To want to let colleagues know that this "lovely gesture" is making me feel like crap

[KeithLeMonde]

Every now and again someone at work does this "Random Acts of Kindness" thing where they wrap little gifts in lovely paper and pop them into people's pigeonholes anonymously with nice messages about how lovely the person is.

Each time they do it they seem to pick a selection of colleagues. It seems to be about 1/3 of the people each time. It's obviously different people each time they do it. One of my colleagues has had a gift every time - she is obviously lovely. The other women who I share an office with have had gifts once or twice. I have never received one.

I know this is meant to be nice but I feel like everyone at work fucking hates me.

The recipients send round these all staff emails (because the gifts are anonymous) saying how lovely it is to be appreciated. And I sit there (as do probably a few others) feeling like shit because it seems like no-one appreciates me.

I am not horrible at work I don't think. I am friendly. I work hard. I go out of my way to help people out.

I am just burning with a desire to let the RAOK person know that it's not nice to play favourites and that you can't plan a whole-class party and not invite one child. Yes, I am 44 not 6. Rubbish at my age to feel like the little girl in the playground that no-one wants to play with.

I'd start sending myself bouquets of flowers.

Bloody Thoughtless thoughtful people!

Random Facts of Skegness though is comedy gold.

Keith really feeling for you and it sounds like a horrid situation. I love the poems above but doubt the recipients would understand.

We have an officially sanctioned sort of doing-your-job-kindly award. All the in-crowd have awarded them to each other, including people who have been complained about can make some peoples’ lives a misery at work. It’s really divisive.

Just send round the thank you email WITHOUT faking your own gift.

Confuse-athon ensues. Good outcome.

I'd find both getting and not getting a bit embarrassing – I’d be outwardly ignoring it all but internally worry about it.

I like the random facts of Skegness idea – made me go and find Weekly photo of Nikola Tesla thread which I’d forgotten to keep up with and so missed all the tattoo pictures. Perhaps it could help you start Random facts of Tesla.

I like the weekly pic of Nikola Tesla.

Maybe start a collection to cover the cost..... but don’t overcharge

Also..

Feast your eyes on this fellow Skegness fans

http://www.research-lincs.org.uk/lro/documentslro/SiteeText/2001Census/ParishhProfiles/PDF/32UC136.pdf

The gift giver is probably very needy and insecure. Raise above it.

We occasionally have similar at work and it usually works out that all the people getting gifts at any one time have something in common, for example all the support staff in one department might get something, or all the people who have the earlier lunch break, so hang out in the staff room together, it was ages before anyone realised the poor receptionist was getting left out, she's awesome and well loved, she just wasn't in any particular group.

Could that be why you are being left out?

Good work, Pash

I’ve just discovered that the church in Skegness has stones for the holiday makers who drowned in the sea there 😱 www.skegness.net/about-skegness/skegness-heritage.html

But also that Skegness has a Meccano event every year.

Oh OP print off @SoulStew's rhyme and stick it in the pigeon holes! Don't forget to put one in yours too or everyone else will know it was you

What’s stopping you from also doing “random acts” for others?

I bet one person is doing it for attention and glory and if a couple of you also started doing it, it would take the wind of our her sails. She’s probably “out” herself in some mean girl way and then you can have a chat with HR about how her “acts” were attempts to exclude coworkers and gain favouritism with others.

It's a bit of a mad idea IMHO. However, I'd have thought the people who receive presents are ones who are going through a hard time rather than they're the nicest people. Do you give presents to this nutty scheme or not. Just say count me out thanks and then no need to get upset.

I think that’s ridiculous tbh!

It's bizarre. I bet most of them send themselves gifts.

Ignore it.
Don't engage with it.
Rise above it.
Problem solved.

Two options spring to mind from the pattern you describe. 1) secret crush on woman who always gets a gift, made less inappropriate by including other people or 2) lovely woman is struggling with something and the person wants her especially to feel better. Could even be a group effort by the others who get them, including themselves as a decoy.

Isn't it possible it's completely random though, whoever is doing it is drawing names out of a hat and there's no malice in you not getting one. They should probably remove the people drawn in the last round though for fairness.

We have a recognition thing going on at work. They had some postcards printed up with different qualities on them, for example 'kindness', 'outstanding service', that sort of thing. Colleagues are encouraged to complete one when someone has gone that bit extra... It is very cliquey and a small group tend to send them amongst themselves then display them proudly on their desk divider.

We also have a colleague of the month thing, which again is cliquey and nauseating. I would be upset if was every nominated.

I find all this recognition of your qualities and little notes patronising. It's as if someone's gone on The Importance of Positive Reinforcement course and taken it far far too literally.

Put pigeons in the pigeon holes

The weirdo doing this ought to be fired. Don't people go to offices to work anymore? Fucked up waste of time. Who is paying for this demented shit? What has our society come to?

Anyway. In your position I'd ignore and get on with your work. Or to satisfy yourself you could get a concealed camera (like a nanny cam in a teddy or some shit), point it at the pigeon holes and see who this creepy twat is.

Crikey! Some people have way too much time on their hands! I'd treat the whole thing with the contempt it deserves.

You could make a big, visible sticker chart with all your colleagues names on and add to it when they get a present. That might get everyone going! Esp as the giver probably does him or herself to avoid suspicion.

Honestly, it's a sweet idea gone wrong; I'd probably complain to HR that it perhaps isn't coming across as intended and should stop. Then start an anonymous fact of the day for the office, "a little present EVERYONE can share".