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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That this behaviour is totally not ok?!

304 replies

Angelwendy · 27/11/2017 13:56

Im on holiday with my OH this week and have just found a few photos of a topless sunbather on his phone that he must have taken earlier (was looking at a photo he had taken of me from last night).
I'm gutted as I'm going to have to confront him about this asap and it's going to ruin the holiday which I've been looking forward to for so long and has cost us a small fortune. Would never have expected this sort of behaviour from him! Absolutely fuming!!!!

OP posts:
GinnyWreckin · 27/11/2017 17:22

Your partner is a creep, and a liar, and is trying to blame you because he got caught being a creep, and a liar.

If he insists on blaming you, why don’t you have a chat with the woman he violated? The fear of being arrested might bring him to his senses.
Luxurious pool my eye.

I’m so sorry you’re with this awful man.

I’d slip him some strong laxatives every morning for the rest of the holiday.

CremeFresh · 27/11/2017 17:25

I don't understand how people are ok with this.

To those that think this isn't a problem, how would you feel if , for example , your friend's husband was showing you pics on his phone and one of you topless suddenly appeared ?

I know this is a bit different as the woman is a stranger but to me it's exactly the same thing .

It's a shame you didn't keep the pics to prove the woman wasn't in them by chance , but he knows he's been caught.

SweetGrapes · 27/11/2017 17:33

Just another thought... my camera automatically crops photos to just show the people.

So if I take a few photos of a large area, one will get added where it's automatically cropped to just the people. Or if there's 5-8 ppl, it will add another photo cropped to just 2 ppl.

Has caused a few arguments (why did you cut me out etc.). Not saying that this what happened but it's possible.

Why not try taking a series of pictures with the camera/phone and see if it does. (Don't tell him though - otherwise he has a get out clause forever).

Sayyouwill · 27/11/2017 17:34

Could it be something as simple (and laddish) as him texting a mate saying "the view's nice". I know that's still pathetic for a grown ass man, but maybe he was just thoughtless and silly?

Mivery · 27/11/2017 17:36

YANBU, that's disgusting behavior and seriously creepy. Call him out on it and see where you stand after the fact.

Hissy · 27/11/2017 17:39

Oh so he’s gaslighting you now?

You’re not stupid. You know you saw what you saw and I’d suggest you tell him you will think what you like about him, that’s its really disappointing to see what he’s done and how he thinks he’s entitled to be in a huff when he’s been well and truly caught out...

Urgh. Poor you.

Jenala · 27/11/2017 17:42

Was there any pictures of just the pool/other parts of the hotel? If it's as you describe then sounds like a pervy bastard but I do wonder if you had noticed the woman already today and felt paranoid about it? I say this because you mentioned in your op that he knows you're insecure about your boobs, then said that you think one of the pictures focused on her boobs. I'll be told I'm victim blaming when I'm really not, I'd feel the same as you, however I'm very insecure and can really read into things. I just wonder if since he doesn't have form for this behaviour and hasn't sent the pictures to friends if his explanation could be legit. Did you delete the pictures? It would be good to look at them again in light of his excuse to be sure there's no chance he's telling the truth and you're not remembering them to fit your narrative. If they are clearly of her then having them will also mean you can show them to him and explain why it's obviously not just of the pool area.

My Samsung phone keeps photos in a recycle bin after I've deleted them.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/11/2017 17:47

Him: Is your paranoia going to ruin the rest of the holiday?

OP: no but your sleazy creepy fuck up might

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/11/2017 17:48

Gross, intrusive prick - minimising this - outright lying, and then putting the onus on YOU to make the holiday ok again by not being ‘paranoid’.

You’re not paranoid. You have absolute proof that he’s an objectifying, disrespectful piece of crap.

Dump him.

AtrociousCircumstance · 27/11/2017 17:48

Plus he lies, sulks, and blames you for his shit.

He is not a good partner.

Tartyflette · 27/11/2017 17:53

I would lose all respect for a DP/DH that did this, for all the reasons outlined above.
And I would not want to be with such a creepy pervert any longer.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/11/2017 17:54

He is a nasty pervert. He is not even sorry, trying to excuse it and blame it on your 'paranoia'. You know what you saw. I would not be having anything to do with him, and would certainly not sit down to dinner with him.

Caroelle · 27/11/2017 17:56

When we were on holiday this year, a really good reggae band were playing at the hotel, everyone was dancing including the waitresses. One of them was really lovely, very friendly, very attractive and she was shaking her ass big time. Like the rest of us she was clearly having a great time, letting her hair down. I was shocked to see at least one male hotel guest filming her, zooming in on her very energetic ass. Another was taking photos. I mentioned it to DH next day, he was really shocked and tried to work out why they were doing this. I have no doubt that she would have been horrified if she had known. We left her a large tip as I felt guilty that I had not intervened at the time (too many cocktails).

Namechangetempissue · 27/11/2017 17:58

Grim. Some creep did this to me when I was on a weekend away with a few friends. He gleefully took a photo of my arse (swimsuit) and showed me saying it was "for keeps" Hmm. His friends thought it was brilliant and asked him to share 😷😣. Twats.

RainyApril · 27/11/2017 18:01

Despite all of the negative replies I'm going to admit that I took a photo of a guy in the pool when I was on holiday in the summer. He was stunning. I sent it to a friend with a comment about the view and she replied to keep them coming because she was bored at work, so I sent a couple more over the rest of the week.

Having said that, his obvious lie and trying to make you feel guilty for 'ruining the holiday' is outrageous and pathetic.

At least you found out now.

Bummybum · 27/11/2017 18:01

I found a picture on dh’s laptop a few years back of women bathing topless. I went fucking mental. He said it was from when he was young but yeah, whatever you creepy asshole.

shorty6768 · 27/11/2017 18:03

OP don’t let him gaslight you or dictate the holiday. He’s a creep, stand your ground & tell him you don’t accept his p**s poor excuse for zoning in on a woman’s breasts, he’s a creep & a liar. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him right now if I were you OP, I would not be entertaining dinner with him & would do as pp suggested go & treat yourself on your own.

Bummybum · 27/11/2017 18:03

Now having a massive row with dh over this again. Bastard. AngryAngryEnvy

Bummybum · 27/11/2017 18:04

Oh and if he did it now, that would be it.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 27/11/2017 18:09

Despite all of the negative replies I'm going to admit that I took a photo of a guy in the pool when I was on holiday in the summer

And we're you pleased with yourself, or did you feel like a bit of a twat for taking pictures of someone who didn't know?

Tiddlywinks63 · 27/11/2017 18:09

I'd tell him to find the woman and ask if she minded- I'm pretty certain she'd be appalled.
He's a sleazy, creepy pervert IMO, I wouldn't want anything to do with him.
and I would have hidden his phone and lobbed it into the sea

RainyApril · 27/11/2017 18:10

I don't think I gave it much thought. I took a photo, sent it, deleted it.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 27/11/2017 18:11

Lovely.

RainyApril · 27/11/2017 18:14

Just being honest ilove, and I didn't have to be. If that's the twattiest thing I ever do in my life I'll feel quite pleased.

Huskylover1 · 27/11/2017 18:25

I'm going to admit that I took a photo of a guy in the pool when I was on holiday in the summer. He was stunning

It's not quite the same though. You can't compare a man's bare chest to a woman's bare breasts. On a very hot summers say, you might see a man walking down the high street with his top off. You would NEVER see a woman walking down the high street with her top and bra off. Because breasts are sexual.

Whilst on holiday recently, I saw a topless woman entering the pool, and I was (for a second), quite shocked. Because it's not the norm these days. And it made me wonder at how things have changed. In the 70's & 80's it was really commonplace for women to sunbathe topless. On my recent holiday, I only saw one woman (the one I refer to) topless. I actually think that's a good thing. I really wouldn't feel comfortable sunbathing topless, knowing that a load of random men around me could be ogling me, or taking photo's. It did make me wonder why things have changed though?

Sorry no advice Op. I'd hate this too. Funny how he didn't capture a fat old lady in his photo's. I honestly don't know how I would deal with this. Flowers