To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

This post sums up everything that's wrong about Christmas in our society. Op you're clearly adamant that he is the unreasonable one despite most people telling you otherwise, so I'm not really sure why you posted.

could there be a compromise? I have religious bits of my family, and when we’re with them at Xmas we go to an earlier service as a whole family. The kids get new pyjamas and hot choc when they get home. It’s lovely.

It's not the time frame. It's the same service. The day mass is for those who couldn't attend at midnight.

Yes, and perhaps he feels he gets spiritual benefit from attending twice? I'm afraid my answer isn't going to change on that front.

He should ask himself if he really gets spiritual benefit or if it works as a cop out from his family.

I've said repeatedly I think he's a lazy arse and this should be addressed. So not sure who this comment is aimed at.

Our children have never had bows on their presents and they seem quite happy about it. Neither I nor Santa have ever had any complaints.

But if bows matter so much to you, wrap the week before ( with your DH of course ) and add the bows when you put then under the tree.

Usually everyone is a bit tipsy and it is quick. Mass on Christmas Day is also relatively quick

IME they tend to be looooong, although not as long as Easter. It will depend on the priest/minister/pastor.

I find it almost impossible to believe you cannot wrap presents before this time - I have never heard of anyone intentionally leaving their present wrapping until then. But each to their own.

But it sounds like it is no longer working for both of you. Is this a joint decision or something you are enforcing or expecting him to go along with. May be he is going to midnight mass to get out of this? I certainly would.

Wrapping presents at this time seems far more bizarre and unreasonable than wanting to go to midnight mass - and I'm an atheist.

Is it not unusual to have a service Christmas day too?

DMs church always had communion Christmas morning.

ExDHs church never had a Christmas day service because their midnight mass was classed as one.

It’s not xmas, it’s Christmas.
If you wish to celebrate Christ being born which you obviously do by exchanging presents then I think it’s very unreasonable to expect the only person who clearly knows the true meaning of Christmas should enter into the material world of wrapping presents.
Christmas isn’t about how pretty the bow on the present is.

Basecamp I do but that's because I'm a lazy arse procrastinator.

Interesting - if it were me in this position, I'd find the dh going to MM preferable to his going on Christmas Day. Because if dc don't want to go, going to church on C Day can take nearly 2 hrs out of that day when he's away from family and dc. MM most of the family is asleep for, so dc don't miss the dh.

I think for some MM is more 'important' than the C day service - round here it's much higher numbers at MM. Obviously I realise he's planning to go to both in this case!

Op, can you both wrap the presents a couple of days earlier in your bedroom (presumably your house isn't that open plan!)? Then use your bedroom as the warehouse for a couple of days.

YABU
wrap ghe presents earlier and he can go to midnight mass.

I'd be annoyed if DH told me not to go for midnighy mass because it's not fair that we left the presents to the last minute. Christmas is a religious festival and goibg to church would beat wrapping gifts for me.

YABU.

Midnight Mass is around an hour. Not the end of the world.

Presents can be wrapped at any time, if fancy bows are important to you they can be added at the last minute.

How old are your DC? We didn't take ours to midnight mass until they were around 10/11, but once they were old enough to go they enjoyed it. My 15yo is doing one of the readings this year and is quite proud to have been asked.

I get that you don't believe, but your DH does and it is unreasonable to expect him not to celebrate the second most important Christian festival of the year in Church.

I'd hate it too OP.. but it sounds part of a wider issue - your beliefs and priorities are very different... as other PPs have said, if all other areas were equal, this would probably be tolerable.

If you wish to celebrate Christ being born which you obviously do by exchanging presents then I think it’s very unreasonable to expect the only person who clearly knows the true meaning of Christmas should enter into the material world of wrapping presents.

Oh purlease. Does this mean that OP's husband doesn't want to enter into the "material world" of receiving gifts or eating Christmas dinner?

Because nothing the OP has said suggests that her husband doesn't join in the actual festivities and prefers to sit in a corner on Christmas Day garbed in sackcloth and ashes whilst chanting from Luke 2:1-20.

If you wish to celebrate Christ being born which you obviously do by exchanging presents then I think it’s very unreasonable to expect the only person who clearly knows the true meaning of Christmas should enter into the material world of wrapping presents.

Actually the gift exchanging came from the Yuletide festival, and was traditionally done on New Years Day. It just became about the wise men bringing gifts once it was renamed Christmas and done on Christmas day instead.

YABU, why wouldn't he want to go to mass at Christmas? The midnight mass is very special and I can understand him not wishing to miss it.

YABVU
All your responses are very weak. And if he's only going at 11pm, having spent all day with you, and the children are asleep..... and doing all the wrapping at the last minute? more fool you! What time do you go to bed at? You y want him there, till when? Why? Most normal people would be going to bed at 11pm anyway.

I don't go to church that much. But I really like christingle. and Christmas Eve mass. Your wish to deny him this, staggers me.

Wrap your presents before Xmas Eve together. This is one hour in the year, and also the only service that a lot of people go to.

Jesus is the reason for the season. it's not U to want to spend an hour at church on Xmas day either. He has the rest of the day to help and spend with the kids and you. I tmight also be good for the dc to learn there's more to Xmas than presents and the superficial stuff.

People are allowed to grow and change through life, you know.
YABVVVVVU.

YABU- I don’t agree with anything you have said

I love the irony of wanting him to miss midnight mass because its Cristmas lol.

I don't get this not being able to wrap presents because you can't hide them. Surely you hide them unwrapped? It's such a drag that I wrap mine as I buy them then hide them. A wrapped or unwrapped present hudes the same yes? 💁🏾

objecting to its original meaning.

violethaze- christmas is not all about the christian meaning. Some may want to celebrate their god, but christmas was a midwinter pagan festival long before christianity- and continues to be a secular one for most.
The christian church banned christmas celebrations in the 16th and 17th century in England for being Pagan- in some parts of the UK was actually illegal for up to 300 years, only becoming a public holiday in Scotland in 1958.

"I think it's a real shame that with DH active in the church you're not also feeling welcomed there."

I feel perfectly welcomed in the churches people I know go to. I just don't want to join in the services. What with me not being a Christian.

OP. 1)Wrap on the 23rd. 2) Start a new tradition where you take the children out on Christmas Eve for a while and he wraps then. 3) Get him to do another big Christmas task and you wrap together on Christmas Eve and you finish while he goes to Mass. There are plenty of ways round the problem. But you can't stop him going to Church.

I'm baffled that anybody would leave wrapping presents to Christmas Eve. Wrapping presents takes flipping ages and most families buy more than one present per child. You must be up all night if you leave it all to Christmas Eve. If I was your husband I would go to midnight mass just to avoid the chaos of wrapping presents on Christmas Eve and I'm only mildly religious.

Midnight mass can't happen any time except Christmas Eve.
Present wrapping can happen anytime on any day.
Kids don't care about immaculately wrapped presents with bows. Just wrap the stuff and stash back away.

salad Jesus is the reason for the season.

No, jesus may be important to some, but not for many of us.

It's naiive to think christians invented christmas.
Yuletide - complete with gifts, trees, mistletoe, feasting, stockings reindeer has been a widespread festival long before christianity.

I am an atheist, but I think yabu. Sorry.

For Christians, Christmas is all about the celebration of Christ's birth. Of course your DH will want to spend time in church, and it isn't reasonable for you to ask him to miss out on this. This is about basic respect for his beliefs. Wrap the presents another day.