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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In not wanting to be a feminist

715 replies

tireddotcom72 · 23/11/2017 20:42

I know I’m not alone as have had this conversation with friends but does anyone else feel PC stuff is just going too far now. The gender stuff is confusing me - I’m female always have been always will be and perfectly happy that way I don’t want to identify whatever that means with anything else and change my mind or whatever the gender fluid thing is ( that really confuses me) I’m mum to a daughter - who when younger was a pink, princess, Barbie loving frilly dress wearing child. I loved her wearing pretty dresses and wanting pretty hair. I’ve always worked in female dominated jobs - through choice no one forced me from being little I wanted to be cabin crew, my parents would have preferred me to be a solicitor, accountant or doctor like my siblings but supported my decision to go into the beauty industry because that’s what I was happy doing.
When I was younger I was whistled at in the street, had my bum pinched in nightclubs etc I wasn’t offended or outraged.

I don’t want to live in a genderless world, I don’t want my teenage daughter being in gender neutral changing rooms, I don’t even like being referred to as someone’s partner I’m quite happy being called his girlfriend.

I don’t want to offend anyone with my probably old fashioned views - I’m not even old! But I’m getting fed up of constantly hearing and reading about what I should think and believe, i mean the latest fuss about Sleeping beauty ..... what will pc brigade want to ban next?

OP posts:
WhateverLolaWants · 23/11/2017 22:14

Every job I have done since leaving uni - overseas resort rep / retail management / cabin crew / teaching I have been paid exactly the same as men, had exactly the same opportunities. Can’t compare my role in the beauty industry as I was self employed and don’t know any men who do that job.

And you understand that equal pay and equal opportunities are by-products of feminism, right? Not serendipitous, organic coincidences.

Please, please, please be an MN-baiting GF and not an actual teacher. You seem to be struggling to grasp basic facts of causality, feminist or not. Sad

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 23/11/2017 22:18

I am hoping beyond hope that you are not my DD’s teacher with such a huge lack of understanding of general life and zero reading comprehension. Internalised misogyny is strong in this one.

I’d love to add to the thread but TBH other posters, especially Wildbluebells have, as usual, got it spot on

Sallystyle · 23/11/2017 22:18

Goodness. If the OP's ignorance wasn't bad enough, there are posters agreeing with her.

When I was younger I was whistled at in the street, had my bum pinched in nightclubs etc I wasn’t offended or outraged.

If you weren't offended by having your arse pinched then there is something very wrong with your expectations . Who the fuck doesn't get offended when someone touches them sexually without their consent?

Come back when you have understood what feminism is about.

Notonthestairs · 23/11/2017 22:18

My grandmother had the only steady job in her family in the late 1940's. She wanted to get a mortgage. She couldn't without the signature of a man despite the fact that man wasn't earning half of what she was.

You can get a mortgage, a bank loan, an overdraft, contraception, keep your job after marriage/childbirth and equal (ish) pay down to the women and men (David Owen gets a special mention which you'll understand knowing politics and history as you do) who fought for on our behalf. These things didn't happen by accident.

Men and women deserve parity on every level everywhere, not just the UK, and we still don't have it regardless of what you believe. I am a feminist and I believe in equality.

And I sat my that having spent the the evening painting my nails a very girlie shade of pink.

Lastly and just in case - the Daily Mail is a bottom feeding paper with nothing approaching decent journalism.

Notonthestairs · 23/11/2017 22:19

Say not say!!

LadyWithLapdog · 23/11/2017 22:20

OP, you're not a teacher. You're barely literate in your posts.

Notonthestairs · 23/11/2017 22:20

Or even say not sat. I hate predictive text.

WhateverLolaWants · 23/11/2017 22:21

I'm embarrassed for every woman on this thread who is proud to declare that they're not a feminist.

You think men should have the legal right to rape their wife?

You'd happily relinquish your right to vote?

You'd be happy to be debarred from owning property in your own name?

Really? Those things are all fine with you? You'd be happy for your daughters to live in a society like that?

Just think about it for a minute or two. Please.

BeyondAssignation · 23/11/2017 22:23

I wear make up with my dungarees and Dr Martens. Where do I stand?! Confused

LizzieSiddal · 23/11/2017 22:24

Agree WhateverLolaWants. Also add to your list that as a woman, without feminism you wouldn’t be allowed to own any property. Every single thing would belong to your father and then your H.

Oh for the good old day eh?Hmm

FourEyesGood · 23/11/2017 22:25

Just wanted to add another YABU to the pile (partly because I’m so depressed at the number of posters who’ve come on to agree with the OP - they’re the minority, but there are still waaay too many of them).

OP, please get out of the teaching profession. 4 year olds deserve better. Educators should be well-informed. You seem proud of your ignorance.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 23/11/2017 22:25

Why is this tedious moron being indulged?
Either she’s real, in which case she is no doubt revelling in the attention her idiotic pronouncements have garnered or (more likely) this is a wind up. Why bother?

WhateverLolaWants · 23/11/2017 22:25

Where do I stand?!

Don't stand, just lie back and think of England. Apparently the right to say no is 'PC gorn mad'. Angry

ifyoucantstandtheheat · 23/11/2017 22:27

Ridiculous. Not being ‘mumsnet’ feminist does not equate to not being feminist in the everyday meaning of the word

Rebeccaslicker · 23/11/2017 22:27

Check.

Your.

Privilege.

BeyondAssignation · 23/11/2017 22:28

Interesting and depressing fact for the non-feminists...
Anyone here over the age of 26 (so most of us, I'd guess) could legally have been conceived by rape. Nice.

WhateverLolaWants · 23/11/2017 22:28

Why is this tedious moron being indulged?
Either she’s real, in which case she is no doubt revelling in the attention her idiotic pronouncements have garnered or (more likely) this is a wind up. Why bother?

I know, I'm annoyed at myself for taking the bait. And for forgetting that reason will never overcome stupidity Sad

ifyoucantstandtheheat · 23/11/2017 22:28

I understand 100% what op means and count myself a feminist

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 23/11/2017 22:28

Why is this tedious moron being indulged?

You're right actually.

Whether the OP is real (let's hope not) or a GF, I hope the thread is denied much more oxygen. It truly doesn't deserve it.

Originalfoogirl · 23/11/2017 22:28

Oh dear gawd. Where to start?

Would you be happy for your male colleagues in the “beauty industry” to be paid more than you, just because they are men? If not, then you believe in feminism.

Would you be happy to wear your pretty hair and makeup and clothes and shoes simply because your male colleagues/boss/husband told you that’s what you had to wear. If not, then you believe in feminism.

Would you be happy to be passed over for promotion just because you are of child bearing age or have a family? If not then you believe in feminism.

Do you think it is right that the very industry you work in is low paid and considered unskilled, and it’s workers assumed to be uneducated and shallow, simply because primarily the jobs are done by women and the businesses owned by men? If not, then you believe in feminism.

Do you think it is right for a husband to decide his wife will stay at home with the children, if she would rather go out and work? If not then you believe in feminism.

Feminism has fuck all to do with compliments and wearing pink and liking barbie and working in a female dominated industry. It is not about the loss of chivalry and respect and it certainly is not about man-hating.

Feminism is about choice. It is about equality. It is about parity in opportunity. There is nothing wrong with working as a hairdresser. There is everything wrong in becoming a hairdresser because you did not have the same choices and opportunities as your male peers so your options were limited. It is not about avoiding or refusing to do traditionally female roles, it is about choosing the role you prefer because it is what you WANT to do it, rather than because of expectation or lack of opportunity.

There is nothing wrong with being flattered by compliments or offered a seat by a male stranger. There is everything wrong with that stranger deciding that he has the right to touch you inappropriately or repeatedly bother you when you have asked him not to.

The whole narrative, that “these days you can’t even.....” is utter bullshit. Millions of men find it perfectly straightforward to understand and not to cross the line from friendly to inappropriate. To know the difference between banter and sexual harassment. And frankly, yes, if they don’t know the difference, you should stay away from women.

The ultimate irony is, however, that because I am a feminist, I totally support your choice to not be one, if that is what you want to do.

ifyoucantstandtheheat · 23/11/2017 22:29

And my feminism is no less relevant than anyone else’s

Originalfoogirl · 23/11/2017 22:30

Shit. Sorry, that turned into a monster post 😳

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 23/11/2017 22:31

I never understand why people say they agree with feminism but wouldn't call themselves feminists because some feminists are (insert issue)

Or they heard some one who said they were a feminist say something rude or unpleasant

By all means dont label yourself a feminist if you dont want to...obviously thats your choice and more than fine. But dont let someone else put you off

I would like women to be treated equally to men...i don't think we are there yet

ifyoucantstandtheheat · 23/11/2017 22:31

Originaloofgirl have you read the op? She is paid the same

TicketyBoo83 · 23/11/2017 22:31

YABU and you need to educate yourself.

Shoxfordian that is a MAGNIFICENT quote!

In not wanting to be a feminist
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