DH just invited his mate over for Christmas Day

[Robyrollover]

Just told me. Asked him whilst out at the weekend apparently. He's going to be on his own if not.

We already have my Dsis and family joining us, who have never met this friend, and aren't social by any stretch. BIL in particular is quite reserved.

I have said categorically no, it will be awkward for everyone (even I don't know him well, it's been well over a year since I've socialised with him), but he can come Boxing Day. I appreciate it's not in the spirit of Christmas, and if it wasn't for my Dsis I'd welcome him with open arms. Dh says I'm being a bitch.

So, over to you Mn... AIBU to say no?

IABU?
90% say yes.
Op disagrees.
What's the point?

YANBU. He shouldn’t have asked anyone at all without agreeing it with you first. HIBVVVU to call you a bitch.

I don't get how anyone can reach adulthood and not bare the company of strangers for a short while? Social disorders etc. aside.

Surely everyday life is interaction with strangers. At work etc.

DSIS and BIL sound very odd.

All friends were strangers once.

I think it's fun to invite people you barely know for Christmas! We always did this when I was a child. Christmas can be a very lonely time.

Your DH is very kind to invite him; you are Scrooge for wanting to uninvite him.

DH was VVU not to check with you beforehand.I think you should tell him that he can only invite friend if they do all the washing up.

Sorry I meant if DH and friend do all the washing up.

Well if your family aren't that nice, he's probably glad to have a mate over. Your people sound like a bundle of joy - not. I doubt it's fun for your DH but you expect him to put up with it, don't you? Why does it all have to be about you? Still, hopefully as you've said no your DH will go over to his mates and spend some of Christmas day there

It's not so much that friend will be alone at Christmas. It's that you'll have your family there and your DH is inviting ONE person. Yet you're "furious". & why do you run around doing everything? I'm assuming your family aren't grafted into their chairs as soon as they sit down, ditto your DH. & his friend may be ok on that score too.

Christmas martyrdom is no excuse - get & accept help.

Your DH should have run it past you first and certainly shouldn't be calling you a butch.

I'd be furious at the lack of discussion too. Rescinding the invitation though would feel wrong and too mean, so I would feel trapped into going along with it. I would put on a brave face and be nice and welcoming on the day if it were me, but in the meantime DH would be left in no doubt that I wasn't best pleased with him.

Find your inner compassion.
Husband clearly should have asked.
However he didn’t and it’s done now.
Speaking from personal experience Xmas can truly suck - you may be his saving grace. You may be the difference for him and what can be a bleak time. Maybe he’ll be super helpful washing dishes ? Maybe you’ll be the one person who makes a difference in his life. You never ever ever know what someone else is going through.

YANBU.

If he has no family to go to on Christmas Day then that's on him, you shouldn't be forced to have to cater for extras.

Pain in the arse he didn’t run it by you first but it was extremely kind of him to offer. I’d be pissed if my husband didn’t do much of the work during Christmas Day but we all tend to pitch in here (because I’m a shit cook) but I’d hate for anyone to be alone on Christmas Day. One of the young boys who work for DH is coming round he’s only 19, just out of care, in a hostel, hard working & a quiet lad. Doesn’t have family! I just wouldn’t want anyone to be alone at Christmas

But I also get that if that was my family and my sister + a stranger my sister would leave. She is painfully shy.

Can't believe all the smug idiots piling in on this thread who can't be bothered to RTFT properly. The DH's friend is not some waif or stray, did you miss that he does have family, he just would rather not go to them for some reason. Perhaps his family find him difficult, who knows?

And just because the OP's sister and BIL are rather shy does not make them 'horrible'. FFS.

The DH is out of order, (particularly as he leaves the OP to do all the work) to ask someone for Christmas day without even consulting her. Of course he is. I can see that it is going to be difficult to take back the invitation now though. OP is justified in being angry.

If you are being honest, I am sure most of you would feel the same.

DH should have checked first granted, but YABU - can always make room for one more at Christmas.

I am probably the least sociable and people likin person going, but can’t bear the thought of someone being on their own at Christmas.

*liking

It is your Xmas day too OP. Hope you have a good day.

I was planning on Xmas day alone this year but from here I reckon there's about 200 possible invites for me.
I will come round, complain about food, presents, noise, telly etc, create work, not offer to help and probably ruin everyone else's Christmas Day, but you're an unselfish lot. It would be so much better to not leave someone on their own.

Well this thread is full of Christmas cheer!

Yes your husband was out of order not asking you first, but equally it’s only one other person. It may well help the dynamics however only if it’s seen as a positive which quite frankly none of you appear to be.

Poor bloke can have a meal for one on Christmas Day, send him to our house instead.

That was to Mike obvs.

Think you're getting a hard time OP, Yanbu to be annoyed with dh to invite someone without checking.

It would be awkward to have a non family member there whilst presents opened etc, I would invite them later for a drink and mince pie so the family part of Xmas is over as do agree with pp that it would be a bit mean spirited to uninvited him now.

Thanks.
Christmas day alone isn't all that bad. You get to choose what you want to watch. It's quiet. You can have a liquid breakfast if you like (not advised). You can eat what you like - there was even a Christmas Dinner Not Poodle available one year. Nobody throws a wobbly because they got the wrong thing. You don't have to feign delight at that well-thought present that suggests to you that the giver picked it up in Poundshop/Charity shop on Xmas eve. You can volunteer to help out, or not.... You can do whatever you like,
Alone does not have to mean lonely.

Bad move by DH not discussing it with you especially as other guests were discussed in advance. Make sure he does half of everything, not a 'punishment' buy because he doesn't get to be a lazy sod and leave you to it.