To think if a mum is happy to leave 2 kids alone at a table the restaurant staff should leave them alone

[Kitsandkids]

Currently in a family friendly restaurant. A mum has taken a toddler to the toilet leaving 2 children aged anywhere between 5 and 8, at a guess, sitting at the table. They are not being rowdy, they are not crying, they are just sitting quietly. But when a waitress came over with their food she got annoyed that they are alone and has left another staff member standing next to the table. So now they are sitting in awkward silence waiting for mum to return. Is it just me who thinks if mum is fine to leave the together, and they're not causing a disturbance, the staff should leave them alone?

It's annoying though when people tut at your perfectly reasonable parenting. I was once waiting outside a class for my older kids when this woman rushed up to grab my toddler (who was right next to me) because she thought she was about to randomly pitch herself down the stairs (she wasn't!). I wouldn't have minded, except that the woman then gave me a filthy look and said 'hmf, well, I really hurt my back doing that'!!!

Thanks for that @frogsoup
I thought I was slowly going mad .

Bizarre . If restaurants are like this then people won't go.

the trouble is you can never predict what COULD happen.
There are many obscure "what if" scenarios I can think of, and the trouble is you never imagine they are going to happen to you (or your children).

With the culture we seem to have to sue the first person you can blame (other than yourself) I can sort of understand why the staff felt it necessary to keep and eye on the children (albeit in perhaps a OTT manner)

Just imagine the scenario if one of the obscure "what's if's" happened...

As a restaurant owner (and mother of two) I wouldn't want to chance that I'm afraid...

I would have sent the 8 year old to the toilet with the toddler.

The world is fucking insane. Mothers used to leave babies sleeping outside in prams! Of course an 8 year old can watch a 5 year old for a few mins. I've seen children this age caring for babies full time in 3rd word countries. Have people not got bigger things to worry about?

I think it’s a tough call to make. My son is 9 and I will let him go to the toilet at a restaurant by himself (although I do sit there watching the clock in paranoia til he returns) because he is generally a good boy and he needs to learn responsibility and independence so I would have probably left him at the table alone. My daughter is 5. I wouldn’t have left her nor let her go to a public toilet alone. She is still very easily distracted and would take forever for one thing. I also wouldn’t expect my 9 year old to be responsible for her. He is learning his own independence still. It is my job to be the parent and make judgements for my 5 year old not his. Being a mum is faced with lots of tricky judgements and I tell you what McDonald’s stalls are tiny! It’s a nightmare squeezing two people in let alone 4.

Why not "Wouldn't leave them alone stood next to a swinging scythe" or "alone with a rat poison laced slice of cake"?

I'm a pretty helicopterish parent compared to some, but I'd trust my 8 years old with a 5 year old for 5 minutes in a restaurant.

They're well behaved, know how to conduct themselves (usually) somewhere like that, and I wouldn't think for a second that there'd be an issue.

Depends where you eat I suppose as well. I actually wouldn't do it a fast food restaurant. I'm imagining more of a restaurant-type restaurant or nice cafe?

"the trouble is you can never predict what COULD happen. "

But the trouble as parents is that we do, all the time, have to make judgements about how likely those remote eventualities are, and how that affects what we allow our kids to do. Because our role is not to smother them in cotton wool clouds until age 18 then let them loose, our job is to allow them to develop responsibility within scenarios of managed risk. You can't opt out of that set of judgements without doing serious damage to your children. Some of the 'what ifs' have to be put aside if you are to do your job properly as a parent.

And actually, I don't think we do have a 'sue at the first sign of blame' culture. The US might, but I don't think we do here. What do you think the parent could sue the restaurant about in this case?!

Presumably those of you dragging your squad of kids to the toilet are also the ones insisting you absolutely can use the disabled WC because it’s so dangerous for them to stand in the toilet outside the cubicle for 5 minutes. 🙄

There is nothing American about this. We Americans are guilty of many things, but I really won't accept that our waiters are neurotically worried about children sitting quietly at a table for a couple of minutes. Find something else to accuse us of.

It's a bit over the top.

These are school aged kids. Almost certainly not with any sort of disability, or their mum wouldn't have left them for those minutes. Why on earth would anyone be concerned?

In much of the world, kids that age walk themselves to school alone. Yet they weren't seen as capable of eating quietly for a few minutes while their mother changed a nappy? Idiotic, quite frankly.

actually, I don't think we do have a 'sue at the first sign of blame' culture

I don't think we do, either.

It's a bit odd to consider it an Americanism surely? Pre-children I worked as a Gallery Attendant and security guard and waitress and was always told that children weren't supposed to be unattended, of course as a parent I can imagine that trotting 2 plus a toddler to the toilet could make an enjoyable meal an ordeal.

Tbh, I might be over the top careful, and despite knowing my 5 and 9 yr olds would have sat nicely and not moved ( you just do the glare thing with my two and they are like statues lol) I still wouldn't leave my kids alone in public.
Anything can happen, it does happen, and I would rather the lugging of two small kids to the loo, than someone running off with my kids, or them getting hurt.
Just not worth it. Bring on the hassle, its what kids are all about! Luckily I have two older ones around most of the time to watch the younger ones! :-)

Interesting. I was once asked by a mother to keep an eye on her sleeping children at a restaurant table, while she went for a walk up the road. I refused. The children were sat on a table outside, by a public right of way. I also didn't have time to supervise them adequately. If the kids woke up, they'd want to know where she was. And I was paid to be a waitress, not a child minder. She was fairly put out. No way would I have had time to stand by a table and supervise unattended children!

OTH, if she'd said I'm going to change small child, I might have made some compromise and suggested she move the kids inside (one was in a buggy). If she'd just walked off and left them at the table for more than 5 mins and I wasn't aware she was returning, I would have been concerned and trying to find her. So basically, she couldn't win ;)

But walking off and leaving them sat outside a restaurant, no matter how comfortable she felt about our establishment, did seem weird to me. You wouldn't walk off and leave your kids sleeping in park, would you? Even if you had asked someone nearby to keep an eye on them. Restaurants are still public spaces.

Mother would know how the 5 and 8 year old would behave when left at the table. They are probably used to Mum leaving for the toilet with younger one. Can't see any danger at all and there would be other folk like yourself who were aware of children and surely if anything untoward happened e.g. kidnapping, either kid having a seizure, or collapsing people would get Mum as well as helping with emergency. Think how responsible the two must feel being trusted to sit at table for a few minutes unguarded! The restaurant over reacted but this may be due to a parent giving them a bollocking for some incident involving children. Stop mollicuddling children and give them some freedom to think for themselves.

This is reminding me of the receptionist/ childcare thread. To me, it's not about the behaviour of the children, who I am sure are just fine, but the unreasonable responsibility it places on the low paid staff. Because you know that if anything goes wrong, it will suddenly become not the parent's fault... The staff in the OP's post were probably covering their backs. Nothing to do with them thinking the kids couldn't cope.

This is OTT. The mother knows her children. Plenty of young children can sit there quietly behaving themselves while their mum nips to change a nappy.

Kids eat at school without their mother sitting next to them, why are they suddenly going to choke and die (presumably while every other adult looks on saying "not my problem") just because she goes to the jacks?

Oh ffs. Just leave the Kids alone. Id Like to know what happened when mum got back!

I can imagine young children being fine to sit quietly at a table in a restaurant without being any problem whatsoever to anyone and without being in the slightest danger. Taking them into a crowded toilet cubicle to watch their sibling pee/have a nappy change would be ridiculous, though, and asking for trouble... Why would you drag three children into a likely fairly dirty toilet if you didn't have to?

It all sounds a bit OTT. Mind you, in our local McDonalds there's always a sort of "host" type person on duty who clears stuff up, gives out balloons and generally stands around chatting to people. So I can imagine that staff member doing this if they saw two kids sitting on their own. NOt standing guard, but just being on hand...