To send a sick toddler to nursery?

[user4321]

Im on my way to work feeling awful having just dropped my 18month old off at nursery. He is unwell in the sense he has a cold and runny nose and temp, is being more clingy and is more sensitive to tantrums than his usual self. It is more likely than not that the nursery will call one of us to collect him, but my DH has a meeting first thing (after that he is free and can leave work if required). With my employer, it looks better if I’m called away than to not show up in the first place. But I’m feeling guilty and thinking I shouldn’t have left him there in the first place, is it unfair on the staff?

I'd have sent him, but our nursery has a policy of "if they're ok with calpol, bring them in". Which is a policy I truly appreciate.

It's an impossible situation really and I'm surprised people arent more understanding on this thread.

Many employers make virtually no concessions for family life and yes, if I kept DS off for every sniffle I'd have been out of a job a long time ago. I don't think it's selfish to need to keep the family afloat. Lots if people don't have additional support.

At the same time I have a lot of sympathy for those with immuno issues, but I don't know what you're supposed to do.

our nursery has a policy of "if they're ok with calpol, bring them in"

Yeah our kids' second nursery had that policy. I didn't notice that they were any sicker that year than they had been the year before, either.

I didn’t give calpol as he absolutely despises it and also didn’t want to lie to the nursery. He also had moments of perkiness mixed with clinginess so didn’t seem too unwell. He was chattering away in the car on the way too and his appetite is fine.

He has been at nursery all week so I’m guessing all the children will have caught the same bug!

But calpol only masks things. It doesn’t stop them being contagious.

It's really selfish imo. It's bot just the other children and the staff it's the knock on effect it has to their families too.

I would have given calpol and sent in. For school we're told to send them in, never keep them off rah rah what's the difference?

Plus my friends two have recently got hand foot and mouth. They don't go to nursery, and due to recent mobility issues for my friend they currently haven't been to any groups or activities beyond the supermarket. You catch it everywhere!

I thought it was only over 38 that is considered a fever? It sounds like he's just a bit grumpy with a cold and very slightly raised temperature. I would have done the same, at that age they'd be off every other week if you didn't send them in with a cold. If the temp had been over 38, I'd have kept him off.

My DS got hand foot and mouht, I think some children don't exhibit any symptoms (ie none of the spots) apart from slightly under the weather so it's very hard to contain.

YANBU. Some ridiculously ott responses here. I was in the exact same situation on Monday.

As for the hang wringing over supposedly spreading germs, DC caught the bug at nursery for heavens sake!

It's an impossible situation, please don't feel bad. You're not the first parent to do this and you won't be the last. I would have thought it's more normal to send the child in, in this situation, than not. If every child with a snotty nose had been kept at home then DC's nursery room would have been empty.

I have no mum friends in real life who would say YABU. Only in the world of MN!

Gosh I am so glad I never had these issues when my dcs were young. I was able to be a sahm as were the majority of mums at that time (nearly 30 years ago).

I went back to work when my dh had to take early ill health retirement so he was always at home when dcs were sick. We had no other family support.
I feel so sorry for parents nowadays trying to juggle dcs and 2 jobs particularly with sickness and holidays.

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I wouldn't have sent him with a temperature. But kids can pick stuff up anywhere not just nursery. My DD had HFM in the summer (which she subsequently passed on to DH - turns out it's really nasty in adults, she was fine though). She doesn't go to nursery, we'd not been to any playgroups, soft plays etc and the only children she'd been around for a fortnight beforehand hadn't got it and didn't go on to get it. I have literally no idea where it came from.

I'm surprised people arent more understanding on this thread
Possibly because my chemo induced immuno compromised child spent her last months in agony as the result of a parent thinking their schedule was more important than anyone else's.

Runny nose is one thing.
Runny nose, clingy and temperature is another.

Fingers crossed its just a cold

Impossible situation?

I must be some sort of superhuman then. Five kids. Worked since first one was 6 mths yet managed to not send them in sick.

I don't have nannies, au pairs or family support.
Lots of us do it.
FFS

It’s sad that working parents are still too scared to take time off when their dc are sick. I was in the same position, albeit not using nursery, 25years ago. Too afraid to call in to my NHS job to say that today I need to be caring for my own dc.

This child doesn’t sound especially unwell or especially contagious but he still shouldn’t have gone in. In an ideal world.

Op - I agree with @streetlife70s - you've had a hard time on here and it is difficult to make the call.

I always have sent mine in with colds and with a low temperature if they've been OK in themselves.
I also totally get the it's better to be called away from work and the absolute guilt you feel because if you could - of course you'd stay at home. But not all employers are understanding and it's getting that balance of managing the time you have off for when they really need it.
I would have been off work for the last 7 weeks if I didn't as it's just one thing after another - especially at that age. Mine were poorly with a 12 hour sickness bug the other week - off course I kept them off for 48 hours, but not with a cold.
Hope your DS is ok and gets over well soon.

YABU, but you know that.

Other children being sent ill doesn't then make it ok for you to do the same, because it just perpetuates the cycle.

I never send with a temp or sickness. A cold is often unavoidable bit a temperature suggests it's worse.

That’s nice TheFirst

Perhaps your employer was more understanding.

Maybe you’d have felt differently if you were afraid of losing that job and being homeless and on the bones of your arse.

Pretty sure OP didn’t bugger off to work because she fancied the latest pair of designer shoes.

I never send mine when poorly enough that they are clingy because it's just horrible for them, plus as others have said it's just not fair on the other kids. If everyone kept poorly kids home then there would be less horrible bugs spread.
I've dropped my ds at school this morning to be told by another mum that her kid keeps puking - but it's only because he has a cough? Ermmm how can you be sure? Surely the school should follow procedure and send that kid home just in case? Maddens me. Especially as this mother does not even work (I know this from talking to her).

You have my deepest sympathies MrsDV but it is an impossible situation. My family depends on my salary and I work for a small company that simply can't/won't tolerate much absence. It's not a question of thinking my work schedule is more important, it's holding on to my job.

Not just the staff. What about the other kids? Having had a child who underwent chemo for nearly a year,and would go to nursery when he had the strength in order to keep up some social interaction despite sometimes low blood counts,it’s attitudes where work comes first and foremost that would put his,and other people’s, health at risk. I sincerely hope the roles aren’t reversed and you have to see the other side of what impact selfish behaviour can have on others.

With a runny nose I absolutely would of sent the child as if we all stayed hom every time our nose was running we’d never get anything done. However with a temperature as well no I wouldn’t of sent him and I do think it’s selfish why do the other children and staff have to around your poorly child? Your his parents and it’s up you two to take care of your ill child not the nursery

My usually healthy son has been picking up things left right an centre because other parents do this.

I don't think it's the crime of the century, and it really is a tough call.

If you'd asked me two years ago when pfb DS was starting nursery aged 7 months and suddenly went from mostly healthy to ALWAYS SICK, I definitely would have said YABVVVVU! But in retrospect I would now think I was being dramatic and a bit precious - bugs are a fact of nursery and most are mild, although always worrying to a parent. It's not like you sent him in clearly very ill. As a pp says, being a working parent is full of unwinnable situations.