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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if a mum is happy to leave 2 kids alone at a table the restaurant staff should leave them alone

283 replies

Kitsandkids · 26/11/2017 15:41

Currently in a family friendly restaurant. A mum has taken a toddler to the toilet leaving 2 children aged anywhere between 5 and 8, at a guess, sitting at the table. They are not being rowdy, they are not crying, they are just sitting quietly. But when a waitress came over with their food she got annoyed that they are alone and has left another staff member standing next to the table. So now they are sitting in awkward silence waiting for mum to return. Is it just me who thinks if mum is fine to leave the together, and they're not causing a disturbance, the staff should leave them alone?

OP posts:
purplebunny2012 · 27/11/2017 19:31

YANBU.
I did this on Friday. I left my 5.5YO DS in the restaurant alone whilst I went to get the parking ticket I had stupidly left in the car as it was quicker for me to get it whilst he ate his ice cream, than for me to wait for him to eat, then drag him to the car, then back to the restaurant to be validated and then pay the difference for parking. When I came back, a member of staff was sitting with him, which I did find unnecessary.
He's not stupid, I told him clearly I wouldn't be long, and asked if he was happy to stay and eat his ice cream. I made the judgement it would be fine for 5 minutes.
He's now old enough that he will wait at the table because I've asked him to

LML83 · 27/11/2017 19:32

I would leave children of this age unsupervised for a quick trip to toilet. I wouldn't leave them alone in a dark alley but I could trust them not to misbehave or leave with stranger.

Totally impractical to take all of them to the toilet....also what if drinks were spiked while everyone was away Hmm

Abbylee · 27/11/2017 19:33

My children were well enough behaved (and a little bit afraid to act out without me) to be left At that age. But we usually ate at the same places, so wait staff knew us. I may have said to wait staff in passing, "I'm just taking this one to the loo. Be right back."

It is a nosey-parker world today. I am sorry. I hate stuff like this, it makes me stay home.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 27/11/2017 20:01

When I got my first waitress job I can well imagine me thinking I was helping by doing something like that Blush it wouldn't have been meant in a judgy way but quite possibly would have looked judgy.

caringcarer · 27/11/2017 20:14

I think it was kind of waitress to watch over kids until Mum returned.

purplecorkheart · 27/11/2017 20:20

Maybe the waitress knows something about another client in the restaurant and felt it was in the interest of the kids safety to stay near them.

My local library has a man who has been covicted of lewd behaviour towards children. If he comes into the library they will supervise all the kids there as many parents tend to go to the newspaper section at the other end of the library and are out of earshot.

OlennasWimple · 27/11/2017 20:28

McDonalds does table service?? Shock

purplebunny2012 · 27/11/2017 21:17

Yes, McD do table service now. You order from a touchscreen then go and sit down and wait for your order to be brought

jellyjellabi · 27/11/2017 22:07

Oh fgs what a fuss and a load of what ifs! The children are behaving, the mothers nipped to the loo. No wonder kids are so risk averse these days if they’re watched over and mollycoddled 24hrs a day. I was walking to school and back twice a day on my own when I was that age. Sometimes risks have to be taken and in my mind that’s a minimal one

LtGreggs · 27/11/2017 22:14

What a crazy fuss about nothing. My 8 yo gets a public bus to school without me. Any parent should feel perfectly able to make a choice that their 5yo is safe to be left at a restaurant table for a few minutes. And any normal person will keep half an eye out for kids on their own in this kind of situation and offer help if needed. This is how the real world turns.

patq1967 · 27/11/2017 23:07

it`s called duty of care if anything happens to those kids while the mum is in the toilet and the waitress knows she is in the toilet she is responsible ,,,,,,,,,,sorry HEALTH AND SAFETY LAWS

brasty · 27/11/2017 23:27

This is nothing to do with health and safety laws.

Originalfoogirl · 27/11/2017 23:27

“it`s called duty of care if anything happens to those kids while the mum is in the toilet and the waitress knows she is in the toilet she is responsible”

No, it isn’t. No, she isn’t. If she noticed the children were alone, alerted a manager who assessed the risk as low, noting the mother, the person who knows these children best, deemed that her older child was capable of looking after the younger child and the children were sitting quietly awaiting her return, that would be classed as a reasonable assumption. You are suggesting the waitress has a duty to become in loco parentis and that’s ridiculous.

The restaurant’s duty of care is not to put their customers at risk by making sure their premises are clean and safe. It isn’t to second guess the parenting skills of it’s customers.

ThisLittleKitty · 27/11/2017 23:46

Gosh this could be about me but it was last week. I was in macdonalds with my 3 kids one being a baby in the pram. My 3 year old and 6 year old. I left the older 2 at the table eating and playing with the iPad and left the pram next to them whilst I went into the toilet with the baby (wasn't going to leave her obviously) was such a non issue! Was even saying to my sister how hard it is being out and needing the toilet with kids on your own as the pram doesn't even fit into the toilets never there so tiny never mind the kids aswell.

On a side note none of the macdonalds I've ever been in do table service. Even on the machines it's still gives you a ticket and you stand and queue for your number to be called.

NewRoadToHappinessxx · 27/11/2017 23:58

I would take all three (and do 5, 5, 3) it’s not them I don’t trust it’s other people!!!

roundaboutthetown · 28/11/2017 04:08

Safer sitting at a restaurant table than in a busy, noisy toilet with people coming and going where you can't all fit in the toilet cubicle, so you have to leave half your children standing outside, getting in people's way, surely?

kentparent · 28/11/2017 07:04

I'm sure the mum has made a judgement that it was a safe environment to leave the older two and that they would behave. Others might not make the same judgement on the basis of their experience and their kids. Both are fine by me.

DivisionBelle · 28/11/2017 07:10

I wouldn’t leave a 3 year old and a 6 year old playing with an iPad in McD’s.

Too many people coming and going and the iPad makes them a mugging risk.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 28/11/2017 07:13

I left my 5yo (maybe then not quite 5? Can't remember) happily and safely alone at a table in a National Trust cafe once, for less than a minute, while I fetched cutlery and water etc. Of course the food arrived super quickly and the waitress was standing by the table with him when I got back! Thought it was well-intentioned but very unnecessary. I didn't feel any judgment from her about it though (might have been different if I'd been gone longer maybe?). DS was fine. He's always been comfortably clingy when he wants to be, so when he tells me he's ok to wait at the table or he's ok to go to the toilet alone etc I know he's actually fine about it.

also I've learned from many other MN threads that it is inconvenient if I keep him in the food queue with me, and his rightful place is securing a table because who orders food before securing a table?

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 28/11/2017 07:14

Division McDs has iPads fixed to some of the tables now. It's not a mugging risk.

LML83 · 28/11/2017 07:15

The newer McDonald's have ipads attached to some tables for kids to play with if that's the case no risk of mugging.

FireCracker2 · 28/11/2017 07:36

I thinl the issue is probably that the food arrived and if they eat the wrong one or the order is wrong or they scald thselves on mum's hot coffee the parents will complain

frogsoup · 28/11/2017 07:44

Even if you say it in capital letters it doesn't make a non-existent law apply...

ChipmunksInAttic · 28/11/2017 07:57

I can't see what's wrong with this, I think waiters were being kind and I'd be glad if I were the mum.

ThisLittleKitty · 28/11/2017 08:06

The macdonalds iPads not my childrens. Honesty what else are you meant to do when out with a baby, a pram and a 6 year old and 3 year old when the pram doesn't even fit into the toilets? We certainly wouldn't all fit in a cubicle so someone would need to be left outside either way.

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