To want to let colleagues know that this "lovely gesture" is making me feel like crap

[KeithLeMonde]

Every now and again someone at work does this "Random Acts of Kindness" thing where they wrap little gifts in lovely paper and pop them into people's pigeonholes anonymously with nice messages about how lovely the person is.

Each time they do it they seem to pick a selection of colleagues. It seems to be about 1/3 of the people each time. It's obviously different people each time they do it. One of my colleagues has had a gift every time - she is obviously lovely. The other women who I share an office with have had gifts once or twice. I have never received one.

I know this is meant to be nice but I feel like everyone at work fucking hates me.

The recipients send round these all staff emails (because the gifts are anonymous) saying how lovely it is to be appreciated. And I sit there (as do probably a few others) feeling like shit because it seems like no-one appreciates me.

I am not horrible at work I don't think. I am friendly. I work hard. I go out of my way to help people out.

I am just burning with a desire to let the RAOK person know that it's not nice to play favourites and that you can't plan a whole-class party and not invite one child. Yes, I am 44 not 6. Rubbish at my age to feel like the little girl in the playground that no-one wants to play with.

Well, yay for men.

Not really, the doughnuts kill us even quicker.

Men are so much more sensible and even handed than us silly women.

I say steal the glory. Send everyone a Christmas card saying you hope everyone has enjoyed your raok and that your sorry if anyone got left out (purely coincidental obv) but that it’s time for someone else to take the reins for 2018. And just watch the original gift giver self combust with rage- that op is your gift lol

I don't know why management aren't jumping up and down on all of this. What an utter waste of time! Do people in this office not do any actual work?

LOL at DisgraceToTheYChromosome

Who remembers the china c**t cup picture someone posted on here quite a while ago the C was the handle. That would do well sitting in the RAOK persons pigeon hole.

Men are so much more sensible and even handed than us silly women

I don't think it's that. I think instead it's that there is a sexist expectation that women are supposed to like silly things and be obsessed with pretty presents and being 'caring' at work and some women play right into it.

It holds women back. I can't see Alan Sugar or Warren Buffett doing this sort of bullshit and it stops women being taken seriously. Sort of 'Oh we're over here making the important decisions about the future of the business and she's over there sending out emails about a glittery prosecco glass'.

I used to get bags of carrots and the odd apple left on my desk by someone still unkown.

(I had a reputation for friending horses local to work)

Gosh, aren't men great? It gives one a sense of perspective.

Men simply can't be bothered with politics. That's why none of them are actually in politics.

The people involved probably don't realise it, but this is bullying by exclusion.
m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=5879

I would take it up with your manager. What they are doing is not appropriate and they should take it outside of the workplace.

On a lighter note, I normally run a mile from the sort of people that do this patronising, twee shite

Oh, and I've NEVER been in a workplace where the men socially excluded the women.

Equality of misery is the management mantra that this thread advocates

Are you saying some people getting presents is better than no one getting presents?

Surely you can see that's not the case, when those who get nothing are made to feel excluded? And besides, giving gifts at work doesn't necessarily have the capacity to avoid employees feeling miserable. Just as no one receiving a gift is unlikely to lead to misery. Most grown people cope just fine without a crappy little gift

Posted too soon.

...unless some people get gifts and others don't

It's not just men though. Lots of women want to behave professionally at work but if they do they get 'punished' by the girly girls for not joining in. Which doesn't happen to men who don't do it. It's bloody sexist and plays into stereotypes of how women 'should' behave.

I find this totally bizarre. I thought that Random Acts of Kindness were basically doing something kind without any explanation for a stranger who might like it (ie someone you may never see again). This is effectively starting an office popularity contest with an anonymous judge.

I've worked in offices where occasionally a senior member of the team would buy everyone snacks/bottle of wine etc for no special reason- just to show that they appreciated that everyone was putting in a lot of work. That's nice and makes everyone feel good. Your example is just like the popular kids in the school yard picking who they'll allow to play with them that day.

I'd be making sure HR knew about it