To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

Wrap them earlier, who leaves wrapping till Xmas eve????
Yabu massively ur

I am a religion hater! But I offered several practical ways that the presents could be wrapped and the dp go to midnight mass. And that after Christmas the OP and her husband should sit down and discuss their issues. Which are obviously not about present wrapping and church attendence.

misseliza have you actually rtft or are you being sarcastic with your 'shopping festival'? Haha. Good one.

And still someone will post that iabu because im not letting him go. Which is not the case. He's going both days

From page 11.

Cancel the cheque OP!

I'm confused, what am I wrong about? I gave my opinion. Are you saying now you don't mind him going? Or is it the wrapping of presents?

betrand I counted your helpful suggestions in the 'Mumsnet (of faith and none)' section.
That's my point. There's been a lot of people saying that he should go to midnight mass and they should sort presents some other time. Just the OP wasn't happy with endless reasonable suggestions so she just kept saying I ANBU repeatedly until someone agrees with her and now has the validation she was after to continue being very unreasonable.

bertrand thank you, you did. And I took them on board. Which I believe you noticed in updates somewhere? Thx for rtft.

If you are now kindly relenting and letting him have his church service that's wonderful.
That certainly wasn't the case when I posted originally and got roasted.

I would say prayers have been answered but you'll skewer me!

I'm confused, what am I wrong about? I gave my opinion. Are you saying now you don't mind him going? Or is it the wrapping of presents?
Having an opinion is fine, but not if you are using incorrect facts to judge me a number of times, despite the fact I have helpfully pointed out to you the progression of my opinion, and you continue to ignore it.
I'm not saying it now, I said it many, many pages ago. As I told you earlier, when you started posting.

@Jellybellyqueen it’s hard I kind of do get it my DH and I are different faiths. His faith is Christianity and it’s a the dominant faith of course in this country. Therefore I struggle as we don’t live near any of my worship centres to easily expose the DC.

I decided that I would like the children to have a faith and believe in God. So we try our best with both faiths but generally Christianity (also due to language) trumps.

Anyway possibly nothing to do with what your saying but on a different level I struggle because I guess it’s not my faith - but DH will go with DFIL at Xmas and I’ll probably ask him to take kids to Chrisdingle. I may go too. Ultimately it’s about love and compassion. Respect and understanding. Plus similarly my DH won’t sort any presents but he’ll do the decoration in the house.

You’re doing the right thing by recognising YABU. But I totally get it!

she just kept saying I ANBU repeatedly until someone agrees with her and now has the validation she was after to continue being very unreasonable
So how is me saying iwbu (many pages ago) a case of me continuing to be unreasonable maisy? I'm starting to get genuinely concerned for your mental faculties here.

I first posted yesterday and was criticised and came back to answer.

As a child who spent most of their childhood inside a church or some meeting or another YNBU. But despite the fact it's originally pagan anyway it's a big celebration for christians and i think you need to compromise here.

Presumably he's with you for the rest of the day so an hour out when the DCs are asleep isn't him asking too much, from my experience the Christmas day ones are relatively short too (my DM is a devout christian - has been for years and we were there every Sunday morning and evening etc during our childhood years - ExDH is Catholic and he always went to mass when we was together and still goes now.

Let him go.

My own post from page 3 ferntwist where I told the OP to let him go. But yeah let's ignore all of that and several other posters who also told OP she was BU and deliberately misconstrue a post because Isis was mentioned.

fern I've seen where you're coming from on this thread, but donfeel a little like going down the prayer angle at this point in the thread is a bit like poking a bear.

I'm glad the OP decided to 'let' her DH go to church (although I would find it very odd if my DH ever spoke of 'letting' me go anywhere). It's still quite clear she's not happy about it so whatever other issues there are in the relationships they probably needs resolving after Christmas.

If you are now kindly relenting and letting him have his church service that's wonderful.
That certainly wasn't the case when I posted originally and got roasted.
ERM, yes it was, actually. And I thank you for your constant use of patronizing expression throughout the majority of your posts. Most kind.

I'd say prayers had been answered but you'll skewer me

Depends ferntwist Did you start praying 23 pages back?

The OP was never going to stop him from going. Just asking if she was being unreasonable in feeling how she did. She wasn't and isn't.

Why is this so hard to comprehend?

I'm glad the OP decided to 'let' her DH go to church
Just pointing out that I never used the term 'let him got. Before you wrongly ascribe the use of this patronizing language to me. Who was it who first said it?

Depends ferntwist Did you start praying 23 pages back?
Nah jon, she hadn't even read 23 pages back...

I have read the full thread! You started saying you were asking him not to go. Then later that he was going but you didn't want him to. I said let him go with your blessing.

Can I ask two questions, genuine ones. You say a couple of times that you can't have the cosy evening you were hoping for together, but why not, when the service starts so late? I'm not being disingenuous I just don't get it.

Also you say he has lied to you about sex. That's terrible. Could it be that this is the issue rather than the midnight service?

mose

An 11pm service does not stop the other 23 hours of Christmas Eve being family time.

This entire thread makes me wonder how DH and I have managed to function for years with one us being Christian and the other not (and both have hobbies away from each other too!) 😄

Op if you ever find this amongst the rest.

Yes objecting to Midnight mass is being unreasonable.

BUT why not carve out more time by suggesting instead of Christmas Day he takes the DC to a “crib service” on Christmas Eve (by himself). So he gives you some peace to wrap some presents earlier. It will also give him experience of trying to entertain the children in Church.
It is highly unusual in my experience for only the Mother to be caring for the DC in Church, and to be honest he should be wanting to take them to Church far more often. And hopefully giving you a break, and later a chance to attend and take part yourself if you want.
He does sound a bit selfish. Even my DH who as an Organist was often otherwise occupied, took part of the responsibility for our DC in Church. And if it is the Church itself that is the issue maybe it will encourage him to find a more child friendly one.