DH just invited his mate over for Christmas Day

[Robyrollover]

Just told me. Asked him whilst out at the weekend apparently. He's going to be on his own if not.

We already have my Dsis and family joining us, who have never met this friend, and aren't social by any stretch. BIL in particular is quite reserved.

I have said categorically no, it will be awkward for everyone (even I don't know him well, it's been well over a year since I've socialised with him), but he can come Boxing Day. I appreciate it's not in the spirit of Christmas, and if it wasn't for my Dsis I'd welcome him with open arms. Dh says I'm being a bitch.

So, over to you Mn... AIBU to say no?

You invited your Dsis and her family after a discussion with your DH
His friend had chosen to be alone at Christmas
Your Dsis and family are awkward around people they don't know
You don't know this friend that well
He will sit on his arse all day
You do all the work at Christmas, your husband doesn't help

Frankly, I'd go somewhere else for Christmas.

YANBU.

BMW6 - how lovely of you to contribute

@Robyrollover really? If all you want is validation that's fine, but why post here?

I think thats really mean.

If you'd invited a friend and he said you weren't allowed how would that fly?

Sorry, Xpsted with about 1/2 the thread! Christmas Tea sounds a great compromise.

Catrin, if you lived near me, I'm sure you'd be welcome to join us. We're not very exciting, though. (and given this thread, i ought to check with DH first!)

Gingergenius - pardon me?

@Robyrollover pardon you what?

YANBU.

not everyone wants to spend the day with a stranger.

they will be a stranger to everyone but your husband.

Ask your husband to get his friend to help with dinner or at least bring wine or chocolates?? For Christmas? Due to people being shy? Have I stumbled into a strange parallel universe?! Your husband has invited a friend. This is it. An invite. If he comes laden with gifts or nothing surely it doesn't matter?!!

Where do I say all I want is validation? I'm fairly certain I've agreed (more than once) that IABU

So your DP doesn't really 'get' Christmas, so you do all the work, but 'gets' Christmas enough to feel sorry for, essentially, a stranger, and invite him to your home? He's a cock.

YANBU.

BUT - you can't uninvite. What you can do is make sure you aren't run ragged and allocate jobs to everybody, including your DP, which they can bond over. Make sure its all the jobs you hate. . I'd have a big glass of Baileys in one hand and a list of tasks in the other.

DO NOT slave for anybody.

I think YABVU.

I’m siding with DH on this one, to even consider leaving someone DH knows to be alone on Christmas Day is the act of a bitch. Just my opinion, but I’d be happy to have one extra and I wouldn’t care that I didn’t know them.

Not really. He might not want to be alone but the the alternative of spending it with his family is far worse.

Yeah that’s what I meant. If he actually really is choosing to be alone, he wouldn’t then accept an invite. I don’t believe just because he has family, he is choosing not to see them.

Oh op you are such a meanie! it's CHRISTMAS ffs! This is the day we should all pretend be generous and open our homes. I did laugh at how many pps say they have uninvited people turn up on Christmas Day and they welcome them with open arms
It's ridiculous how your Sister and BIL are being slated for being introverts.. how bloody dare they!

My point was that you've only acknowledged the posters who have most closely reflected your own views.

Ultimately it's your home and your relatives and you will do what works for your family dynamic but there have been a number of responses, on a spectrum, but you seem to have chosen to relate to those comments which closely match your own views.

You asked who amongst us was willing to take on a stranger at Christmas. I for one stated my own situation. There are probably others who do the same. But you chose to acknowledge views that most closely matched your own.

Anyhow, I do think your idea of a Christmas tea is a good compromise and I hope the problem resolves itself.

I get you OP.

I suffer from social anxiety, badly. If I'm invited to my brother's - great! If I'm invited to my brother's... and someone I don't know is going to be there - I will vomit, probably for a couple of days at which point I'll pluck up the courage to cancel. My brother knows I'm social awkward and suffer from anxiety, but probably not how badly I'm affected.

I'm not miserable, I have a great time with people I know... but strangers are a different matter.

People like me can't "suck it up" any more than someone with depression can "cheer up", or someone with autism can "behave themselves" etc.

"relate to those comments which closely match your own views."

Funny that - relating to opinions that match my own...?!!

It was more a relief that people had read and understood what I was saying.

If the presence of a stranger will “ruin” your sister’s day and render it unbearable for the rest of you, you need to be looking at how toxic your sister is. She’s the problem, not the friend.

Landing non family on you for xmas without prior discussion or agreement. Calling you a bitch when you don't immediately roll over. I cannot understand the roasting you're getting, OP. Fair enough to be kind to a stranger at Xmas - but has to be joint decision. Otherwise your DP is being the big kind wonderful man whilst treading on your head. And what's the betting you do the lion's share of the entertaining work - physical and emotional.

Good point HilaryWinshaw. The sister sounds very difficult. That said I would be really annoyed at DH if he did this without asking me first.

Yabu we have someone coming this year who will be all by himself this Christmas and even tho some of my family haven't met him they would never see someone on their own at Christmas!
He's actually my DH employee but a close friend as well and my heart would break to see anyone alone!
If anyone in my family complained when I was hosting Christmas Day I'd be telling them where to go!

some people are introverts, probably dsis and bil, some people are autistic and don't do sociallising with people they do not know well for long periods of time. not everybody is the same. not everybody can mange to cope with a stranger dfor several hours without feeling uncomfortable. (all the social rules change and it is hard work)

Totally with you op I would bloody hate having a stranger round for Xmas. Christmas for me is about quality time with my family, people who i can 100% be myself around. I literally look forward to it all year and if someone invited someone else it eod ruin it for me. It's great so many people would be happy to do this but if you aren't an introvert then you will never get it. I am sociable and friendly and not hard work or dull and people would probably think I was a bit of an extrovert but it doesn't come easily to me and family is my safe haven where I am happy. I don't understand why this random guy should get to choose his Christmas and not spend it with people he doesn't want to, his family, but the sis doesn't get the same privilege? It really frustrates me that shyness is seen as rudeness so often still

Jesus wept. No, the UK is definitely not a Christian nation.

The only bit the op is being unreasonable about is uninviting - you can't do that. My dh would t invite someone without consulting me, and If my dh invited someone he'd know he was going to pull his weight in preparation and hosting. If the ops isn't then he's saying I'm such a great guy sharing the Christmas spirit and loading up my wife with the actual work involved. Not such a nice guy.