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Original poster

To think I'm cool with being a cool wife

376 replies

zeezeek · 27/11/2017 19:37

I’ve been married for over 25 years now and have always had a good relationship with my husband. We don’t live in each other’s pockets and are apart a lot. I was talking to a female friend earlier today about how DH went hiking with some women he knows from the PTA and ended up getting trashed and staying over at one of their houses. She didn’t understand why that didn’t bother me and accused me of being a cool wife and giving other women a bad name.

As it was the woman’s husband was there as well, but even if now, it wouldn’t have bothered me. He’s a grown man and not my possession - as I’m not his. We respect each other and give each other leeway to be independent and live our own lives.

I don’t make a fuss if he’s looking at other women and he doesn’t make a fuss if I’m looking at other men.

Neither of us are bothered by the other spending time with friends of the opposite sex.

While I hate the porn industry as an industry I can’t get bothered by my husband watching it.

So, if that makes me a cool wife, then I’m cool with it.

OP posts:
Shockers · 27/11/2017 21:45

I’d love to be a cool wife.

I’ve hit the menopause and the hot flushes are driving me round the bend.

zzzzz · 27/11/2017 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DiegoMadonna · 27/11/2017 21:47

Lol, I let this happen. It was his colleague and his colleagues gf. They all went on a hike. She fancied the pants off him.when we split up guess who he shagged first. That's right. I'll never be that "cool' again

This doesn't make sense to me. Does that mean you will be more demanding of future boyfriends and not let them go anywhere or do anything where other women may be? Do you think that would stop someone who wants to cheat from cheating? And more importantly, does that make it a good relationship, if the only reason they're not cheating is because you don't ever let them spend any time with other women for the rest of their lives?

Mrsnjg · 27/11/2017 21:47

The replies on here are amazing! You people are hilarious! Thanks for all the laughs x

YoloSwaggins · 27/11/2017 21:48

And more importantly, does that make it a good relationship, if the only reason they're not cheating is because you don't ever let them spend any time with other women for the rest of their lives?

THIS x100

Original poster
zeezeek · 27/11/2017 21:48

I fail to see how some people can apparently read smug into my OP! I was just surprised by her description and assumed, like others on here, that I was being insulted.

I, certainly not insecure. We’ve been married a long time and spend at least 3 months a year away from each other - mostly due to me working abroad. When we’re apart we speak everyday or every other day, depending on what’s going on.

We both have male and female friends. As DH is semi retired he is around more for school stuff and has got involved with the PTA. He’s close friends with the woman whose house he stayed at as they have similar interests and they often meet during the day for coffee. She organised the hike and about 4 others went on it - one other bloke. They are talking about the PTA doing some kind of Sponsored walk next year and so are doing a few hikes to see if they like it. This is their third and after they al, went for curry and a few pints. DH ended up back at his mates house as she lives in the town where they ate and so he couldn’t drive home. The kids and i were in London over the weekend anyway and didn’t know he hadn’t come home til we got back on Sunday and he was there and told us.

The woman who accused me of being a cool wife doesn’t trust her husband. She is constantly anxious about an aspect of their relationship and when he’s not with her, she is suspicious about where he is and what he’s doing. I can’t be doing with acting like that. I can’t be bothered to find reasons not to trust my husband. I don’t even care if he’s slept with other women in the past, or is now. We have a good relationship and we’re happy.

OP posts:
YoloSwaggins · 27/11/2017 21:50

When the truth is the so-called 'cool girls' probably do a million things that would drive other peoples husbands to flee the country.

True, I waft my farts at my partner....

glitterlips1 · 27/11/2017 21:52

I can hear the sound of trumpets right now.

Weebo · 27/11/2017 21:53

You don't care if your husband sleeps with someone else now? Confused

Weebo · 27/11/2017 21:55

Do you hike Rufus?

HostaFireAndIce · 27/11/2017 21:57

The woman who accused me of being a cool wife doesn’t trust her husband. She is constantly anxious about an aspect of their relationship and when he’s not with her, she is suspicious about where he is and what he’s doing. I can’t be doing with acting like that. I can’t be bothered to find reasons not to trust my husband. I don’t even care if he’s slept with other women in the past, or is now. We have a good relationship and we’re happy.

These seem like two extremes though to me. I'm pretty sure there's a happy medium which doesn't involve stressing constantly about what your husband is doing, but also doesn't involve sanctioning his potential infidelity because you can't be arsed worrying about it.

NotAgainYoda · 27/11/2017 21:57

So sexual fidelity is not important to you. That's fine. Is honesty important to you?

buckeejit · 27/11/2017 22:00

You've been together 25 years & you should trust each other if that's what you mean,

Any other response imo would have been needy & jealous. But the main thing is that you're both happy. So good going!

Weebo · 27/11/2017 22:02

I thought sexual fidelity is the trust we were all talking about here?

What other untrustworthy things could he get up too on a hike with the PTA?

TheVanguardSix · 27/11/2017 22:03

Ok. Good story.
So, are you done here OP?

roundaboutthetown · 27/11/2017 22:03

Zeezeek - are you sure your frind wasn't trying to drop you a hint that your dh has done more than get drunk and sleep on this woman's sofa while she and her dh slept upstairs? And are you really OK with the idea of a bit of PTA wife swapping, threesomes and scandalous gossip? It sounds like this PTA group are all dangerously cool...

NotAgainYoda · 27/11/2017 22:05

Weebo

Leaving gates open, sheep worrying, picking wild flowers?

NotAgainYoda · 27/11/2017 22:07

.... your basic Countryside Code infractions

Weebo · 27/11/2017 22:09

"Not Martin you know I love you dearly but Farmer Duffin was on the phone about the sheep and his flowers..."

Worry not darling it will never happen again!

"I trust you completely! Give Nora one from me my love!"

NotAgainYoda · 27/11/2017 22:10
Grin
PumpkinPiloter · 27/11/2017 22:11

Good for you OP. Nothing seems unreasonable about you trusting your husband.

Weebo · 27/11/2017 22:12

Now Martin.

Opps.

Original poster
zeezeek · 27/11/2017 22:12

are you sure your frind wasn't trying to drop you a hint that your dh has done more than get drunk and sleep on this woman's sofa while she and her dh slept upstairs? And are you really OK with the idea of a bit of PTA wife swapping, threesomes and scandalous gossip? It sounds like this PTA group are all dangerously cool...

Yes, I’m very sure, thank you.
And I have always been open minded about sexual fidelity. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if my husband has ever snagged another woman - very early on we agreed that if either of us wanted to have sex with someone else then we could, but to be discreet.
I very much doubt any of that happens in our PTA. If it was that interesting I’d join myself.
There’s no way my friend would have known what my husband got up to as she lives in a different county. I was telling her what happened as a light anecdote. My husband is in his 60’s so I was impressed that he completed a 10mile bike.

OP posts:
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 27/11/2017 22:15

I was the cool wife until the fucker cheated on me!

Arealhumanbeing · 27/11/2017 22:16

I'm not sure thats what a cool wife is? Just sounds like an open marriage?

An open marriage?! How so?

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