When to take away "special" toy?

[cookingongas]

My dd (7) has a special bear which she loves. Has had since birth and has been her special comfort toy. She is very very attached to it.

My dm constantly expresses distaste at the toy. She feels I should take it off dd - she'll cry for a bit but just get used to it as it will break/get lost eventually. She's too old for this. It's embarrassing etc etc.

She's growing up in so many ways- she reads and writes and does her own hair etc and I feel that this is just one thing she's kept that is still "babyish".

When, if ever, do you start to take special toys away? When is it "weird " to still love a toy as much as this? Aibu to ignore dm and let dd enjoy the toy?

Glad you’re keeping poppet!! I had my “nappy” (terry towelling nappy but it never actually got used as one!!) until I was 21/22. When I met DH actually. I couldn’t face the disgust on his face if I took it round to his on a night so I didn’t (it was pretty vile and wasn’t the same if it ever got washed!). The only downside to this is that now I seem to have weaned myself off the nappy and I can only sleep properly if I can smell DH.

I loved that nappy to death and would still have it now if I didn’t have DH!! It had almost disintegrated by the end, but it still had the right smell!!

What madness is this? Your DM is cruel, tell her to do one.

Never I'm 50 & my special toy still sleeps on the bottom of my bed.

I can clearly remember the day my Mum sold my special bear to somebody amongst a big bag of toys. It was more than 30 years ago but I can remember it so clearly. I was crying, begging for her to give it back and not sell it. I just remember her being angry for making a show in front of the person buying. I was 10.

We have been no contact for more than 20 years......

I am 45 with seven children of my own.

My ginger bear (a present from my grand parents on the day of my birth) sits on a chair in my bedroom. I occasionally pick him up for a cuddle and would never throw him away.

Funnily enough she now begs to see me but she just does not "get" all of those things like that that she did are the reason why we are NC.

My bear is a bit over 53 years old now, my mum made it herself.

My DD is currently sleeping with my old cuddly toy from when I was little
Don't take it away OP

Never.

I'm 36 and still have my special cuddly toy from from childhood, he sits pride of place on top of a tall boy in my bedroom.

DS is 10 and his two special cuddly toys he had when he was younger sit on a shelf above his bed too.

Why would you need to take it away???

Your DM is being ridiculous.

YANBU to ignore your mother, she is just plain wrong. When your DD is ready she will know.
I've got a sneaky suspicion my DS (19) has taken his old bear back up to uni with him, and my other adult children all have their childhood companions safely stored away, even if not on display.

You gave it as a comfort, it still is. When it is not needed it will be used less. My DC is 12, over the years peer pressure has guided when and where bear is loved. It is still tucked away in his bed and still brings comfort on difficult days, it has also been smuggled in a sleeping bag on a few trips. Don't make them grow up too quickly.

I still have my teddy. I'm 38. I also have my dads teddy. It is 78 and outlived him. Don't let your mother anywhere near your daughters toy.

Don’t take it away from her!

I never had a comforter (apart from a dummy). Dd has formed various attachments but none lasting so far - she currently sleeps with 5 different soft toys who have to be lined up in the right order. She’s only 5, it hasn’t occurred to me that I might need to restrict her with them!

I have one toy I’m attached to - before I took myself round the world travelling alone, my mum bought me a soft Eeyore to take with me. He sat on every hostel bed, every swag, every sleeping bag. He was with me when I met dh, when we fell in love, when we moved in together. He means more to me than any other soft toy & I was thrilled when dd fell in love with him too.

DSD is 17 and still has her special Bear, who has been with her since she was 15 months old. He is very much part of the family and there'd be hell to pay if anything happened to him.
I'm 38 and the bear DM made for me when I was little keeps me company when DH is away lives beside the bed

Take something sentimental from your mum's house when she is out. See how she feels about it!

MY teens aged 13 & 15 still have their comfort toys (well, Muslin type things) that they cuddle in bed. I still have my toy bear too which I sometimes cuddle at bedtime if I feel the need!!!

OK, (thanks for coming back OP) I can see that your DM has some issues of her own - in which case she would probably be responsive to a direct instruction: the toy belongs to DD and it is not your business . And maybe gently steer DD to leaving the toy at your house when she goes to visit grandma, if grandma's that 'dirt'-phobic.

I still have a few of my own - not my absolute fave, which unfortnately got discovered by moths and disintegrated so badly that it had to be binned (I was 41 at the time, OK, and did the deed myself).

DS (13) has a bedful, still - and when he eventually gets to the point where some of them can go on to other kids somewhere, Cat, Red Molly and Ellie Bear will stay with me forever.

Good grief. DM is a twit. Your kid will soon enough be wanting Sephora vouchers. Ignore.

I'm nearly thirty and still have my 'special toy' and fuck it, when DH is away and DS is asleep, I cuddle it to sleep.

What would your Mum say to that?

Who cares if it looks awful? It means the world to your daughter - that is what matters. Not whether you two deem it to be socially acceptable.

13 year old DD still takes her cuddly toy to bed every night and would be very upset if she didn't have it. I don't see why she needs to get rid of it ever really. Several of her friends have similar and it's not a big deal.

I have my special horse on the drawers beside my bed.

My grandmother threw away by mother´s bear when she was about ten. She is now 75 years old and still clearly remembers the hurt. I don´t think she´s ever got over it. You never throw away someone´s cuddly toy.

That's so mean of your Mum.
What's it got to do with her that your daughter loves her toy?
It's hardly weird or offensive.
If it was a dummy or a bottle at 7 I'd be able to see where she was coming from, but it's a teddy ffs!

I still have my ted upstairs in a drawer somewhere, I am 59 and he is as flat as a pancake.

When I was little and he had to have some stuffing added I slipped a little red felt heart inside the seam running down his tummy. I can't remember him ever being washed either!!

Not RTFT but I'm in my thirties and still have my special toy. He generally lives in the top drawer of my bedside table for his own safety as I fear the dog would have a whale of a time with him given the chance! That said, he still comes out every once in a while if I'm feeling down.

I'd politely tell your DM to butt out.