To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

YABU, just do your wrapping earlier!

He's not leaving until late so he still gets the evening with you. With children who believe in Santa aren't they going to be in bed by the time he's at church anyway?

Wrapping so late is a recipe for disaster, if you get ill what would happen? DH and I have both fallen ill so close to Christmas but we wrap early December so it was ok. If you have room to hide presents then a layer of wrap won't many difference.

Butchy I was replying to you saying he will be partaking in receiving gifts etc. I didn’t say that was a problem.

Yes, which was in response to a post saying he shouldn't have to partake in the "material" aspect of present wrapping.

I'm saying that he bloody well should if he expects to receive (wrapped) presents and partake in the festivities himself.

I think it boils down to a lack of understanding into the commitment that goes with being a Christian. You can’t pick and chose which important dates you want to partake in. You have an obligation. That’s why these dates are called holidays of obligation. (I’m catholic and that’s what they are called in my faith)

You REALLY haven't read this thread, otherwise you wouldn't be trying to Godsplain Christianity/Catholicism to me.

I have to say, your DH sounds pretty moderate as a Xtian. My DH's family are Orthodox Jewish. They observe Shabbat hard core every week (no light switches etc) and then shul to daven on Saturday. And their festivals seem to last a week (shitty secular Jew who never knew this here!).

You definitely could have it worse than losing him after the kids are in bed. He could take them on Xmas morning and give you your break then. That sounds reasonable.

I would ask him to compromise. As others have pointed out he doesn't need to go,to both services. A lot of people like going to midnight mass purely because then they don't have to go again on Xmas day.

With regard to present wrapping- sounds like you might need better quality paper. Wrap as much as you can beforehand. I appreciate you might not be able to do all of it before. Especially any large or awkward gifts. I tend to wrap and store in suitcases. Keeps them hidden and safe from being damaged.

Your DH picks which service he goes to. If he picks midnight mass he makes sure he has done all he can so that you can relax in front of the TV with a Baileys and a few gifts to wrap but the bulk is done. But then he doesn't go on Xmas day also.

I think YANBU- Xmas is not a wholly Christian festival, he wasn't a church goer when you married, and Xmas eve is obviously traditionally your wrapping time.

However, if he is generally a decent chap, you need to talk and compromise. I would suggest picking a lovely evening to wrap (maybe 22nd or 23rd) and then put the presents under the tree- the children will be aware at their ages that family and friends buy each other stuff, so just save a stocking and one present if you like to be from Santa.

Also you need to chat about how he has pushed you out of the church going. I suggest you find a different hobby for yourself, join a different church, or send the children with him every Sunday. Don't fester in silence, resentment will Kill your feelings for him.

YANBU.

got shunted out when dc were born and he assumes its his right to go while i stay at home with the kids. The reason i found it boring last time is because he can concentrate on the event while im keeping kids quiet.

I had this and it's bloody annoying. Had words with dh and he is much better at splitting the child management with me now.

Why can't you hide the wrapped presents exactly where the unwrapped presents are hidden now? As a couple of posters have said, just leave the bows off, if it makes storing them difficult.

I think as his wife, you can ask him if he could stay home and spend Christmas eve together. However, if he declines, then try not to take it personally. If you were the religious one, wouldn't you want him to respect your beliefs, even if he didn't share them?

The irony of this thread is that if there wasn't a religious celebration at this time of year, the OP wouldn't be wrapping presents in the first place.

Nope. Gift giving was just one of the bits of Yule that the Christians stole for their festival. Yule had been going on for centuries before that.

YABU, for him this is the essence of Christmas, for you he is gone for an hour and a half or so.

Wrapping presents is hardly as important. You should be more supportive.

Yabu expecting him to miss mass; it is Christmas! But he really needs to get his finger out and help with the present buying etc

If you get up at 8am on Christmas Eve, you can have 15 hours of family time before he leaves. Is that not sufficient?

DH usually works Christmas. Last year he was in the Middle East on a 6 month deployment. 15hrs on Christmas Eve sounds plenty to me.

Yabu to expect him not to go to midnight mass. The presents can be done another time and you should still have plenty of family time to enjoy together.

If, as you imply, there are other areas where your DH doesn’t pull his weight in family life then I strongly suggest you address your requests for change to one of them instead.

The responses you’ve got to this thread are indicative that if you start with “it’s inconvenient for me that you celebrate a major religious festival on that day of that religious festival” then you will have lost the moral high ground the moment you open your mouth and it will screw your debating position for everything else.

YAB totally U - to want to 'prevent' someone from celebrating the true meaning of Christmas so that you can have company and help putting out reindeer food .

You need to seriously get a grip, wrap the gifts another evening, forget about reindeer food and either have an early night or just enjoy a peaceful evening on your own; if your DH isn't going out until 11pm surely you can have a lovely 'family evening' before he goes out - do the children really stay up until 11pm? My DH isn't a great church goer but in 30 years of marriage has never suggested I skip a service and would frequently join me,

And Mindnight Mass and morning service are quite different which is why many people choose to go to both services.

Looks like I need to point out the sarcasm in my post to you.

My sincere apologies Diana

I must have had a sense of humour bypass - I totally missed the tone of your post.

In my defence I will say that I have hardly slept for three nights due to an incontinent dog (I'm up and down like a whore's drawers at the moment). I was briefly online while waiting for her to do whatever she needed to and I was knackered!

Pax xxx

YABVU.

Father Christmas definitely doesn’t tie bows on anything that comes to our house!

Wrap a day early, lock gifts in boot of car or in bin bags wherever you hide them pre-wrapping, wave him off to mass and sit back and enjoy the glass(Es) of port left out for Santa.

After Christmas talk to him about a greater share of family and household responsibilities. He can make some new year resolutions.

Personally, I'd wrap earlier and ask him to only go to Midnight Mass and spend the day as a family.

So would I Lweji.

Succinctly put. Dragging his children to church won't convert them - they will regard Jesus as the man who stole their dad, not the man who saved the world

How are you missing out on an evening with him and the DC when he leaves at 11pm???? Unless they are teenagers, in which case this whole thread is pointless, then they should surely be in bed and asleep by then??

Wrap presents in advance and keep in the boot of the car covered with a blanket? Or do you not have a lot or garage? Or under your bed or in your wardrobes?

I think it's totally baffling that you don't want him to go to church at Christmas!!!

*loft

Go with him? He’d probably like that. Then you’d be together! Get a babysitter.

If you had asked if you WBU if DH spent Christmas eve in the pub until after midnight and then headed out drinking again on Christmas morning for two hours with his mates then I would have agreed.

However, even as a lapsed Christian, I see how important that the Christmas services are.

Two comprises are possible :
He just goes to one of the masses
Wrap the gifts earlier.

In my opinion, YABU and YANBU.

YABU in not wanting him to go to one of Midnight Mass / Christmas Day Mass. Given that he is a Christian, if he wants to go to Mass then he should. However, he needs to pick one. Not both. You have young DC and plenty to do, he can’t just swan off while you get stuck bearing the brunt of the workload. If you don’t want to attend, don’t. Tell him if he wants to bring the DC, he can bring them by himself. Perhaps then he’ll realise how shit it is for you spending the whole service trying to keep the DC quiet.

So in summary, he gets to pick one - either Christmas Day or Midnight Mass. If he picks Christmas Day and you don’t want to go, he can bring the DC.

Also, I don’t understand why you can’t wrap earlier than Christmas Eve .. you surely don’t buy presents on Christmas Eve? So then you must have hidden them somewhere anyway? Can’t you just wrap them as soon as you buy them and then hide them as you would have done prior to wrapping??

You have him for virtually the whole of Christmas Eve, mass is very late.
You are being incredibly unreasonable to ask him not to go, your children will be in bed already.
Get him to pull his weight more generally but don’t ask him not to go.
You clearly don’t like the replies and are maintaining your position though...