To want to let colleagues know that this "lovely gesture" is making me feel like crap

[KeithLeMonde]

Every now and again someone at work does this "Random Acts of Kindness" thing where they wrap little gifts in lovely paper and pop them into people's pigeonholes anonymously with nice messages about how lovely the person is.

Each time they do it they seem to pick a selection of colleagues. It seems to be about 1/3 of the people each time. It's obviously different people each time they do it. One of my colleagues has had a gift every time - she is obviously lovely. The other women who I share an office with have had gifts once or twice. I have never received one.

I know this is meant to be nice but I feel like everyone at work fucking hates me.

The recipients send round these all staff emails (because the gifts are anonymous) saying how lovely it is to be appreciated. And I sit there (as do probably a few others) feeling like shit because it seems like no-one appreciates me.

I am not horrible at work I don't think. I am friendly. I work hard. I go out of my way to help people out.

I am just burning with a desire to let the RAOK person know that it's not nice to play favourites and that you can't plan a whole-class party and not invite one child. Yes, I am 44 not 6. Rubbish at my age to feel like the little girl in the playground that no-one wants to play with.

I thought the Random Act of Kindness thing was more like going into a coffee shop and paying for the next person's coffee or something? Completely anonymous, so the giver doesn't know who they're giving to and the recipient doesn't know who it's from. The way you're describing it, OP, is ridiculous and I can quite understand your feeling the way you do. Though I'm afraid I don't have any suggestion as to what you should do about it, apart from try to rise above it.

Some people have far far too much time on their hands...

You need to put a gift in your own pigeon hole and then send a gushing "nice to be appreciated" mail to the whole office. This will mess with the secret gift givers head...do this every so often.

Don't get mad...get even....or at least have some fun with it.

Eh? One person gets a gift every time they do it? That's hardly random. It's verging on stalkerish. Her house must be getting overcrowded with nice bath sets and the like.

Here are some random gifts for you Keith

*I mean the same woman gets a gift every time? What on earth is this madness?

I'd buy a faberge egg, stick it in my own pigeon hole and then go full on method upon "discovering" it: waterworks, trembly lip, quite overcome, round robin email to all staff thanking the anonymous giver for "the most beautiful gift you've ever received".

If you can't beat 'em, go one better...

Ifnot, I am lovely, but also have post office traumatic rage. As I said downthread, stop asking me to spend money I don’t have on your “fun” ideas!

The last office I was in the same bitches (& one nice woman) organized everything and when people would quit (which was every month, because it was awful) there’d be cards and a present. But the fuss made reflected how beloved the person was by the coven.

The one nice woman went on extended sick leave and the next person’s quitting time loomed. I noticed no card had gone round (though we had a box of free, ugly cards in the back). I said “er, aren’t we giving Jas a card or gift?” “No, he hasn’t been here long enough” (it had been 6 months). Okay then. Three months later I left (nice woman still on sick leave), also no card, gift, balloons. In between me and Jas there’d been other leaving do’s.

Offices breed this crazy nonsense - I have no idea why. What should be, for the most part, pretty low-stress work ends up being crazy-making.

YANBU. I would not be surprised if the culprit is from HR, they’re generally bonkers, but definitely go to them.

One person gets a gift every time they do it? That's hardly random

But it is random, in the mathematical sense. If there are 30 pigeon holes and 10 gifts and those 10 gifts get randomly distributed once a month, over a year most people will get on average 4 gifts, but some will get nothing at all, some one or two, some well over 4 but it's far from impossible (probably around 10/20% chance) that someone will get a gift every time.

This is utter bullshit!! And not nice or kind at all, if not everyone's getting one. I know for a fact that I would never get the present, because I'm pleasant at work but not really overly friendly because I'm trying to get my work done so I can get to the DCs in time.
I'd take it out of the person's pigeonhole and either put it in my own or put it in someone else's.
Or highlight to management that it's not actually great for morale and is a bit playgroundish.

Good shout Butchy
I'd buy an actual pigeon to put in mine for maximum attention.

This is an example of people wanting to think they are thoughtful without giving any thought to their actions. This gift process at work is just plain thoughtless and making the givers feel better

Do you work in a school per chance? My place used to do this. I did get one on one occasion but I was loosely acquainted with the inner circle. It was very clear that some people would never feel the benefit.

Hate this shit. Definitely buy yourself something excellent and claim it as your gift.

For me, RAOK is things like paying the bus fare of the person behind me, leaving a lovely bookmark or little cheery note in a library book or in a book in a bookshop, that kind of thing. It's random because the recipient could be anyone. I think the giver in your office has misunderstood the concept.

But it’s not random if someone is choosing the recipient? It’s just sucking up and actually primary school children would see through the unfairness of this in 5 mins flat.

Thanks for calculating the probability stats Barbara!

It really shouldn't be random for this reason. For the sake of fairness it needs be changed to Calculated On a Rota Acts of Kindness (CORAK).

Or scrapped.

YANBU. I like Elspeth’s idea of chocolate buttons for all 🙂

Here’s one for you OP 🎁⭐️

And for everyone else as well 🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Another one here who would feel creepd out and slightly patronised at receiving such a gift..

The giver is clearly only doing it because it makes themselves feel good.

This makes me cringe.

OP if you're the only person not to receive one.....surely that makes you the sender.

Or at least that's what people will think.

So what you need to do is totally troll them into thinking it is you.

Why not just randomly bring in some nice cakes for the office to sharelike normal colleagues do

I bet the gift giver is a man.

It is a bit odd. I mean I've done stuff before like my colleague mentions her daughter has started getting mad for lip gloss, I get home and realise I have a new one I don't want, so I take it in for her
Or colleague mentions they love X sweets but can't find them anywhere, I see them so get them a packet. That type of thing. But it's not secretive!

Thinking about it, it's not random if the gifts contain notes describing how lovely the person is. They're purposefully picking the recipients each time.

Unless the messages are just generic twaddle not aimed at anyone.

Post this to every pigeon hole.

Random acts of kindness
Don’t really seem that kind,
When some of us are treated,
and some are left behind.

So either give to everyone
Or try to do it so,
The gifts are kept a secret
And the rest of us won’t know.

Soul

That little rhyme is brilliant!