10 years, never looked through his phone or computer, no need to do so.

I still roll my eyes at the cool girls though...
"I'm not like other women"
"I get on much better with men, women are so bitchy"
"Sure, I'd like to give you another blowjob - I don't really like orgasm anyway"
"Of course its fine for you to wank over naked women being degraded every day - why would I mind that?"
/eyeroll

I'm yet to meet a cool girl that hasn't, either consciously or unconsciously, subsumed 90% of her personality to be more appealing to men.

OP, this may not describe you. If it doesn't, you're not really a cool girl, by definition.

That’s most uncool to appoint yourself as cool.not to mention vain

I don’t believe I did appoint myself as cool. I was confused about why someone described me as a cool wife for being different to her. I was aware it was an insult!

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats
NotAgainYoda

I see. Sorry, I missed that bit.

Why is a 60 year old on the pta? How old are your children?

very early on we agreed that if either of us wanted to have sex with someone else then we could, but to be discreet so you essentially have an open marriage. Can't really compare it to a monogamous one then. Personally if I was in a relationship I'd expect monogamy. I don't believe many people are capable of that, so I choose friends with benefits situations instead. Doesn't mean it's ok for me to be all smug about it and almost sneer at people who have a different set up to me. Certainly wouldn't brag about it.

I'm not like a regular wife, I'm a cool wife.

I think that you’re getting a hard time from a lot of posters, OP.
I don’t think you sound smug. I’m in a relationship that sounds very much like yours - except we haven’t been together as long as you and your DH have. I like to think that we will be, though.
I have always preferred relationships where I’ve been able to do my own thing and have wanted men who respect that and feel the same.
It doesn’t make us cool or insecure or a doormat. It’s just the type of people we are. I can’t imagine restricting my partners activities and wouldn’t want him to restrict mine.
I couldn’t bear to be with someone who didn’t trust me and invaded my privacy and I have never been the reason woman who does that. What is more I can’t imagine why people act that way and feel sorry for their partners.

Why is a 60 year old on the pta? How old are your children?

That would be an open marriage porn watching PTA hiking bike riding drinking till yer trashed sleeping over member of the PTA?

I'll put it in the minutes under "Any Other Business."

Poor OP

Comes here expecting biscuits and only got one