To send a sick toddler to nursery?

[user4321]

Im on my way to work feeling awful having just dropped my 18month old off at nursery. He is unwell in the sense he has a cold and runny nose and temp, is being more clingy and is more sensitive to tantrums than his usual self. It is more likely than not that the nursery will call one of us to collect him, but my DH has a meeting first thing (after that he is free and can leave work if required). With my employer, it looks better if I’m called away than to not show up in the first place. But I’m feeling guilty and thinking I shouldn’t have left him there in the first place, is it unfair on the staff?

With a cold and a barely a fever I think you were ok sending him in. You can't keep kids home with colds. There is a lot of over reacting on this thread

@Rainbowandraindrops67 - FGS pregnant mums cannot avoid colds....

We’re not talking colds - we’re talking fifth disease (slapped cheek), chicken pox, adenoviruses, cocksakie viruses, rsv, d and v

m.kidshealth.org/en/parents/coxsackie.html?WT.ac=

Great if your kid is the kid who just has cold like symptoms - not so great if your kid is the one getting meningitis

You wouldn’t think it was overreacting if it had happened to your child

But my DS’s main symptom was a runny nose and he was happy on the way to nursery and when we dropped him - that’s probably the most reassuring sign that it is 99% likely to be ‘just a cold’, especially as his symptoms were improving and the temp was mild and then an hour later normal with no calpol

How would you feel if someone deliberately and for a few hours convenience came in with the same symptoms as your DC.

With the same symptoms as my DC - I personally wouldn’t feel they were doing my anything wrong, obviously which is why I did it, and as I’ve said throughout, I no longer feel bad about my decision as I’m confident it was the right call.

@Rainbowandraindrops67 but OP's DS didn't have any of these things! He had a runny nose!

@user4321 - the irony is, when your DS gets to school you'll be encouraged to send him in with colds etc as schools want maximum attendance.

I sympathise OP , most working parents can visualise this situation.
I agree that it is an employer/ employee issue.
We need to prioritise children and parents of children better in this country( uk). It isn't really alright to send a small child into a.nursery or school situation with a temperature or feeling unwell either for their benefit or that of their peers and caters. We all know that. Parents should be able to phone work in this situation in the same way that they do if they themselves are ill.

Oh FGS. I'm 8 months pregnant and have a 22 month old who has chickenpox. He caught it at crèche. He's been off since the spots came through. I've never had chickenpox, so I did the sensible thing and got vaccinated before I got pregnant. I didn't expect the rest of the world to disrupt their lives in order to avoid potentially passing it on to me. Germs are a fact of life and if you are unfortunately unlucky enough to be immunocompromised in some way, then it is your responsibility to take precautions in order to minimise the risk.

As a mom of a child with a low immune system it makes me so mad that parents do this. If the shoe was on the other foot and your child was hospitalised due to this, you would be thinking twice about it.

I do understand that it's hard to juggle work etc but health comes first IMO and the temp is a clear indication that your child should not be in nursery and exposing any other children to what they have.
You're not the first and you won't be the last. Even my other mom friends send their kids in with all sorts knowing the consequences for my son. Sadly people don't care about that so we just have to deal with whatever he catches and hope he gets through it.
Hope they feel better soon.

Pearl clutchers ahoy!!!

It's a cold people. Let's keep it relevant to the Op instead of the doomsday what if scenarios .

Op, most have us have done it. And most of us who work understand the pressure that you're under.

Oh and I seriously hope that all the holier than thou types on have given their children the full suite of vaccinations before preaching to other parents about taking a kid to crèche with a cold. As an immunocompromised person often can't receive some/all vaccinations and rely on herd immunity to stay healthy. Not vaccinating your children is far more selfish and inconsiderate than sending a child in with a sniffle/slightly raised temperature.

@Bargainqueen - yes the health of your family comes first; to YOU. But not to the rest of the world and not when they themselves will suffer negative consequences of prioritising a stranger. Most people take sensible precautions and wouldn't send their child to nursery when obviously very unwell (for their own and everyone else's sakes), but small kids are constantly picking up low level infections that result in mild temperatures and runny noses.

Parents cannot constantly be taking time off work for these (especially if their own child is behaving normally) on the off-chance there is an immunocompromised kid in the class that might catch it. And certainly not if it puts their paid employment in jeopardy. In such a case, my livelihood would come before the potential threat to a stranger.

I think nursery rules should be adhered to, but no way am I keeping a child at home with a cold. My workplace can't/won't tolerate a lot of absence. And no-ones going to be there to pick up my mortgage if I lose my job, are they?

And the award for mum of the year goes to.....

How inconsiderate to send your little one in when obviously sick.

You clearly have no idea what it's like having a child with reduced immunity: it's so nice that you don't give a shit that your actions could result in a hospital stay or even death for my child just because you have to go to work. That's not an overaction: that's daily life with a child with a chronic immuno deficiency disease. As I said before, not talking about colds and coughs but when you know your child isn't right, has a temperature or seems ok but threw up less than 48 hours ago please don't be selfish.

I don’t think anyone on this thread has said ‘yes I’ll send my kid to nursery with D&V and flu and croup and all sorts because I just don’t care’ we are saying as working people you cannot keep them off for every runny nose.

There will be some form of cold going around your work/school/nursery at all times during the winter months. What can you do about it? A swine flu mask and a bubble wrap coat?

As I say I feel sorry for kids that have compromised immune systems but to expect them to never come into contact with a child with a cold is not realistic Especially if you make the decision to send them to nursery.

You made a call as a mother OP, the same call I would have made and anyone I know IRL would’ve made. Don’t listen to the judgey pants parents. I’m glad your son is ok and if he’s anything like my DD he probably would’ve been more annoyed at missing a day of nursery with his friends than he would be having to blow his nose more than normal while there!

Trust your instincts, there will always be perfect parents trying to put You down.

Catsarenice
Of course there is a basic level of social responsibility, such as vaccinating your child, not sending a child with a known disease into nursery, not to mention paying taxes that disproportionately finance healthcare for children with illnesses etc. OP's child has a cold, I wouldn't mind if my child is in the same nursery with a child like that because it's not a big deal. If your child has a lower than average immune system, then it's your parental responsibility to cater to that special need, not the entire society's responsibility.

OP herself named the title 'Aibu to send a sick toddler to nursery'. She knew he was sick. If she genuinely thought he was ok she would have put something like 'Aibu to send my toddler to nursery with a cold'.

Of course I have to do things a bit differently because of my child's disability but this can be severely compromised by others' selfish actions.

Many times you said you don’t have family nearby. Mine went to Nursery too ( he’s now 24) full time from the age of 9 months. We had no family nearby. If you choose to both work full time, with children, you should have to take the consequences and not put your work first, which is what you’ve done here I’m afraid.

I had to send my dc to her childminder unwell yesterday. I knew she was a bit peaky but honestly my employer just doesn't allow me the time off each time she is unwell. She recently had chickenpox so I had to take a week off, I've used all my annual leave on various bugs/illnesses she's had throughout the year, and she has asthma so really struggles throughout the winter period. I agree with a previous poster who said employers are the issue, I felt incredibly guilty yesterday & told the childminder to call me if there was any problems at all, resulting in me having to collect her at lunchtime, and getting grief from my work about it. I think the people giving the OP such a hard time need to realise nobody does this because they dont want to be at home with their ill children its something we feel pressured into & instead of telling her what an awful person she is be grateful you aren't in our position. Hope your wee one is better soon OP.

I think there are a lot of posters on here who don't take a mother's role as major provider seriously.

So they don't get the impossible situation the OP is put in, because they're either SAHMs or working parents whose partner essentially covers family costs. So losing their job isn't an issue. Or, they have lovely understanding employers who dont penalise staff for 25 extra days off a year.

Some people are in the position where a) the household actually relies on their income and b) their employers won't tolerate much absence. They really are caught between a rock and a hard place and the lack of understanding of that on here is disheartening.

I appreciate how hard it is as a working mother, I have no annual leave left and dread my children getting I'll. But I would take time off if I knew they were poorly as I couldn't justify spreading the germs.
My child caught impetigo from nursery and ended up being hospitalised and treated by the plastic surgeons and burns team because they had it so badly.

@DeltaG
Your attitude tells me that you see immune compromised children as an annoyance to your life. My child has been appropriately vaccinated. There are many ways a child can be immuno compromised so that statement is tosh about vaccines for my situation
I'll keep caring about ME and you concentrate on yourself. I'm entitled to comment. It wasn't directed at the OP. I wished her child well. Please don't tag me in anymore of your opinions.