When to take away "special" toy?

[cookingongas]

My dd (7) has a special bear which she loves. Has had since birth and has been her special comfort toy. She is very very attached to it.

My dm constantly expresses distaste at the toy. She feels I should take it off dd - she'll cry for a bit but just get used to it as it will break/get lost eventually. She's too old for this. It's embarrassing etc etc.

She's growing up in so many ways- she reads and writes and does her own hair etc and I feel that this is just one thing she's kept that is still "babyish".

When, if ever, do you start to take special toys away? When is it "weird " to still love a toy as much as this? Aibu to ignore dm and let dd enjoy the toy?

DS17 still chooses one of his vast collection of Mickey Mouses to take on holiday (it has to go in hand luggage and not zipped over his head). He sleeps with a bed full of them.

I’ve still got mine and I’m 40!!!
He sits on the headboard of our bed, my friend kept him in a gift bag at our wedding, I take him on holiday. I don’t think I’ve ever had a night without him in the same room!!!!

A few years ago we had to get rid of some of the teen dc's and my own childhood soft toy collection. We had an obviously don't touch pile, a binbag full for the attic pile and a charity shop pile. I cried real tears for some of mine that had been kept for years but I had to finally let go in solidarity with the kids, as we were running out of room to store them

The microchip idea is a brilliant one by the way.

Yanbu.
My DD has a toy doggy who she loves more than she loves me or her daddy. How ever old she gets it would never cross my mind to take him away, it would be so cruel.
We've bought a spare in case he gets lost but not sure how well it would work. The spare is all soft and clean and doggy is ragged and gross.

I'd get rid of 'd'm instead!

Exactly what I was thing ginger
Dd is 21 and still has her cuddy dog, called ginger, coincidentally :)

My DD (13) still has "monkey" they monkey that she sleeps with and brings him when we go on holiday etc. I've never seen it as an issue tbh.

I had "good" the dragon growing up, I thought he was lost forever after I moved out but on my 25th birthday (7years after moving out) my Dad wrapped him up and gave him to me as a gift having found him in he loft. He's still the best present I ever got (twice )

Don’t take it away!

DD (12) loved her special toy she had since a baby. It saw her through exH and I splitting up and would be taken between our two houses with her, there were even a few emergency dashes to take it over to the right house.

A few weeks after she started secondary school, she came in to talk to me, and put the toy into my hands with a very serious face on. She told me that she didn’t need it any more. That she was growing up. But could I keep him safe as she might need him when she leaves home to go to university.

It did make me cry (after she had gone!).

Eh? Why remove it? My 'ted' is on my marital bed! Was even mentioned in the sermon at my wedding! (and I'm not a soft toy person!) she'll grow out of taking it places soon enough, but no need to remove it.

I still sleep with superdog, my grandad bought it for mum when she told him she was having me. I'm 44

My sister aged 52 still has her bear who no longer has a nose or either ear.

Why would you take it away? As she gets older she'll self regulate when she needs it or wants people to know about it.

Never. I still have my favourite toy in my bed and I'm 43. He's usually squashed under the pillow but I won't get rid of him.

A unanimous aibu!

I wouldn't have got rid of poppet, but I'm glad that it's so obvious to everyone that that would be indescribably cruel.

In my dms defence- she is somewhat hard, and really really is obsessive about cleanliness. To the point it impacts her life. She adores dd and they have an incredible relationship, but dd knows that messy play isn't fun there and she must never eat or drink anywhere but the kitchen. They ride horses together, swim together, crochet and read together- but some things, mainly messy or dirty things, aren't possibly with granny about. Dm hasn't belittled the toy in front of dd or called dd childish etc. These are things said between me and dm only.

Meanwhile dd and poppet will continue their shared life together in blissful ignorance of this discussion

I still have my bear and I'm 41. There is absolutely no way I would ever take DD's most treasured and loved toy away from here and I would judge anyone who suggested it.

Glad to hear you're going to keep the special toy, OP I still have the teddy I got for my first birthday. He sits on a shelf out of the way, but even at 30, I still get him down for a cuddle if I'm particularly upset!

My son is12 and still has his little plush cat called lazz and would never get rid of it, it's been on holidays and many places, it stays on his bed now but his still protective of it, he is asd , let her keep it. There's worse things in life then a teddy bless her x

It is Dd 's special toy. No one has the right to take it away from her. If your Dm mentions it again, just tell her, "the toy stays, but we might get rid of you"

Agree with everyone although keeping her to the bedroom or gps microchipping is sensible

My 4 year old has a rabbit he loves. I'll never ever take it from him. I hope he keeps it into adult life - it almost feels like one the family! We nearly lost him one day and I was near tears that we might not get him back. We did thankfully and now have a 'not out of the house unless staying over night' rule.

Your mother needs to back off. How exactly is it effecting her life that your daughter has a favourite toy?

Yay, that's good OP. I feel sorry for your mum now - that sounds really restrictive for her.

My twin Gd's have their comfort toys from when they were babies and have taken them to Uni with them. A little dog called Dalmation and a grey cat called Shiney.

My mother has a friend in her 80s. When she was young her mother threw away her special bear because she was “too old”for it. She is still heartbroken to this day.

She’s a wonderful illustrator and every year her Christmas card features the lost bear somewhere. Don’t do it. Ever.

DD's beloved teddy went to university with her. Ten years later teddy is still on her pillow in her flat. It's lovely to keep cherished toys.

My 16 year old still sleeps with his cuddly dog. I think it's a disgusting bag of germs, but am in fear of chucking it in the wash in case it comes apart, so I leave it alone. I'd never take it from him! I'm 54 and still resentful that my much loved, scruffy teddy "disappeared" one night while I slept. I'm sure he ended up going in the fire...