'Saving' seats before they have food. WIBU

[mummymummums]

Me, DH, DD10 and DS9 all visited a Xmas market today. Lots of stalls, and a food area with various options. No actual seating provided but various benches dotted around and in rows. Queued for 15-20 mins, got food, and headed off to try to sit down - we all had a meal plus hot drink. I went and sat on an empty bench, but as the DC approached they were told 'I'm saving that for someone' by a woman on the end seat of the next bench. They diverted to the other side of me, to be told the same by a woman further up the next bench. I was and told them to sit down.
The woman started moaning that she was saving the seats for her friend who was getting her food. I pointed out that we had food there and then, and nowhere to sit.
She carried on getting indignant so I said she couldn't seriously think it was ok to deny people a seat on a public bench in favour of a friend who was nowhere to be seen and was still queuing for food. I pointed out I could have come and saved seats while DH queued, but that was unfair to people who had food. She then said "what the actual f^*•', right next to DD10 who had the seat nearest her, at which point I lost my shit. That shut her up.
We had finished eating by the time her friend appeared with the food 15 mins later, so I'm glad we didn't stand all the while the friend was queuing!
WIBU? Is it really ok to save public benches where other people have food, when you have no food???

With ds we always make sure we have a suitable table first because the uncertainty of the alternative wouldn't work for him and he wouldn't cope in a queue. If we couldn't 'reserve' a table we would go elsewhere.

I told her crossly that we were eating the food we had bought, and not to speak to me.

That's a very calm 'lost your shit'!

I wouldn't worry about her swearing in front of your DD. Most kids are exposed to a variety of colourful language usually in the playground.

YNBU to stand your ground & sit where you did (Is this a regional thing? Seats are always saved here). YWBU if this resulted in more of a bigger lost your shit than you say you did. Your DCs will never let you live it down. and no, I haven't done it since.

I’m intrigued as to where these militant “buy food first with family then find table” people live. Is it London?

Gwenhwyfar so you always have a coat/umbrella with you (even in summer?) so you can reserve a table?

I admit if I saw an umbrella left at a table I might assume the previous person left it behind and sit there anyway.

You were right OP. People can't go around bagsying seating areas for imaginary people when other people want to use them immediately. Imagine how that would work on the tube or a bus during rush hour!

Lol. You cant reserve a park bench ! Different in your average cafe, i wont go and queue unless there is an actual table i can sit at. But a park bench?

Lol. You cant reserve a park bench !

You most certainly can here. Well the homeless people reserve their benches anyway with sleeping bags, then they sleep upright hugging each other to keep each other warm.

That’s because there are so many entitled cunts around.

Such visceral anger about finding a seat

I recognise that saving seats while you get food for your family has some
Issues, but it really is the norm, and unless you stand on principle if you want and buck the trend by making your whole family stay with you while you order and then risk you all having nowhere to sit, but I’ll take the pragmatic stance.... If that makes me and the vast majority of us who do this (in my part of the world) cunts then so be it.

Fair point.

Of course it's behaviour although many of us do do it. I also hate the people who sit on a table of four alone nursing a coffee and paper when there are tables of two available and larger groups of people trying to sit down. Its cuntish selfish behaviour. We all know it is.

A bit like the time I was on holiday and the sun loungers were all taken with towels but no people.

Just chucked a load on the floor and lay down. Lovely.

😂

Id have just sat down and then offered to move when her friend actually showed up.

She then said "what the actual f^*•', right next to DD10 who had the seat nearest her, at which point I lost my shit. That shut her up

Sounds like you were both equally charming. I'd imagine you said a lot more than you say you did. Someone who uses the phrase "what the actual fuck" wouldn't be silenced by your response.

I also hate the people who sit on a table of four alone nursing a coffee and paper when there are tables of two available and larger groups of people trying to sit down. Its cuntish selfish behaviour. We all know it is

I sat on a table of 4 nursing my hot chocolate and my book in Starbucks last week and got passive aggressive grief off two Mom's and their pushchairs with babies in saying to each other that they hate people who hog tables of 4 for themselves, that I'm trying to make out I'm popular and waiting for friends, that I don't understand their needs and they require the space more than me (they were sat at a table for two)

What they didn't know was all the tables were taken when I had got there apart from two seats on this table of 4. The elderly man and his friend who were sat there said I could squeeze on if I wanted which I did. I'd nearly finished my drink, the men had left and another couple had left the table if 2 by the time these entitled mom's had paid. I had a mouthful of drink left and was packing my book away when their little bitch fest started.

You can't always assume that people are hogging the large tables for shits and giggles. I certainly wouldn't move tables just to finish a mouthful of drink to appease someone who needs a table of two, has a table of two but feels they need 4 to sit their pushchairs at.

And no, their pushchairs were not blocking any aisles because of me not moving immediately. Both their pushchairs fitted side by side in the window at the side of their table. One was a tiny baby fast asleep and the other about 1, also asleep.

In a coffee shop where I can keep eyes on the child, I will leave buggy woth DS facing me and go order because pushing him and carrying a coffee isn't hugely safe. Leaving him coffee counter end whilst me and coffee go on hunt for table is also ridiculous and dangerous. So we get a table and I order. If I don't know the place / larger / public etc I would take him with me, push buggy slowly and awkwardly and possibly puss off whoever is behind me. If place looked so busy I might not get a table ad I couldn't park him, if go elsewhere
Surely you just have to weight up each situation.

At a German Market type affair its reasonable to try and save seats and reasonable to budge up so someone else can fit. Also reasonable that some people will have to stand.

In OPs situation, the queuing time is far longer than the eating time, and the benches are a totally public space, so OP was not being unreasonable. Trying to reserve a whole public bench leaving a family to struggle to eat the food they already have is totally unreasonable.

In a cafe space it is normal to get a table first. The queuing/ dining time ratio is different. If I'm on my own, I'm more flexible at getting a small table or even sharing with someone else than if I have the DCs with me and require a larger table. Most pubs require a table number for ordering to begin with. If queues always contained whole family groups, the cafe would have a queue so long that it would put people off eating there and they wouldn't achieve full capacity.

I save my frustration for those lingering over their cold dregs of coffee and not moving on for prolonged amounts of time.

I don’t think you were in the wrong. I’m also of the category that will grab a seat before getting food as I think it’s stupid to get food before having anywhere to sit, but that’s a different debate. If it is a public bench then she cannot save the seat, if it is a table either inside or outside somewhere then it would make sense to grab a table before ordering food. By saving the park bench she has made it awkward for people who are looking for somewhere to sit, in public and cannot. If all the benches were occupied and you couldn’t find a seat that’s fine as it’s a risk you have taken. If a seat is empty though I think it’s available for anyone to sit on. I wouldn’t ask people without food to move for example, but if a space is available I’d take it because it’s a public bench. She is wrong to save a seat but not wrong to sit in a seat and wait for her friend. Anyway, you were finished before her friend got back so it’s a non issue really and you did nothing wrong so I wouldn’t dwell on it too much.

I had an interesting experience once in a little eatery once.
Had booked a table of 3 prior to arriving, my friend was running late so my mum and I took a seat and ordered. My DS was wedged between me and the empty seat asleep. A woman bustled over and sat in the empty seat. I pointed out that we had booked the table and she insisted that we had not booked the seats, just the table and therefore she could sit in the unoccupied seat. She woke DS up by knocking the pushchair when dragging the seat out from under the table which started him screaming and she started whinging about the noise. I ended up getting the manager to shift her.

Some of the responses on here remind me of this.

But what if you're on your own, you can't really save a table then and stand in the queue for food at the same time, can you. It's so annoying when you're on your own in the queue and you see couples/groups come in after you and save a table

If I am on my own I either go somewhere with table service or I find somewhere with loads of free tables and a small queue.

I also hate the people who sit on a table of four alone nursing a coffee and paper when there are tables of two available and larger groups of people trying to sit down. Its cuntish selfish behaviour. We all know it is

You'd have hated Starbucks couple the other week then. Out early with DD as she had an appointment. Walked past Starbucks and passed a couple in the window playing chess. Actual chess with big board and pieces. Instead of having their noses buried in their phones.

Stupid entitled chess playing cunts they were. How dare they use a table no one else was occupying...

I suppose it's one way to monopolise a table meant for eating, yep.

I don't understand why people queue, get their food and then try to find a table. It makes more sense to find a table and then order. If I went into a cafe and there were no tables free before I ordered then I would leave.

I was going to say you were being unreasonable until I saw the picture lol Why did she need two whole benches for just her and 1 friend? I don't get that? Fair enough save a spot for the friend but don't get greedy tut tut

Also, in this situation I don't understand why the woman was trying to reserve two benches when one would have done. You were reasonable to say that you were going to sit at one of the benches.

I agree you should find a table before you order food in general. However, that principle isn't really relevant in this scenario and I think YANBU.