To send a sick toddler to nursery?

[user4321]

Im on my way to work feeling awful having just dropped my 18month old off at nursery. He is unwell in the sense he has a cold and runny nose and temp, is being more clingy and is more sensitive to tantrums than his usual self. It is more likely than not that the nursery will call one of us to collect him, but my DH has a meeting first thing (after that he is free and can leave work if required). With my employer, it looks better if I’m called away than to not show up in the first place. But I’m feeling guilty and thinking I shouldn’t have left him there in the first place, is it unfair on the staff?

TheFirstMrs what ‘measure’ would that be?

You said you weren’t homeless because everything you had went into the mortgage. OP has said she wouldn’t have enough to keep her home if she loses her job. So your situations were different.

Yes OP you made the wrong choice but I think people are being harsh when you could face being out on the street if you lose your job.

Absolutely.

I’m sat at home panicking counting the days until the incubation period is over and worrying/crying every day that my 3 week old is going to catch pox from my 3 year old thanks to this very mentality.

OhBollocks hope your 3 week old doesn't catch it 😱

So do I, I’m absolutely petrified, never been so worried.

thestreet that unless you are going to be made homeless its an easy choice to keep your kids off or have to walk away from a well paid job.
There are many steps between taking one/two days off to care for your child and losing your home.
So lets not pretend there isn't.

Most people umming and aahing over keeping a child off are not on the brink of homelessness. They don't want to deal with a crap boss, lose their position in the pecking order, have to make up hours or all the things working parents have to contend with.
I have sympathy but not so much that I would condone sending a sick child to nursery.

YBVU. It’s this kind of behaviour that has resulted in my 2 YO DD being in hospital this week with a temp of 39.8 & febrile convulsions. Me being off work for 3 days and me catching the same virus whilst 6 months pregnant. Thanks 👍🏼

Neither would I. I have repeatedly said she was BU. I just find the lack of empathy, aggressive tones and name calling unpalatable.

I’m not pretending anything. As PP said, as soon as you’ve had a few days off for sick kids already, as OP has said she has, you can get ‘edged out’ very quickly with bullshit explanations.

I don’t think recognising the difficulties working parents face and understanding that people make mistakes is condoning or accepting sending sick kids in to school. Life isn’t black and white.

ohbollocks if the UK vaccinated against chicken pox you wouldn't have this wait. I've had both mine vaccinated for this reason.

I'd check your own mentality before blaming others.

Having the chicken pox vaccination doesn't stop your child catching - and passing on - chicken pox

Nearlychristmas wow, massively overly harsh.

OP has already said she feels bad. There’s no need to twist the knife. And it’s not bad parenting, her child barely has a fever. Seriously, there is a lot of hand wringing and pearl clutching here for a temp under 38, i probably wouldn’t give it a second thought.

And to those of you claiming that attitudes like these are the reason why your child is/gets sick...you realise many viruses and things are contagious before symptoms even start, right? And that’s how most stuff gets spread in nurseries? My son had HFMD a few weeks back. He had a slight fever for a day on a Saturday, then he was totally fine until the spots started showing up on the Thursday. By which time he’d been infectious for almost a week. And he’d caught it off a child who, we later found out, was already off sick by the time my son came down with it. There is no way we could have prevented it, or known to keep him off to contain it.

Yes, there are obvious examples of times when a child definitely shouldn’t be at nursery. But I don’t think this is one of them- the OP is having an unnecessarily rough go of it on here. And has said more than once that the boy was basically fine by the time they got there.

So ease your grip on the judgy pants, Christmas. You’ll do yourself a mischief.

Why are people attributing all viruses that their children have caught - v high fevers, pox etc - to parents bringing sick children to nursery? A lot of viruses (esp pox) are contagious before any symptoms are present so would be almost impossible to avoid.

There is a difference between a slightly high temp and snots to full on illness and high fever.

cross post with Squtter!

I assume those folk anxious about kids going to nursery with colds, coughs and bugs never leave the house, engage infection control measures at all times and can trace x bug to y child?

Op I’m sorry but yes you’re BU.
I can absolutely sympathise with needing to be at work and I’m in the same boat. However. My little one has a heart condition and he’s been sick on and off since September due to nursery. If you’re sending your child in with something which could affect a child like mine you’re literally putting lives at risk. Apologies for being dramatic but it’s true.

I think people are over reacting a bit here.

It’s not like she sent the child in with sickness or diarrhoea. If a temperature isn’t dangerously high and can be controlled with paracetamol I think that’s ok.

Wtf are parents supposed to do, really?

Schools/nursery don’t want sick kids.

Employers don’t want staff being off work.

Not everyone has support from family or and endless pot of money to fund a nanny.

Until employers stop being so rigid and understand sometimes it can’t be helped parents will be pushed into these situations.

Think people are being a bit harsh. It’s very difficult when both parents have inflexible jobs. You shouldn’t really have sent him in however my Nursery would have been ok to accept in that situation. They would prob insist on calpol (which they are happy to administer themselves) and if temp persisted and the child was grumpy they would ask you to collect.

Normal cold fine. With a temperature too - nope. I’m surprised they let you leave him there if he’s got a temperature actually

Great, so now all the other children can endure a temperature and a cold, well done! Great parenting skills.

@GreenPurpleRed as a PP has said, the pox vaccine isn’t routinely offered over here.

Thanks for inferring it’s my fault if DS2 gets it though

There are many steps between taking one/two days off to care for your child and losing your home. So lets not pretend there isn't

Not necessarily at all. Take an industry that doesn't have much patience for people who need time off and have no qualms about managing people out. Take a dearth of savings (not unusual when you're paying expensive childcare). Take a city with high rents and high homelessness. Take a lack of family backup. All that together and it doesn't look good. We were probably in this position about a year ago. Now we have more savings as a safety net.

Once they get to school, you are expected to send them in unless it is D&V. Our school told us they could make the decision if they were too unwell to be there .......

Ohbollocks, My doctor told me that if very little ones catch chicken pox they usually get a very mild version. I had the same situation and miraculously my baby didn't get it. Though he may have had it so mildly we didn't really notice. Really hope your 3 week old is ok. xx

I wish people could see the other side of the coin too. The one where mums (it’s always the mums) get called into the office and berated over time off while they struggle with bills and are terrified of being made homeless with young children to support.

In our school, if we need to speak to parents about low attendance, a letter is sent out by the head and is addressed to both parents, unless they are separated, in which case the resident parent gets the letter. Office staff don’t get involved in monitoring attendance.

Our intervention is supportive so if anyone is struggling with debt or housing issues, we can signpost them to support for those issues. I realise not every school has someone whose job it is to do that though.

suburban I think that quote refers to being called into the office in work rather than school.

ohbollocks I know it's not offered free which is why I said get them vaccinated yourself.

My niece got CP at 2 very badly before CP vaccination was available. I got my dd1 done at 3 when I was pregnant with dd2.

There are somethings you can do other than blame others.