In not wanting to be a feminist

[tireddotcom72]

I know I’m not alone as have had this conversation with friends but does anyone else feel PC stuff is just going too far now. The gender stuff is confusing me - I’m female always have been always will be and perfectly happy that way I don’t want to identify whatever that means with anything else and change my mind or whatever the gender fluid thing is ( that really confuses me) I’m mum to a daughter - who when younger was a pink, princess, Barbie loving frilly dress wearing child. I loved her wearing pretty dresses and wanting pretty hair. I’ve always worked in female dominated jobs - through choice no one forced me from being little I wanted to be cabin crew, my parents would have preferred me to be a solicitor, accountant or doctor like my siblings but supported my decision to go into the beauty industry because that’s what I was happy doing.
When I was younger I was whistled at in the street, had my bum pinched in nightclubs etc I wasn’t offended or outraged.

I don’t want to live in a genderless world, I don’t want my teenage daughter being in gender neutral changing rooms, I don’t even like being referred to as someone’s partner I’m quite happy being called his girlfriend.

I don’t want to offend anyone with my probably old fashioned views - I’m not even old! But I’m getting fed up of constantly hearing and reading about what I should think and believe, i mean the latest fuss about Sleeping beauty ..... what will pc brigade want to ban next?

I give in, keeps posting before I am finished typing. I take the hint, mumsnet

Why are you being represented by people on the internet?

Because when you say to strangers you're a feminist, they associate you with the militant ones that are all over the DM saying men are assholes, unfortunately.

I know what feminism MEANS as a concept but in reality it's come to be associated with a whole load of other unpleasantness.

You know that lots of words that start with fem don't mean the same thing don't you?

Feminism
Feminine
Female

Yolo the DM is over run with manhating militant feminists? Wow, you could have fooled me! Stop listening to what men tell you feminism is, most of them don't have the first fucking clue.

I hope one day there will be a virtual reality type machine that we can put killers in for example, and they then experience what it was like to be their own victim, feel the suffering, the fear etc, it might teach people empathy. This new fad of young women who think it's cool to be anti feminist could be popped in there and shown what it's like to live in a world without feminism and all of the things it has achieved for them. Ungrateful brats.

"on other threads I’m being called stupid and ignorant because I care about “menz feelings” and transgender people."

If you're being called stupid and ignorant then that is rude and unnecessary. But might it be that people are suggesting that there might be things you haven't thought of yet?

@Skarossinkplunger I don’t believe that there should be “women’s spaces” and am perfectly ok with the presence of a penis in the next cubicle to me

OK. Are you still happy when that person says "I am a woman I can be in here" and then proceeds to expose his penis and show it to everyone under some guise of "getting changed"? What if it just happened to be erect? What if he was looking over or under the stall door at you? What if he was masturbating under his clothes as you re-applied some makeup?

Of course, most women don't do any version of that, but predatory men do and will. And when and if predatory men are allowed to self-declare and gain access into toilets where women and girls of all ages and life experiences are performing intimate acts and in a space that they believed to be safe from such predatory males, is that still ok?

Still ok when you are in a rape crisis centre having been attacked, then a 6ft bloke with a beard walks in and he is the lady doctor assigned to do your vaginal exam to assess damage?

What about when you escaped domestic violence and on your first night in a space free from a violent man, one walks in and sits a bit too close to you?

All of this is what's going to be possible and legal if the GRA becomes law.

So do tell me - where would you draw that line, because if you are fine with all that ^^, then sweet jesus I need to keep me and mine away from people like you. It's not just some overblown moan about a man innocently weeing in the cubicle next door.

My own "brand of feminism" is against that Skaross, personally.

But there is no shortage of women on the other side saying "my feminism will be intersectional, or it will be bullshit"

Both still feminists, both still want women not to be subjugated.

Most men don’t do that either. I’m
not about punishing the majority for the crimes of the few.

And I sat in a rape crisis centre with a 15 year old boy who eventually refused to be examined because told it had to be a female doctor.

If you believe that you need to stay away from people like me you won’t be aggrieved if I feel the need to distance myself from people like you.

So you want boys and men to be able to choose what sex of doctor examines them in a rape crisis centre, but not girls and women? Is that right or have I misunderstood you?

I'm with you OP
X

You have misunderstood me. Perhaps, i think, deliberately

Stop listening to what men tell you feminism is, most of them don't have the first fucking clue.

Yet another rude "most men are idiots and so are you" post that is the sort of thing that makes me not want to associate with the label, despite agreeing with the movement.

And I sat in a rape crisis centre with a 15 year old boy who eventually refused to be examined because told it had to be a female doctor.

A rape crisis centre told a teen boy that they had to be examined by someone of the opposite sex?! Thats horrendous. Its not even law (yet) so theres really no excuse at all.

And no, most men do not do that. But enough men do do that that sex segregation is necessary. Though from your posts I am understanding that you do not believe in sex segregation at all. Which makes a lot more sense than what is usually said on threads about it, where we do need male and female areas, but males should be allowed into female areas

What is the point you were making about the boy in the rape crisis centre not being able to choose the sex of the examining doctor?

yolo you're right of course, I should police my language and make sure I always say some men. Funny how men aren't expected to do the same and it's fine for them to say "men need sex" or "women aren't funny". Why do I need to be so careful with my language if men won't police theirs? In fact I've never even seen one man pull another guy up for it and point out that he should say some women. Funny that....

I'd take a wild guess that only female doctors were available at the centre? I'd also imagine that a male would have been available, just they'd have to wait?

• were available immediately at the centre

It was the middle of the night, the only on call doctor was female “because woman are generally the victims of rape”. The fact that he had been assaulted by a woman was lost in them.

Time was of essence, evidence needed to be gathered and it couldn’t wait.

beyond I see what you are getting at, but no, I do not practise any 'strain' of Christianity. I dislike organised religion because if the way it outlaws individuals who believe in the cause but not the worship, because of the way it singles people out for disagreeing or not understanding. That is why I used it as an analogy for not liking the way feminism is portrayed by so many people.

Stop blaming 'men'. My husband is a man and he's never raped anyone! He's never been disrespectful towards me or anyone else- male or female. He is not the cause.

And when women voice these opinions it should be met with respect and at least an attempt to be heard... not responses like "so you agree with rape then?". That's ludicrous. To use my analogy again, it would be like me saying to a practising Christian, o have I believe in God, but I don't go to church. And they reply with "So you want to burn for eternity in hell then?".

Well... obviously I don't. These are quite aggressive and very sarcastic comments that can actually be quite hurtful.

These comments make women, like myself, think 'sod this I'm off. This isn't for me'. So not exactly helping feminism. I think that is something that feminists need to be aware of.

and it's fine for them to say "men need sex" or "women aren't funny

Of course it's not fine and I pull them up on it for saying shit like that. But when people claim to be part of a movement about equality and THEN make offensive sweeping statements about the other sex, I find it hypocritical and undermining the movement.

Poor kid, Skaross. I think, if I'm following you, you are saying that you DO understand and agree that same-sex services are needed for some things, but disagree that it's necessary for changing cubicles?

"Stop listening to what men tell you feminism is, most of them don't have the first fucking clue.

Yet another rude "most men are idiots and so are you" post that is the sort of thing that makes me not want to associate with the label, despite agreeing with the movement."

Most men who pontificate about feminism are idiots. Not most men re idiots.

Time was of essence, evidence needed to be gathered and it couldn’t wait.

So do you agree with sex segregation (and the right to request a same sex HCP, which is essentially the same thing) or not? As your posts seem to be saying you can see why it is needed, but you stated you don't agree with 'women' (I would argue that males need spaces away from females too) needing safe spaces or anything. Its a little confusing thats all.

The changes to the GRA would not make anything any better for this 15 year old boy. They wuill just make things worse for a lot more people.