To think I'm cool with being a cool wife

[zeezeek]

I’ve been married for over 25 years now and have always had a good relationship with my husband. We don’t live in each other’s pockets and are apart a lot. I was talking to a female friend earlier today about how DH went hiking with some women he knows from the PTA and ended up getting trashed and staying over at one of their houses. She didn’t understand why that didn’t bother me and accused me of being a cool wife and giving other women a bad name.

As it was the woman’s husband was there as well, but even if now, it wouldn’t have bothered me. He’s a grown man and not my possession - as I’m not his. We respect each other and give each other leeway to be independent and live our own lives.

I don’t make a fuss if he’s looking at other women and he doesn’t make a fuss if I’m looking at other men.

Neither of us are bothered by the other spending time with friends of the opposite sex.

While I hate the porn industry as an industry I can’t get bothered by my husband watching it.

So, if that makes me a cool wife, then I’m cool with it.

Sounds like being friends with benefits.

Cool is an antonym of hot.
So cool wife is the opposite of hot wife.

Ah yes I get the picture...

Comes here expecting biscuits and only got one

bird

How do you know it wasn’t the husband he was after?

Doesn’t sound ‘cool’ at all if you feel the need to analyse your relationship and post about it sorry.

‘I can’t be doing with acting like that. I can’t be bothered to find reasons not to trust my husband. I don’t even care if he’s slept with other women in the past, or is now. We have a good relationship and we’re happy.

But that doesn’t sound happy. Do you trust him?

Hiking with the PTA 😂😂 how sad.

And you’re sad for thinking it’s ok for your dh to go out with PTA friends and get trashed so badly he has to stay at their house. You’re too cool to give him a little friendly advice that’s it’s NOT cool to do that? Do you think his PTA buddies were cool with it? Because I wouldn’t be.

that's a hot choc with some jammie dodgers for everyone. Anyone want 🍿????

I should think your DH is the one who thinks your relationship is splendid. Marvellous, in fact. You spend loads and loads of time apart, he gets to go off hiking with a load of women. What's not to love? I hope they weren't hiking anywhere near pampas grass😁😁😁

Ahhh sorry OP. You've been married ages, that's nice and I hope it's just as cool when the time comes that you do spend a lot of time together, which can be inevitable when you grow older

You've really hit a few raw nerves here OP and I think it says more about the people responding than it does about you....

Ah OP it's a Monday night. Everyone's grumpy!

I don't think it's cool to be OK if your dh watches porn and shags members of the PTA, I think it's a bit weird, tbh. Nothing wrong with trusting ones dh, but then if you don't mind gross taste in entertainment and infidelity, then there's not much to trust as such, anyway.

I don’t get why there’s so much vitriol on this thread. All this man did was go out for a walk with some friends (who he happened to meet through the PTA), go for a meal, had too much to drink and stay over at a friends house. I was t aware that was unacceptable when married.

Regarding the infidelity then it seems that it was something that the OP and her DH discussed at the start of their relationship and decided to give each other “permission”. Doesn’t mean either of them have ever done anything.

Part of the excitement in an affair is the secrecy and illicitness. If you take away that aspect then it becomes a less attractive option.

I don’t worry about the state of the OPs marriage, but I do wonder about the marriages of some of the people on this thread.

The OP wanders in and goes "I'm so cool, I couldn't care less if my DH has slept around."

It's all a bit smug, and rather dismissive of those who think otherwise. OP essentially is saying to all those who don't want to have an open relationship "you're not cool" and therefore are wrong.

weebo

No i dont hike....but i was once on the PTA

If they had suggested a hike i would have been maybe its the modern day equivalent of Pampas grass

She wasn't at all smug or dismissive. She was wondering why people thought it was okay to insult her for it. And this thread has just proved people do.

It's her relationship and if she's happy like that then why should she face the sort of nastiness and judgement she has on this thread?

Just because a woman isn't checking her partners phone every two minutes, saying who he can socialise with and searching his pockets for receipts doesn't mean you're letting the side down.

I suspect the OP is coming in for such vitriol because she's hit a few raw nerves of wives who are a bit more....strict.

Eltonjohnssyrup

You've really hit a few raw nerves here OP and I think it says more about the people responding than it does about you.

That is just what I was thinking! Other people's relationships do seem odd but to post with such bitter vitriol about someone who says they are happy seems a bit strange to me.

When someone comments on your relationship it can make you a bit introspective. You post to gather opinions and are met with such hostility.

I think a little bit of introspection all round might not be a thing.

Anyway, I'm only posting cos DP is at a PTA, swingers porn party.

Yeh I have a friend who is a swinger. Same attitude. Point is?

I've only ever seen the expression 'cool wife' used on here.

I’ll get a trophy made for you today..

Eltonjohnssyrup
You've really hit a few raw nerves here OP and I think it says more about the people responding than it does about you....

^ this

thedarkprincess - the dh did nothing wrong. The OP, on the other hand, seems to be saying that she trusts her dh because she doesn't care what he does in his own time, anyway, not just because she trusts him. She would be happy with him watching porn, even though she disapproves of the industry, happy for him to discreetly shag his female friends, etc. I'm hoping this does not extend to being happy if he steals cars or smokes crack, but it's hard to tell, as the whole tone smacks of someone who says they don't mind these things because they don't actually believe their dh does them, and I am far from convinced the reality is that the marriage would last, or her dh be so free to get pissed and stay over with his female friends, if she actually found out he was taking advantage of their sexual favours and a rampant porn habit, particularly if that resulted in him wanting to try things out on her which made her feel degraded.

It's all a bit smug, and rather dismissive of those who think otherwise. OP essentially is saying to all those who don't want to have an open relationship "you're not cool" and therefore are wrong.

She actually said if it makes her a cool wife, then she’s cool with it.

Also it was her uptight mate who started flinging labels around, not OP. Apparently she’s not only a ‘cool wife’ but is ‘giving other women a bad name’ too.

'You are a member of the PTA which is the exact opposite of 'cool' grin.'

I was just going to say the same thing

Honestly Op, your apathy is commendable.

I wish I was as apathetic as you. You're right to feel sorry. For your friend for her weak, insecure ways. Just like all the other hundreds of threads on here with women feeling something was wrong with their partners. So weak.

But you...you're the coolest.