To want to let colleagues know that this "lovely gesture" is making me feel like crap

[KeithLeMonde]

Every now and again someone at work does this "Random Acts of Kindness" thing where they wrap little gifts in lovely paper and pop them into people's pigeonholes anonymously with nice messages about how lovely the person is.

Each time they do it they seem to pick a selection of colleagues. It seems to be about 1/3 of the people each time. It's obviously different people each time they do it. One of my colleagues has had a gift every time - she is obviously lovely. The other women who I share an office with have had gifts once or twice. I have never received one.

I know this is meant to be nice but I feel like everyone at work fucking hates me.

The recipients send round these all staff emails (because the gifts are anonymous) saying how lovely it is to be appreciated. And I sit there (as do probably a few others) feeling like shit because it seems like no-one appreciates me.

I am not horrible at work I don't think. I am friendly. I work hard. I go out of my way to help people out.

I am just burning with a desire to let the RAOK person know that it's not nice to play favourites and that you can't plan a whole-class party and not invite one child. Yes, I am 44 not 6. Rubbish at my age to feel like the little girl in the playground that no-one wants to play with.

ffs I really wonder about people when I read threads like this. Dont people know how to behave at work? How to avoid creating cliques or conflict?
Get HR to put a stop to it.

That should be clamped down on, with all possible speed. How fucking cringeworthy, giving anonymous presents "because you're worth it".
God almighty!
I'm pretty sure that's not actually how random acts of kindness is supposed to work, anyway.
Isn't it more giving someone who's short of coins for parking your loose change, or buying someone who looks cold and miserable a coffee, or stuff like that?

I'm going to give gifts out on this thread now I think.

to Zebra for her wise words
to Keith for sheer randomness
A for Zebra as she gets overlooked a lot.

Random. See!

I think this is unprofessional and inappropriate. No doubt the person doing it would be horrified to have it described in that way, I would like to assume their attentions are good if rather childish, but no matter what it is bound to foster ill-feeling in the way you are experiencing. You will not be alone in how you feel.

If you were the only person not to receive the RAOK, then it’s a discriminatory and passive form of bullying, if that could be a thing

Frankly if I were to receive such an item I would find it very strange and a tiny bit stalkery that someone felt strongly enough about my charms/abilities/general appeal to give me an actual gift, but not to speak to me to my face and express their appreciation. Like grownups do. It’s a work environment!

I thought this sort of nonsense only happened on Reddit for karma. I would feel really shitty as well. Do what others have suggested and give yourself a gift, and try not to take it personally (easier said then done, I know).

Lol! I'm sorry, it's no doubt meant with lovely intentions, but as you say it can seem like a bit "playing favourites" when the same people get it all the time and some are left out.
Sorry for the lol but it's because of it reminds me of Mean Girls.
"Ho, ho, ho! One for you, one you, and none for Gretchen Weiners."

Hahahaha what a bunch of plonkers.

Mess with their heads. Get something a bit dodgy and pass it off as one of their 'gifts'. You know something ever so slightly insulting - a book about things to enjoy in your retirement to a woman in her early 50's. Beautifully wrapped condoms for someone with 6 kids.

YANBU just because it is supposed to be a nice gesture, doesn't mean it actually works out that way in reality. I would be contacting HR about it.

It's bloody creepy and childish. I wouldn't want one of the gifts. It is excluding and there is no place for it at work. Why hasn't your HR area put a stop to it. If I kept getting an anonymous present for being lovely (would never happen, I'm not) I would feel weird about it. I once got an anonymous Valentines Card at work and that made me feel really uncomfortable.

I’m tempted to save this thread so I can refer to it, should I ever feel tempted to return to the hell that is office politics.

What is this? Primary school playgrounds?

This is sick-making. How old are these people?!

RAOK is a society; it is about helping someone who needs a hand without expecting any thanks or acknowledgment. It is not about leaving twee little gifts and notes in pigeon-holes.

Grinch on!

Yuk. I cannot stand it when people spend money on people at work. Because at some point you’re expected to pony up. I’m not cheap, I’m skint. Secret Santa, money for charity, or (as in the case of my last job) incredibly shitty food cooked by rotating staff members which we were expected to pay for and eat (except it was always vile) & then the money was used for “treats”, the treats being store bought vile food like cheap white ice cream (didn’t taste like vanilla, tastes like sugar). Stop assuming everyone has money to spare on your “fun” ideas. Sorry, rant over.

And random acts of kindness should be paying for a stranger’s coffee, or raking an elderly neighbours’ leaves when they’re not looking, etc. Not sucking up to your mates, or the people you wish were your mates.

This isn't a RAOK it's alienating, divisive and just feeding into the giver's ego with all the gushing from recipients as to how wonderful it is to be appreciated - it is more about the giver and their needs than the recipient.

This does the opposite of achieving a cohesive team all it does is make the non recipients feel undermined, unappreciated and somehow less worthy.

I would report it to HR as I can't believe they would condone this.

You are not a misery or selfish bastard - this is just not appropriate in a workplace.

the Snivelling Creature sending these little notes with teensy gifts is a DICK

It all sounds fucking weird to me.

Zebra, here's a present back to you for understanding randomness properly < applauds >

And yes, Pumpkin, that is totally what it feels like!

I am not going to do this but I am having a little passive aggressive daydream about sending an email about how shit it makes me feel and how Mean Girls it all is to my friend but accidentally pressing "Send to all". Totally not going to do that (because I am a grown up).

That's utterly barking. You should definitely have a chat with HR, this might have seemed like a lovely idea to someone but it's just got too much potential to upset people and turn into a nasty, cliquey little playground game whatever the original motive.

Or...

You could start a RAOM (random acts of misery) campaign and wrap up a rubber dog turd, half eaten piece of toast, one sock or some chewed pencils in scrotty old newspaper and deposit them in peoples pigeon holes with a note saying 'Because you're worth it'. But yeah, better to go with option 1

Oh gosh I had similar in a previous place of work. Every week you had to anonymously put a name in a hat with a reason you chose them and then a few names would be picked out and those people would win chocolate. I put my own name in every week and I still never got the chocolate in 3 years of employment

How absolutely odd! I always thought random acts of kindness were reserved for people you don't know.

Sounds a bit cringey to be honest. Especially if it’s not an official work thing. We used to have a similar thing at my old work but with certificates. You could nominate people who had gone above and beyond at work, and there was a prize draw each month. But it was always the same clique of women giving their mates the certificates, so same few people winning prizes. Most people who just quietly got on with their jobs never felt they got any recognition for it, so it was alienating lots of the workforce.

KeithLeMonde

But surely that's better? You said it feels like everybody hates you at work. They don't! The person doing the giving might have had a disagreement with you once or doesn't share the same political views or it could be any reason. It would be awful if the whole office was involved and you were still in this position but that's not the case. I appreciate how it is upsetting though.

Here's a virtual present for you. Tom Hardy with puppy.

I agree with Gemini, the gift giver is a dick! Totally doing it for the glory.

I'd be tempted to put a bloody soppy pink fragranced note in EVERYONES letterbox... expressing the need to appreciate EVERYONE and not just the special few... because your not into favoritism....

^^ RAOT!! (Random Act of Thievery)