DH just invited his mate over for Christmas Day

[Robyrollover]

Just told me. Asked him whilst out at the weekend apparently. He's going to be on his own if not.

We already have my Dsis and family joining us, who have never met this friend, and aren't social by any stretch. BIL in particular is quite reserved.

I have said categorically no, it will be awkward for everyone (even I don't know him well, it's been well over a year since I've socialised with him), but he can come Boxing Day. I appreciate it's not in the spirit of Christmas, and if it wasn't for my Dsis I'd welcome him with open arms. Dh says I'm being a bitch.

So, over to you Mn... AIBU to say no?

I think this thread shows two types of people, those who like to have guests and those who consider their home a bit of a retreat from people. Extroverts and introverts perhaps. Older generations and younger generations perhaps

Sorry but thats nonsense. It has nothing to do with any of that. I love having guests, but only the ones I have actually invited.

Bloody hell, the christmas spirit is alive and well on this thread, eh
Well, this thread is full of random adults, and not all adults are particularly into christmas in the first place. So thats hardly surprising.

Oh and I meant to say, if DP called me a bitch, he'd be sleeping on the fucking sofa for a week. If I was being kind.

This.

The OP's husband's disregard and disrespect for the OP is the root of the problem here.

RhiannonOHara
But it was OK to invite him unilaterally in the first place, was it?

Obviously discussing it first would have been better but bloody hell it's not the end of the world is it? Wouldn't bother me that much if my DH did that and he wouldn't bat an eyelid If I did it. Jeez, you lot must fight with your partners alot if stupid things like this get you all worked up

The husband wanted the sil for Christmas op didn't, obviously some people on here never do anything without running it past their other halves, what was he meant to say I would invite you for Christmas but I need to ask my wife and the discussions about it will take several weeks I will let you know Christmas eve!!

There are also.plenty of people on here that are no contact with families would you suggest there is something wrong with them?? Or is that title only for single men who's friend has invited them for christmas

Stupid stuff like not wanted to be treated as the Christmas dogsbody and called a bitch???
Really?

tinysparklyshoes
Do your relatives not function in the outside world? There are strangers everywhere.

Not in ones home, generally. Or uninvited in ones familys home on Christmas.

Actually amazed at these responses, so hypocritical and many just outright nonsense!

It's not the sister & BIL's house though is it. They have been invited there, they don't have to go. If I was invited to someone's house I would think it perfectly normal and acceptable that there might be other people there, and its the DH's house as well. Why should the DSis & BIL's ridiculous social skills - or lack thereof - trump what he does & who he invites in his own house? The OP has already said she wouldn't mind the friend coming if the sister & BIL weren't going.

Your DH should have spoken to you first but YABU not to let him come.
You never know it might be fun. I remember one year my dad invited his friend and his wife over for Christmas dinner without asking my mum. My gran (Dads Mum) lived with my mum and Dad and she was quite the lady, thought she was above everyone else. My mum wasn’t keen on my gran.
Anyway, Mum was dreading it, as my dad was an alcoholic, his friend was an alcoholic and swore a lot (which my gran hated), and my mum didn’t really know my dads friend and his wife.
My mum had a fantastic time, she got quite a laugh seeing my gran gettign annoyed because of the swearing, and she ended up getting on quite well with dads friend and his wife. Said it was her best Christmas ever, they were playing party games and dancing round the living room.

Sorry that turned out to e a bit of a novel, but you never know you might have a great time x

YANBU.

You are considering the needs of your SIL and BIL above that of your Dh‘s mate. That does not make you mean that makes you a person put into an unasked for situation trying to balance a variety of other people's wants.
Honestly MN is still as barking mad as ever at Christmas, the reams of threads that generally advise posters to plan the Christmas that they want, and this OP deigns to protest that an adult male (who does have family he could visit but chooses not to) isn't welcome and she's consigned to pits of hell. Lol at explaining it to St Peter. I bet he has a signed nailed up on the gates saying "I'm not getting into any Christmas Day logistics discussions, so don't even start."

The invite to afternoon tea extended to staying over to Boxing Day is a good compromise. I hope the situation works itself out for you.

It amazes me that there is any need for any Crisis Christmas + similar events at all, what with the hundreds of MNers here who claim they couldn't see anyone alone. I assume that invites summonses have already been issued to every ragamuffin, loner and otherwise loose-ender on the street to demand their presence from dusk till dawn on Christmas Day?

No? How odd. Almost like a huge bout of virtue signalling without the reality

This is still literally about a man who will be alone at christmas is invited to his friemds house. Great. Friends wife then wants to uninvite said lonely man because she wasnt consulted/Sis/Bil are socially awkward. Its mean and totally everythimg that is the opposite of what christmas is about. And comparimg it to people not taking in homeless people is stupid.

The more the merrier at ours. Your husband sounds lovely to have invited him. Relax and I'm sure you'll enjoy it. Most people really are quite nice.

It's not the sister & BIL's house though is it. They have been invited there, they don't have to go

I think you are missing the point rather massively. They were invited, accepted and all was arranged in a way they and OP were happy with. That is their business, not yours or mines or anyones.
Random dude has other places he could be but has CHOSEN not to. Now you are saying OP should put some randomer who does not need to be alone even without going to hers above her own family and their arrangements? What rot!

In my family we have often had waifs and strays for Xmas and it is usually lovely. But that is out choice to do, not something anyone should be forced into.

I spend my Xmas morning volunteering for a charity and then home to my family. I bet none of you bleating about the Xmas spirit do that, nor do you invite random waifs either, you're just acting rude and superior to OP.

This is still literally about a man who will be alone at christmas is invited to his friemds house

He had other invites, he chose to be alone.

Dulwichwife- the OP won't be 'relaxing' as she will have to cater and mop up after another adult.

He wanted to be alone so he accepted an invite to his friends yeah right

No, he chose not to go elsewhere and for reasons of his own took up this invite.

And you're all saying how lovely it is that OP has one more person to skivvy for while he and DH relax and enjoy xmas.

East Dulwich you think a man who calls his wife a bitch and rides roughshod over the feelings of guests he's already invited sounds lovely?

ilovegin he has family but chose to be alone rather than with them.

@MarthaArthur
This is still literally about a man who will be alone at christmas

• By his choice.

Friends wife then wants to uninvite said lonely man.

• I didn't realise you know him and that he'd told you he was "lonely" - in which case why aren't you already hosting him?

(you are aware that "alone" /= "lonely", right?)

YABU. My parents have often invited random friends who would otherwise have been alone to join us for xmas day and they have been some of the most memorable times.

It will be fine.

YABU. My parents have often invited random friends who would otherwise have been alone to join us for xmas day and they have been some of the most memorable times

I presume you also invite randomers every year as well then? No, thought not.

Your DH should have spoken to you first but YABU not to let him come.
This. But come on, it's Christmas!

You’re a really lovely sister OP. And not BU in any way. Hope it gets sorted out.

Wouldn't bother me that much if my DH did that and he wouldn't bat an eyelid If I did it. Jeez, you lot must fight with your partners alot if stupid things like this get you all worked up

No, my DP and I don't fight. Can you guess why? It's because we don't do shit like this to each other.

And it isn't 'stupid' to object to being told, by a person who doesn't lift a finger to facilitate the day, that you'll be having an extra guest who you don't especially know and who has been a bad guest in the past. On a day when you have been careful to invite the people you want, for good reasons.