To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

Categoric You have a similar set up to me and agnostic DH. I attend church. He doesn't. He comes with me for major festivals. We both know I have church and my hobbies and he has his. We plan our time around these commitments.

Wrapping presents doesn't have to be done on Christmas eve. The OP seems to feel hard done to when something as simple as wrapping presents some time othet than 11pm on 24th December could mean both do their bit and he goes ti midnight mass.

JacquesHammer
If he's not pulling his weight (which it sounds like he isn't) then that is the issue, not religious observance, not hobbies.
Many peoplr manage to have hobbies and go to church and pull their weight. It's only on MN where I see people get so funny about anyone getting wound up by hobbies/church. It's not a church/hobby issue. It is a DP/DH issue.

Wrapped presents take up more room though. They can't be packed tightly into boxes and hidden so easily if op is very short on space. Has op found a way round that as I've not read the whole thread?

Wrapped presents take up more room though
Really? How thick is your wrapping paper?

Yes really. As i said They can't be packed tightly into boxes and hidden so easily if op is very short on space

We used to go to midnight mass. It’s a lovely service. However, since having children, it’s not really practical. We like to spend Christmas Eve together and only one of us would be able to go.
Thats a lovely view wuthering. Hope you all enjoy your Christmas .

I think I might stop posting on here now, possibly even reading, as there are still so many pp being rude about issues which I've already covered, numerous times:

• its not all about the wrapping, the bulk of the stuff has previously been wrapped on xmas eve, which is why i mentioned it
• i see iabu asking him to not go to one of the two xmas events hes planning on, even tho its the first time he would have stayed in in ten years
• iabu for wanting a cosy non religious xmas eve in with dh
• I will be wrapping as I go as much as possible, tho i did previously leave til later on as i forget what ive bought so will write lists (dh dislikes wrapping anyway so left to last minute, dc do take ages to get to sleep on xmas eve, i have found, thats also why its left late so im sure theyre not going to get up)
• I will hide presents in suitcases which hopefully wont look suspicious in my room, youngest still comes in with nightmares on a night (dripfeed alert!!!)

Hope ive covered it all (again) for those who can't be arsed to skim read my pp.

Thx again to those pp who did read and therefore gave meaningful comments rathet than just jumping in to tell me how shit i am. Even the meaningful yabu comments have been digested and taken on board.

Merry Yule in advance to everyone. Apart from the sarcastic and insulting ones.

One thing occurs to me, @Jellybellyqueen - if your dh is going to go to church over Christmas, might Midnight Mass be the better option? I know it leaves you at home alone, but he wouldn't be going out until late, so he ought to have time to help you before he goes, and to spend time with you and with the children before they go to bed - and at least that way, he would be at home with them and you on Christmas morning - which you could argue is a more christmassy bit of Christmas than late Christmas Eve.

Whatever you decide, I hope that it works for you - and that you all have a lovely Christmas.

You refer to wanting to have a cosy evening with your DH, having a glass of wine etc. There is absolutely nothing stopping you doing that is there? Unless you were planning on not going to bed and wanting to cosy up on the sofa all night, 11pm would be bedtime for a lot of people, thus the end of the evening. Instead, he will be heading off to one of the most important services in the church calendar. I still don't see the problem.

Probably a waste of my time typing this since you have stopped reading your own thread.

SilverySurfer SDT

For the love of god(s) will you at least read the OP's posts before piling back in?

Its two trips not one and there is a lot more to it if you just read her posts.

silvery, nope, still reading, and coming across gems like your post .
Thx c8

Just wrap the presents earlier..you've got plenty of time to plan.

Dh is a church organist so he buggers off about 9pm on Christmas Eve. I bloody love it, even when the dc were small. I open a bottle, do the necessary prep for the Christmas lunch, watch whatever shite I want on the telly.

You are a woman after my own heart Rocker

I love the Midnight Mass in particular - but I also love getting Mr Schaden out from under my feet so I can get sorted out and then just veg!

He's not leaving till 11pm? can you not get stuff then before then? :/ I think YABU tbh

done before then*

You don't feel valued & I think perhaps the midnight mass is the straw that broke the donkeys back

I agree with the above (sorry - read right through and can't remember whose comment it was to credit it).

I love the Midnight Mass (Anglican) and would be very sorry if I couldn't attend it - but I wouldn't put ANY church service before my family or use it as a way to get out of my share of the work involved in Christmas.

If your DH has form for leaving you with the graft OP, I'm not surprised that you feel angry and resentful.

He certainly doesn't need to attend a second service if he has been to the midnight one - remind him that "wherever two or three are gathered in my name, I am also" (and that if there is only one, Jesus himself makes the second).

Faith is NOT removed from everyday life - it should be a part of it, and being a Christian should be about caring for each other, especially your precious family. To ignore their needs while offering worship means that you are juts paying lip-service to having faith, not that you have it.

You refer to wanting to have a cosy evening with your DH, having a glass of wine etc. There is absolutely nothing stopping you doing that is there? Unless you were planning on not going to bed and wanting to cosy up on the sofa all night, 11pm would be bedtime for a lot of people, thus the end of the evening. Instead, he will be heading off to one of the most important services in the church calendar. I still don't see the problem.
Well said 👍

I have read ALL of the posts, including the OP's and am not 'piling back in' .I just don't see a problem with the DH attending midnight mass (after having spent a relaxing evening with the OP) and a service on Christmas Day, even though I am an atheist. As has been mentioned by others, surely that is preferable to the DH disappearing down the pub for most of Christmas Eve/Day?

If the issue is not so much a problem with him going to church but rather him being lazy and doing nothing in the home or for the children, my reply would be entirely different and the OP may find it useful to start a new thread on the Relationships Board if that is the case.

You might also want to remind him of the good samaritan vs the pharisee.

Jelly, I am going to stop reading now also. But before I go, your last post but one DOES go on and on about wrapping presents on Christmas Eve. I think that you are the problem! You just keep going on about it, then next saying that wrapping Christmas Eve is not the problem. You're coming across as annoying, whiny and controlling now. So bye!

I hope you let him go with your blessing to the most special and spiritual service of the year.

Op - AIBU? Whole of Mumsnet - YABVU! OP - No I'm not

Sad that i wont have the cosy xmas eve relaxing in front of the fire, wine glass in hand that i was hoping for - why can't you do that, why do you need your DH with you for that, you keep moaning about him and don't seem to have that happy a relationship so why not enjoy your own company in front of the fire with a glass?

You need to learn to enjoy your own company not having to be so needy about wanting your DH to stay in.

You might also want to remind him of the good samaritan vs the pharisee
Except that doesn't even work in this situation (just like other people going 'omg as if he is going to church at Christmas. How un-christian. He really should sack off religious observance to appease his mrs who thinks the only time presents can be wrapped is 11pm on 24th december. What a hypocrite').

The OP isn't like the person in the parable who is injured. Him going to church isn't him being a pharasee and passing by on the other side.
Total garbage much.

The OP wants a secular Christmas eve with family and then to demand her OP wraps presents at 11pm because her lack of organisation means he shouldn't attend church.

The OP can still have a family christmas eve up until 11pm.
She just wants to dictate whether he does/doesn't go to church.
Presents can be wrapped another time.

An 11pm service leaves 23hours of Christmas eve for family things. But that's not good enough for the OP.

OP - have to disagree with (almost) everyone- I think YANBU at all. I love wrapping presents on xmas eve, still do even though my DDs are long past believing in Santa.
It probably helps that I'm an atheist and see any church-going as v v unreasonable behaviour
I celebrate the secular holiday and the winter solstice that the church grafted their celebration to.
It sounds like you already do loads to accommodate your DH - don't do even more.

It probably helps that I'm an atheist and see any church-going as v v unreasonable behaviour
You just sound judgemental and intolerant to be honest.
And that has nothing to do with being an atheist. It's just crappy.

Yes I freely admit to being intolerant of grown adults believing in fairy tales- your right to believe your imaginary friend really exists doesn't trump my right to think it's a load of nonsense.