To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

fern, did you post before p21? Your first post on this page was inoffensive (although I'll point out you said you hoped I'd 'let him go'- no mention of letting him go with my blessing ). Your second post stated
Faith should be respected. This is not just like any other hobby. I still don't see how it impinges on the OP either. It's 11pm for an hour. At Christmas. It sounds to me like she's trying to control him for the sake of it. If a man were doing this we'd be rightly horrified.
I'll pray for her to soften her heart and let him celebrate Christmas for one hour.

Despite the fact that I had not described it as a hobby (fair enough, this may have been directed at someone else), and the celebrations he will attend are not just this one hour. And I had stated all of that, plus the fact I wasn't going to ask, and he was going on xmas Day also, many pages prior to that.

Your third post
Makes no difference. You sound aggressive towards me
Directed at me or another?

Your fourth
I stand by what I wrote. I've read pages and pages I'm not sure why you asked your initial question.

Okay, ban your partner from the service. Stay up wrapping presents til midnight.

I just don't agree. You're being controlling. I hope you relent.

Again, I had already 'relented' a good while back.

So, with all due respect, I don't see any reason to try and explain anything you don't understand now, as you were offensive and dismissive in many subsequent posts when I clearly explained the original issue. There is no reason to believe you won't do the same again and there is no reason to deliberately open myself up to that again.

Third post and hobby reference were talking to other posters.
I was wrong to use the word ban and I apologise.

I genuinely haven't seen you change your mind. I've re-read all your posts and you don't want him to go and are not happy about him wanting to, which is exactly what you were saying in the beginning. I do see that you changed your mind about wrapping presents late night though.

bekabeech thx for your input and non judgmental opinion . The thread has moved on a great deal since the op. Dh likes to be involved in services where possible, so over the years since DC were small I have been enabling this by being at home while he attended Bible study, band practice and choir practice. I would also sit with DC in the pews if he was speaking, I think because it was more his interest than mine he concentrated on the service when we all sat together and by default I would keep DC quiet. He did take them to Sunday school but they found this boring in the later years, although we both encouraged them to give it a go for a long while. They are old enough to make their own decision about this, which he agrees with, I think.
He has settled in and enjoys his involvement in his current church so doesn't want to leave for a more child friendly church.
I will point out that he is not doing a reading at mm or anything, before someone jumps in accusing me of drip feeding!

After reading all of that I can now understand why the OP's DH wants to go out for a couple of hours peace and quiet. I couldn't live in a house with someone who is so hostile.

I know right. I got called an idiot and other personal stuff as I didn't agree.

I genuinely haven't seen you change your mind. I've re-read all your posts
With all due respect, I do not have to change my mind about wanting him to stay at home once in ten years (not including the times pre DC when we went together). Are you saying Iabu in expressing a different opinion to him? And did you also miss the numerous posts in which I categorically stated iwbu in asking him to stay home? That is completely different from still preferring him to stay home.

After reading all of that I can now understand why the OP's DH wants to go out for a couple of hours peace and quiet. I couldn't live in a house with someone who is so hostile.
Hilarious. You'll note I wasn't hostile in the slightest until certain posters kept on aggressively posting how unreasonable I was being, despite not being up to date, ignoring facts, then further calling me controlling. WAY before I said anything hostile . Guess I should just 'turn the other cheek', eh? Unbelievable.

I got called an idiot and other personal stuff as I didn't agree.

Nope, that was because you were insisting on certain facts which had been stated otherwise a number of times, but you just wouldn't believe it... And still haven't, as you cannot counter my refuting your later comments in which you try to backtrack, yet pp prove you wrong..

And it was clearly stated as such, so don't say you were called an idiot because you disagreed.

Well I genuinely don't understand what has changed since your OP.
Of course you can have a different opinion from your husband but I just don't see why that service is such a problem.

Genuinely one of the worst threads on here atm. For so many reasons.

Bloody hell, JellBeanQueen you could argue a glass eye to sleep.
Exhausting!
Amazed you have so much time to argue, with all you have to do and no help from your Dh.
I think that your original question has been answered and now you are just arguing with anyone about anything.
It's hard to even see what the ghist of it all is at this point but, you are showing people how argumentative you are.

No bloody wonder HE buggers off to Church!

I genuinely don't want to keep arguing and I hope all goes well. Sorry I said my piece.

Agreed *itsonkyme. Exhausting thread going round in circles.

fernmy op asked if I was unreasonable to not want dh to go to mm for various reasons. It's not changed in that I would still have liked him to stay. It has changed in that I'm not going to ask, he'll be going to both. Wouldn't we all agree that sometimes ppl want different things for different reasons? I don't see how it makes me unreasonable to have a different opinion, I do see how it is unreasonable to expect someone to change their behaviour because of my opinion. I don't know how else I can explain it. It's fine that you said your piece, you just weren't taking on board that you were judging me on outdated facts. Have a good Christmas.

looby itsonky, yes, it is exhausting and circular when updates are not acknowledged.

Don't read if it's that bad, greatstar, no one's forcing you

Nobody forcing you either pet to continue to argue, and argue, and argue and argue ...

No, but you know what it's like when someone is telling you you're doing one thing when you know you're not... I generally don't like to argue, but I genuinely did start off trying to point out what ppl had missed... V frustrating to repeatedly be called controlling when you're not actually doing (or even planning on) anything and have repeatedly stated that.
Not arguing with you gs

Ach I know its frustrating and easy to get roped into trying to defend yourself. But sure its pointless and youve made your decision about your situation so I hope you enjoy the rest of your day without the angst of MN debates in your head!

... And then you feel like an idiot for arguing with a bunch of strangers
Thx for the and kind words gs. Hope you have a good day too.

I've not read the whole thread, just your updates OP.

You're not married to a Christian, you're married to a religious hypocrite. In your place I'd be tempted to give him nothing but a plaque of the Ten Commandments for Christmas, colour coded to show which ones he's breaking.

You won't get your cosy Christmas eve with a glass of wine and a loving husband/father; not because he's going to mass, but because he's not that man.

So the question is: what will you do about it?

Jellybean - I know it’s frustrating and upsetting when people are horrible on here and the temptation is to keep coming back with replies isn’t it.

Surely religion is very personal and not a box ticking exercise?

Depends.

If you want to get your kids into an over-subscribed outstanding faith school for example, church attendance is very much a box-ticking exercise.