To not want dh to go to on midnight mass this year?

[Jellybellyqueen]

Dh goes to a church group once a week, church on sunday, and on special celebrations. He pretty much always goes to midnight mass on xmas eve, and also wants to go on xmas day, which we are spending at my parents this year. None of the (primary aged) dc are interested in going, nor am i, as he's the only religious one in the house. We've been as a family before, dc bored and me trying to keep them quiet, so im not doing it again.
Im also sick of staying in on my own wrapping presents on xmas eve. AIBU to ask him to give it a miss this once?

Why do his wishes trump those of his wife and kids, every single year?
Because his wife is being unreasonable.

If you want him to help with the Santa letters, present shopping etc then tell him.

If you Think its unfair he gets a night and morning off from you, then make an effort to have that tome off yourself too on a diffe rent day.

Wrap the present early then Christmas Eve once the kids are in bed you can get them out and pretty them up in superfluous bows

Yes I freely admit to being intolerant of grown adults believing in fairy tales- your right to believe your imaginary friend really exists doesn't trump my right to think it's a load of nonsense

There is your right to believe it is a load of nonsense and there is choosing to be judgemental and intolerant. The two do not go hand in hand.

Most reasonable athiests and agnostics are not intolerant. They simply don't believe and don't go around being disparaging to those who do have faith.

You just sound like one of those nasty smug people who think their beliefs are superior and more enlightened than anyoje else, which isn't terribly nice on anyone (religious or not)

Christ-Mass, OP.

The clue's in the name.

Suggest you get the presents wrapped earlier.

YABVVVU

You just sound like one of those nasty smug people who think their beliefs are superior and more enlightened than anyoje else, which isn't terribly nice on anyone (religious or not)

Theresa a lot of this here amongst religious types though. The OP would have got a different response if her DH was tootling off to the pub or to any other hobby both days I'm sure. This suggests that some people think there is a difference if it is about faith or a god because this is so e how superior or different and therefore acceptable.

@MaisyPops
You might also want to remind him of the good samaritan vs the pharisee
Except that doesn't even work in this situation (just like other people going 'omg as if he is going to church at Christmas. How un-christian. He really should sack off religious observance to appease his mrs who thinks the only time presents can be wrapped is 11pm on 24th december. What a hypocrite').

That comment was NOT in relation to him going to mass on Christmas Eve or to mass or church at any time. It was in relation to not contributing to family life and for those little things like leaving his wife to mind the children when in church.

Theresa a lot of this here amongst religious types though.
I don't like smug 'my religion is better than yours' types either and have left churches because of it. Intolerance isn't a nice trait.

The OP would have got a different response if her DH was tootling off to the pub or to any other hobby both days I'm sure.
The point is that it isn't tootling off to a hobby on an important day.
It's religious observanve on a religious holiday.
Like a Jew going to synagogue for passover or a Muslim going to mosque to celebrate Eid.

Pointing this out isn't saying having a belief in God is superior. It's saying expecting a religious person to not celebrate a religious festival is silly.

But to someone who does not believe in a god and who considers religion to be a hobby at best there simply is no difference.

But to someone who does not believe in a god and who considers religion to be a hobby at best there simply is no difference
There's only no difference if people choose to be ignorant and pretend they are the same thing.

I'd have thought people who don't believe are perfectly capable of thinking I don't believe but respect that you do and part of your faith is celebrating a common religious festival

My DH is agnostic. We wouldn't be together if he chose to refer to my faith as some hobby or thought I should miss important services because 23 hours on Christmas eve wasn't enougy family time.

There's only no difference if people choose to be ignorant and pretend they are the same thing

But that's judgmental. They are the same thing in my book and I am not ignorant.

If you are not ignorant then surely you can see that they are not the same.
A hobby is soemthing someone enjoys and does for fun.
Someone's faith is a deep belief in soemthing and religious observance comes from that.

You don't have to believe to appreciate that hobbies and religious observance are not the same thing to believers choosing to group them as the same thing just comes across as deliberately obtuse.

Jelly, I am going to stop reading now also. But before I go, your last post but one DOES go on and on about wrapping presents on Christmas Eve. I think that you are the problem! You just keep going on about it, then next saying that wrapping Christmas Eve is not the problem. You're coming across as annoying, whiny and controlling now. So bye!
Yes, it (yet again) states I have taken onboard what op have said about the wrapping, which was a small part of the original op, but is what most ppl focused one being the reason iwbu. I stated I will do it differently to stop ppl needing to come on and waste their time telling me iwbu by only wrapping at 11pm on Xmas Eve and expecting dh not to go to church (at all over the Xmas period!) in order to help. Which wasn't the case, but still ppl keep lambasting me about it.
If that's whiny and controlling, so be it itsonkyme! You're obviously entitled to your opinion ( though apparently I'm not... )

But most of this thread has been about how midnight mass is enjoyable. And doing something in deep faith (which some might see as delusion) does not automatically make an activity good or worthwhile. Some of us see religion as quite dangerous in fact, and not good at all. To me the bottom line is about how one chooses to spend their free time and how this free time is determined to be 'free' in terms of a division of household labour, the same as in the 'DH has a hobby' threads.

OP I hope so much your heart softens to your DH and you let him go. Maybe curl up in bed at 11pm so you're rested in the morning to enjoy the day?
Saying a prayer for you both.

The OP has stated she is not religious. Why would you pray for her?

I don’t think faith, specifically attending place of worship at specific time which is out of step with the rest of the family as in this case, should trump all else.

Especially if he could choose to go a different time of the day and maybe one where the whole family could take part.

The situation would annoy me too OP. And I get what you’re saying about open plan/lack of storage/present wrapping.

Sometimes I feel society has been brainwashed that faith (any faith) = good and must be protected above all else. Faith is a man-made (or man-formed, or Man-interpreted) construct. If you were born in the middle of nowhere with no access to modern life then you would have no clue as to the more common or well-known formats of faith. And life etc would go on.

^this

And doing something in deep faith (which some might see as delusion) does not automatically make an activity good or worthwhile. Some of us see religion as quite dangerous in fact, and not good at all. To me the bottom line is about how one chooses to spend their free time and how this free time is determined to be 'free' in terms of a division of household labour, the same as in the 'DH has a hobby' threads.

Agreed.

To me it's no different to attending a football match.

Just because adherents feel that religion deserves a special place doesn't make religion special to all of us.

Faith should be respected. This is not just like any other hobby. I still don't see how it impinges on the OP either. It's 11pm for an hour. At Christmas. It sounds to me like she's trying to control him for the sake of it. If a man were doing this we'd be rightly horrified.
I'll pray for her to soften her heart and let him celebrate Christmas for one hour.

Faith deserves no respect.

I respect the rights of people to believe in what they like, but don't ask me to respect religion.

And if a religion is allowing someone to behave like an asshole then I certainly won't respect that.

I'll pray for her to soften her heart

The OP has already said she is not religions. How patronising and passive aggressive of you to announce your prayers for her.

"I'll pray for her to soften her heart and let him celebrate Christmas for one hour.*
How about rtft and getting your facts straight?

Makes no difference. You sound aggressive towards me

I stand by what I wrote. I've read pages and pages I'm not sure why you asked your initial question.

Okay, ban your partner from the service. Stay up wrapping presents til midnight.

I just don't agree. You're being controlling. I hope you relent.

And you sound like someone who makes pronouncements without taking into account the full facts. If so, mistaken and opinionated.
Peace be with you, enjoy your appropriated chosen religious holiday.