To be raging with 'd'p?

[Naturebabe]

Basically, I did a big wash of all school uniform for ds for the coming week. I like to have it all clean and hung up for him in advance, so he knows where to find it. I work away quite a bit in the week, so it usually gets done on a weekend (dp doesn't bother doing any washing except his own stuff - where he's proud of how little he has to wash in terms of his own clothes).

As the weather was shite today, no chance of drying it outside. He hung it up indoors on a pulley thing (it would take a week to dry there), so I pulled it down and chucked it in the dryer. When I was out of the room, he got it all ot, chucked the load on the side, and PULLED THE FUSE OUT OF THE PLUG FOR THE DRYER! He has still not replaced it.

Am IBU to be a ball of rage about this?

He has form for being a tight arse.

Sometimes it's difficult in the midst of an abusive relationship to see how life could be improved if you were single but for fucks sake you could have had the uniform washed and our away by 8pm, sat on the sofa and chilled with your hot water bottle and gone to bed at a reasonable hour.

But no you had to face about with hearing for 3 hours, then played electronic engineer googling manuals and fiddling with all your appliances, then guarding a tumble dryer so your child can wear clothes to school, then bed at 1am.

hope you are ok this morning. if he gets abusive, phone the police.

Fauxgina

Lovely paradox there chilled with your hot water bottle - hopefully made Op smile.

What does this ghastly man think a tumble dryer is for - an ornament???

That is crazy. What was he thinking? Sabotaging you doing your children’s laundry ready for school. He’s got a screw loose snd needs to do some serious explaining.
Show him this thread, the idiot.

Does he like toast when you’re away? Take the 13A fuse out of the toaster! Or a cup of tea of a morning? Again, take the fuse out of the kettle. What an arse. Choose an appliance which will make his life miserable 🤣🤣🤣

(TV won’t be 13A 😢)

I’ve just read your May 2017 post entitled Can’t Cope Anymore

I feel so sorry that you still haven’t found a way to leave this man.
It must be such a miserable existence for you and your children.
I think that deep down you know what to do. There is no other solution.

No you are not BU. Which straw is going to be the last OP? You need to leave for your own sanity

Why are you leaving your child with him??????!!!!!

That's actually really shocked me.
Firstly that you do separate laundry, but the child's laundry is somehow only your responsibility?
And then, after having removed himself from laundry responsibility he thinks he can dictate to you how you use the dryer?

The response here, is that if he does not like how you do the laundry, he does it all. Not for you to have to perform minor mechanics on the kettle to replace a fuse that he has removed. Who does that? Who has the time to do that??!

If he did your sons washing in the week.he could leave it to dry on the pulley...it's concerning he dosnt see it as his responsibility...what else does he not see as his responsibility when your son is left with him? Is he actually parenting him while you are away?

OK, his behaviour is totally out of line. It's rude, disrespectful and controlling. But why is he being so tight with money? Are there other problems here that you aren't mentioning??

I think my reaction would be different to:

• A well off family where the father was being tight about the dryer because the work didn't fall on him

and

• A family on its uppers and drowning in debt, where someone was attempting cost control as a way of getting things back on track.

The action is wrong, wrong, wrong in both cases BUT the first is unforgiveable and selfish whereas the latter might come from a place of care and concern, but be poorly framed.

OP are you working your way towards separating? Your life sounds so sad.

Do not show him this thread as suggested above.
If he's vindictive enough to remove a fuse from an appliance you were using, he's likely to hide or wreck your phone or laptop that you are using for the internet if he finds out you are discussing him online.

Good point Anna. I see now that he’s done stuff like this before. He’s nuts OP and doesn’t have your best interests or your children’s at heart.
Get him out of your life.

I've had a nosey at your threads earlier this year, Naturebabe. If it weren't for the commute and having to leave your children to be looked after by their father for most of each week, how would you feel about your new job and the town it is in? I understand you are worried about the effect moving so far away would have on your older child, but if you present it as an opportunity, rather than being worried about the effect on your young child because when the same thing happened to you, it was awful, might you not be better off selling your dream house, splitting from your partner, and moving yourself and your children to the new town? I know it's very easy for me to say this, but you are clearly struggling with your relationship, and have been for a while, but honestly, could things be any worse if you decided to fully commit to your new job and start afresh in the town it's in, without your partner but with your children, than they are now? If you hate the new town and job, that's another matter, of course.

I always feel terrible for the kids in these situations. Not one parent in their lives that advocates for their happiness and wellbeing. What a life they live.

Ok...here. You can have it.

My first ever - LTB.

Why do people put up with living with such cranks? Seriously. No one needs that shit in their lives.

This is appalling! I'd wash his clothes, leave them in the drier, take the replacement fust out again and leave them to fester when you've done your DS's!

He is an abuser. You know you’re not unreasonable

In the utopia that some posters obviously live in, it must be very easy to “just leave”. In the real world, not so much. It’s incredibly frustrating when people keep posting over and over about their shit lives, but it’s equally frustrating that some people can’t see how logistically difficult it is when you live with a controlling wanker

This. Pets, schools, money, places to live, childcare, friends means I just can't up and leave overnight, like going to the shops. Plus, he's the father of my kids. I am taking steps to make myself more independent and doing research about my options though. Sadly, it will mean leaving behind friends, and many things that I hold dear. I know people will say 'it's worth it', but those people perhaps have not experienced the brutality that is 'leaving' a situation...

How about marriage counselling?

If your response is “he’d never agree to that” then your problem is serious.

He doesn’t communicate with you, he’s controlling and you’re afraid of him. That’s pretty bad already.

we've had some counselling - at his request. It was a disaster. The woman was totally taken in by him (as is everyone).... and she didn't empathise with me at all....

you aren't advised to have counselling with an abuser. they do exactly what you have described and then use the counsellor's response against you

Actually I do have experience leaving an abuser. The sacrifice of friends etc is worth it for your children.

I too have that experience and I agree.