To want to let colleagues know that this "lovely gesture" is making me feel like crap

[KeithLeMonde]

Every now and again someone at work does this "Random Acts of Kindness" thing where they wrap little gifts in lovely paper and pop them into people's pigeonholes anonymously with nice messages about how lovely the person is.

Each time they do it they seem to pick a selection of colleagues. It seems to be about 1/3 of the people each time. It's obviously different people each time they do it. One of my colleagues has had a gift every time - she is obviously lovely. The other women who I share an office with have had gifts once or twice. I have never received one.

I know this is meant to be nice but I feel like everyone at work fucking hates me.

The recipients send round these all staff emails (because the gifts are anonymous) saying how lovely it is to be appreciated. And I sit there (as do probably a few others) feeling like shit because it seems like no-one appreciates me.

I am not horrible at work I don't think. I am friendly. I work hard. I go out of my way to help people out.

I am just burning with a desire to let the RAOK person know that it's not nice to play favourites and that you can't plan a whole-class party and not invite one child. Yes, I am 44 not 6. Rubbish at my age to feel like the little girl in the playground that no-one wants to play with.

I dislike this whole practice. It's work, not a social club, and it's an immature thing to do.

Here's a virtual present for you. Tom Hardy with puppy.

Now that would be something to find in your pigeon hole! I wouldn't know which one to cuddle first.

Maybe you could take the piss out of it. Start your own one. Random acts of Skegness or something. Print out facts about Skegness and post them in random pigeon holes.

Although I'm not sure there are many Skegness facts... 🤔

Mimi - the thing about these office shenanigans too, is that all this time-wasting is generally done instead of just treating people decently in daily interactions.

I'd send out an email, calling them out on it. It is obvious favouritism and pathetic tbh.
Something along the lines of - " Hi, seems like the random acts of kindness are a nice idea in theory but quite selective. Perhaps it's better if we appreciate everyone on a daily basis rather than giving gifts to some people and making others feel left out?"
This would really annoy me.

I think that most RAOK are actually pretty unsettling to the recipient. We all expect to go about our days in a certain way. If I went to pay for a coffee and got told that someone else had paid I'd feel a bit discombobulated. I have enough money to pay for my own coffee and I'd feel almost like I'd stolen or conned some money from the person.

I once felt that work had been a bit unhappy recently, so bought a fairly big selection of retro sweets and left them out in the staff room with a note up for people to help themselves. I went in there later that day only to hear someone having a real long moan about how none of the sweets were ones that she liked so it was shit as far as she was concerned. Last time I bothered doing that.

Nowadays, I prefer just getting on with my day without any randomness, whether it's meant to be kind or otherwise.

I’ve not read all comments - maybe take it as a compliment that people think you’ve got your shit together and you don’t need a ridiculously wrapper mars bar to help you feel better, because someone feels sorry for you that your plant just died.

But yes, it does stink of playground antics

SuperPug I think if you actually did this though, people would be saying 'well with an attitude like that it's no wonder she hasn't got a present.'

OP I would buy yourself a present then send an email round saying thanks everyone it's so nice for you to be recognized just for the fun of it.

I do agree it isn't fair even if it's only a random act of kindness if it's making people feel bad then they should either include everyone or stop.

here some flowers for your mums net pigeon hole if that helps ?

I'm so glad I've never worked anywhere with this sort of BS, it would definitely bring out the worst in me. Passing round a fake turd would've been far more up my old colleagues' street thank god

It's just not appropriate at work is it - and your email sets out why very nicely.

That is just creepy as hell. I once had a stalker who used to leave little gifts and unsigned poems in my locker. I shudder even thinking about it now.

I'd be glad not to be receiving them tbh.

Have you ever given a gift to a colleague OP?

Lol that is so weird. I'm sorry but whoever is doing that needs to get a new hobby. Do they not realise how mean that is? Giving out their "random" acts of kindness in a completely non-random well, to selected people?

Look on the bright side, at least you're not in the little clique with what we can only presume is some sort of hobgoblin in a trouser suit.

I actually think it is awful as some are bound to be /feel left out. Personally I would ignore it. Anyway, you've been given Tom Hardy AND a puppy!

What a f*cking stupid and divisive idea. I like the poem someone suggested earlier as a polite way of pointing out the bleedin' obvious.

Showme has it right. It isn't random, it's creepy favourtism.

How long have they been doing it for + how many people do you work with?

You could just be the unlucky person that they haven't got round to buying anything for yet.

Someone has to be the first person and someone has to be the last.

Its bloody weird,,and creepy and not 'kind' at all. Bordering on sycophantic.Id feel most uncomfortable if I kept receiving gifts,

I know it is different but I currently hate the B&W photo thing on facebook, I am never nominated (I am just not on anyone's top 7 people list) which normally I am happy with but occasionally (like now) it makes me feel like an outsider.

(I don't actually even want to take B&W photos)

Get something amazing wrap it up and put it in yours and then send an email the next day thanking amazing person who has done this and oh is it only me this time?

Have some flowers delivered to yourself at work - ‘from a secret admirer’. Fuck with their minds Keith. Fuck with their minds.

loving the random facts of Skegness suggestion. You could have fun with this game. Random Skegness facts one day, flat earth "facts" the next, the history of bananas the next.... confuse the hell out of everyone

I'd take it as childish nonsense, all that sucking up to people. But I completely understand how some would find it horrible. It's unprofessional to say the least.

& what's happened to awareness skills? Isn't it noticed that some don't receive gifts? You'd think someone would say as an aside look, this isn't a good thing if some are being consistently left out.

Honestly some people appear to have the hide of a rhino. No concept of insensitivity. Try to ignore it all OP. Silly people

Urgh. It’s the instagram, snap shot of life bullshit. Either ignore it or, even better, send an email out to the whole group explaining why this is such shitty and passive aggressive behaviour.