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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just invited his mate over for Christmas Day

542 replies

Robyrollover · 23/11/2017 22:01

Just told me. Asked him whilst out at the weekend apparently. He's going to be on his own if not.

We already have my Dsis and family joining us, who have never met this friend, and aren't social by any stretch. BIL in particular is quite reserved.

I have said categorically no, it will be awkward for everyone (even I don't know him well, it's been well over a year since I've socialised with him), but he can come Boxing Day. I appreciate it's not in the spirit of Christmas, and if it wasn't for my Dsis I'd welcome him with open arms. Dh says I'm being a bitch.

So, over to you Mn... AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Insomnibrat · 23/11/2017 23:46

You didn't come on here for advice or to see if you were BU, you came on here to have a bloody whinge and strop. You sound horrible. Poor DH.

squishysquirmy · 23/11/2017 23:48

You have every right to be pissed off with your dh for not discussing with you first.
And he needs to pull his weight at Christmas.

However, I don't think you should un-invite this guy, it would be a bit mean, and super awkward.
Has he really been invited for the whole day? If so, your dh should maybe "clarify" that he's invited for Christmas dinner etc, that way he has some company for a few hours on Christmas, but you also get some time with just family too.

I do get what you mean about your family being very shy around strangers- chronic shyness does not make someone an unpleasant or boring person. But it shouldn't be too bad unless the friend is sat next to them will it? There will be other people there to act as a buffer.

Maybe tell your dh his friend can come for dinner (not the whole day) IF dh does his fair share of work, both with the physical preparations and with the hosting and keeping the atmosphere good. If you do the lions share of the cooking, he has to be a good host while you are in the kitchen AND has to do ALL the washing up.

Original poster
Robyrollover · 23/11/2017 23:48

Insomnibrat You've RTFT then Hmm

OP posts:
honeyroar · 23/11/2017 23:50

Perhaps your husband should go put to the pub for a meal and some fun with his friend, leaving you and your side of the family to do whatever you want, and you can't grumble about doing everything for him either then? Everyone wins!

thegrinchreaper · 23/11/2017 23:54

I was going to suggest a pub meal for DH and friend aswell.
Then you and DSis and husband can enjoy your dinner in contented silence.

rcat · 23/11/2017 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firefries · 23/11/2017 23:55

WHy is a strange so weird to you?
Why is your sis and herDH so odd that they are ok with you but no one else? Are they hermits? Everyone needs to get over themselves. Be polite and friendly and Mia Christmas fun. Are you sure this isn't a wind up OP?

Firefries · 23/11/2017 23:55

Why is a stranger* so weird to you OP?

8pawsgood · 23/11/2017 23:58

Wow. I'd close this thread right now, it's getting really @#£king nasty.

SezziBaybee · 24/11/2017 00:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

GabsAlot · 24/11/2017 00:04

dont know why op is getting such a hard time-i m not good soicially and i wouldnt lik someone being invitded i hardly know

it wasnt dh's place to do that without asking op first

rachsl8 · 24/11/2017 00:07

I think you are being horrible sorry, from someone who has spent Christmas alone one year I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it can be a very lonely time of year and I also had family, just wasn't invited and didn't feel able to invite myself.

One more mouth to feed on Christmas Day is neither here nor there cost wise, just think how much happiness you will bring to your DH friend by having him as part of your family at a time for sharing.

hiddley · 24/11/2017 00:10

I would think the more people there, the less pressure on any two people to interact. But I'm naturally extroverted. If the friend is an arsehole though, that would change my view entirely.

Jux · 24/11/2017 00:11

You are being mean. Just because your sister’s not sociable. Maybe your dh is dreading Xmas with your sis and bil, and thinks his friend will make it more fun?

hiddley · 24/11/2017 00:12

It's your husband's sister who is the problem (by your posts). And your husband who has invited this friend. So really, let him take any flak. He can have it out with his sister. How weird do you have to be to not want to meet a randomer when you're going to someone else's house?

hiddley · 24/11/2017 00:14

If I was personally that unsociable (as SIL), I'd be staying at home.

midnightmisssuki · 24/11/2017 00:17

hmmm - we invite ALL our single friends over for christmas when we are in London for christmas OP. i think you are being a little mean here. My husband used to spend christmas along (and yes he had family too) - he said it was awful for him and since then we have never let a friend be alone for chistmas. Come on - don't be a grinch! Wink have a mulled wine (or 2). it'll be fine!

Coastalcommand · 24/11/2017 00:20

You sound mean OP. YABU.

Aliosa · 24/11/2017 00:22

OP, I’m going to be on my own this Xmas and I’m dreading it. I would love someone to invite me and the thought of that happening and then them turning around and saying no sorry you can’t come is just awful.

I’m sure you can do it for just this year and then tell DH not to do it again.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 24/11/2017 00:25

That south park song comes to mind...is it “Cartmans mums a bitch”?...Yes, I think it is.

You asked if you were being a bitch OP and yes, you are. So...back to the south park song.

Let your DH’s friend come, even if for a couple of hours. It’s the season of good will, love and understanding etc. Just try to be kind for a couple of hours on what might be a very lonely day for him. I’ve seen you mention that your DH said he does has family but will be alone anyway...there could be any number of reasons he isn’t with family for Xmas (distance, money, falling out etc) but as long as he’s not a twisted axe murderer or something equally threatening let him join your table for an hour or so.

Hope it all works out.

SuperBeagle · 24/11/2017 00:31

YABU.

It's not the bloke's problem that your family is socially inept.

Inertia · 24/11/2017 00:33

I'd wonder whether your husband has set this up with his mate, so that they can slope off to the pub in time for your husband to avoid having to help with dinner.

It'll also be a useful excuse for him not to have to do any clearing up, since he has to entertain his guest.

Kr1st1na · 24/11/2017 00:33

If it helps, I wanted to take my kind DS to help at our local homeless shelter on Xmas morning and they were all up for it but apparently for H&S reasons they are not allowed. Which means neither am I, as a single parent

Many people who are homeless have complex needs, such as mental health problems and addictions. A shelter is not a suitable place to take children.

And unfortunately many homeless charities are unable to accommodate people who are only able to volunteer at Christmas.im afraid It’s about making the best use of limited resources.

However all of them will be happy to accept donations of money food toiletries and clothing. Just ask what they need before you buy anything.

Thank you for thinking of homeless people at Christmas .

MissConductUS · 24/11/2017 00:38

Good luck explaining this incident to St Peter.

ohtheholidays · 24/11/2017 00:43

Bloody Hell I can't believe the shit your getting on here!

YANBU but your DH is! How would he feel if you invited someone he hadn't seen for a year,that would change the dynamic of the day for your other guests (that you'd both decided to invite)and you wouldn't muck in and help out?

I think your suggestion for having him around for Christmas tea sounds very fair.