Why aren't parents more honest about baby days?

[ZombieVampireHedgehog]

I responded to a thread of a Mum struggling, I wondered why there's this, oh best pretend I'm Super Mum. Wouldn't we help more parents if we were honest that at times it's hard work. Some really struggled through baby days and didn't really enjoy it.

I don't think it makes us bad admitting our most trying parenting moments. Or the fact having a baby latched to your boobs 22/24 hours of the day is tiring. BF is hard work, as I guess cloth nappies must be.

We won't be sent to the guillotine. We could actually help.

I know super Mums exist, I thrived more as a parent when they were older. Where these super Mums on SM are mostly about youngest DC, the older ones pretty much do their own thing.

From tummy time to those daft black and white books, meant to turn your DC into Einstein. So many fads. Ooh organic jars and now it's baby led weaning. I admit I did the Annabelle C recipes which DC hated. It's all about textures

I enjoyed it and found it easy with all 7 of mine but the toddler stage is a different story

My DH calls it the first 3 months of hell....then he likes them after that. We've been unfortunate as DS2 has severe disabilities so was in hospital from birth and aged 8 still is in and out. DD had CMPA and Drs only believed me after 3 months when she was a crispy eczema baby who screamed 24/7 and stopped as soon as I excluded dairy from my diet. When DD was born we had DS3, DS1 and then DD.... of course she wasn't planned
The are 10, 8 & 6 now and I often wonder how the fuck I managed it!!! I did though !!!

I'm always surprised at this type of OP, to me it seems all parents are constantly whingeing about how hard it is.

My DC1 was a tiny bastard dictator who never ever slept (until he was two ffs, and even now it's hit and miss). I had severe PND and considered giving him up, it was that hard. Most of my yummy mummy "mates" dropped me when I was too honest about how I felt and how I was struggling. Luckily I made real friends in time for DC2's birth - but he's been the total opposite and a dream baby who sleeps and feeds perfectly. I still find it tricky but nowhere near the level of DC1.
It still pains me that I was expected to put up and shut up with those supermum types. I bet they were suffering underneath.

I loved the baby days, DS was easy, he fed well, slept well, was chilled and content most of the time. Now he's nearly 3 he's a bloody nightmare! Swings and roundabouts.

Some friends had an awful time for the first weeks and months, it really is luck of the draw i think.

Hated the baby years. DD never slept through until she was 3 and ex worked nights so that was tough being on my own during the nigh.

Toddler years were a breeze though, she was quite chill.

All swings in round abouts.

I didn't like the baby days and I've stopped feeling guilty about that now..I hated the sleep deprivation and everything that came with it sadly.my ds is now nearly 4 and it's so much more pleasurable

But I was truthful, I found the newborn stage to be the easiest. A child that is immobile and sleeeps a lot was never hard, now I do realise that I was lucky and that some new mums find they have a colicky baby or a baby that won’t sleep at night but for me it was the easiest part. Now once they are toddlers, vocal and with an opinion of their own, they’re so much more like hard work.

People like to assume that parents of easy babies are lying, because it reflects their own experiences of parenthood.

Some babies are easy. Some sleep through, have a sunny disposition and are a joy to parent. It's not that we are lying to ourselves, and everyone else, or that we have forgotten, it's just that everyone's experiences are different.

My baby doesn't sleep through, but sleeps enough that I'm not tired, and tbh I'm more rested than when running around with work before. Life is a blissful doddle at the moment. Not every baby is hard work, but not every baby is easy either. Let's stop generalising.

Why do you have think they’re not being honest OP? Sometimes people get lucky and have an ‘easy’ baby. Why should they say otherwise?

I wasn't honest because I found the baby stage easy and wonderful, and thus have never been allowed to be honest otherwise you're accused of lying/being smug/boasting/being lucky.
So I think yabu because the exact opposite of what you're saying is true. Only those who have it difficult are allowed to be honest.

In my experience the newborn stage is much harder than the toddler or preschool years. I had to hold DS1 24/7 as he screamed whenever he was put down for months. He had reflux and cried constantly for about six months. It was awful.

DS2 is three months old and slightly better. But he's another Velcro baby and I have to hold him constantly. And he also has reflux
Maybe I'm just not lucky with newborns?

No one would have babies if everyone told the truth . Seriously though, it’s all relative. Some people have ‘easy’ babies, some people have lots of helpful family, some people have lots of unhelpful family, some people have babies who hate being babies and are brilliant when they get past that stage....

I can count the number of ‘super-mums’ I’ve met on one hand and to be honest I always feel a bit sad for the ones that are obviously struggling but can’t or won’t admit it. Parenting is hilarious when you look at it from the outside - trying to tame a totally wild tiny little person that spews, wees and poos everywhere while you’re trying to act like you have everything under control!

I remember feeling really angry back in the early days, when I was really struggling. I couldn't understand why I hadn't been warned by friends/family about how bloody hard it was.

Now, almost 3 years later, I understand why. I've pretty much forgotten, the awful feelings fade and I feel completely different about my child now than I did then.

Now I really enjoy being with him, whereas for at least the first 18 months I wanted to get away from him at every opportunity. This surely must be why people go on to have more children!

I don't recognise this. My friends with babies have all been honest, as far as I can tell - those that find it easy say so, as do those that don't.

My DD was a hard work baby after a hideous delivery but I loved every minute of it. My DS (DC2) is a dream baby but I was bordering on PND for lots of reasons. Everyone and every babyhood is different.

Baby days are soooo hard! I am on my third non sleeping baby (almost 7 months old will not sleep without my directly by her, preferably with a boob out) my dh tells me it's my own fault! As I'm too soft apparently. He'd rather I let her cry and wake the whole house up, she should sleep all night in her own cot without any comfort apparently, because that's what all babies do, apart from ours.
So I also have two under fives to get sorted every day to drop the oldest at school all while being so tired I could cry, and I'm no spring chicken either!
I KNOW it gets easier and she will sleep on her own eventually, but day to day it's a struggle, especially without the backing of dh.
Anyone that says having a baby is easy, especially with other little ones as well, is lying.

'Anyone that says having a baby is easy...is lying'
Bingo. That's why I didnt bother being honest; it's

Pointless

It's all relative. I had a really tough time in the newborn days with my DD. Really traumatic dangerous birth for us both, failure to BF, dreadful silent reflux, and a health condition that meant she had to take medication on top of the reflux meds that could cause dangerously low blood sugar if she didn't eat properly - which she didn't for ages because of the silent reflux. In the end she would only dreamfeed, nap on me and I was basically anchored to my house for the best part of her first year in a cycle of getting her medicated, getting her to sleep, getting some milk in her, rinse, repeat. I floundered a lot and developed post natal anxiety - not surprising really!

She's a really, really easy toddler though! She's 19 months now, no more medication, eats normally and is a joy to be with every day. I'm fine now and life is lovely.

I have a 'friend' who had three children by the time my DD came along. I endured a lot helpful comments in the form of of thinly veiled digs about how I was making things harder for myself, her child had reflux (he had it very mildly, was never medicated for it) how I didn't need to do X,Y and Z. Even snotty comments about how I didn't need a Perfect Prep machine, what a waste of money, just make bottles in advance for the day etc. I was ridiculous for getting DS in a routine when she got a bit older - you make your children fit in with your life - scheduling your day around nap times is so restrictive (I'm a SAHM). Babies are easy, right? It's as hard as you make it. Same as birth

Nope, her three first babies were easy. She's just had her fourth, and baby has colic or possibly SR and CMPA they haven't found out yet. She's struggling. None of her kids sleep well, all are up in the night, in her bed and up for the day at 5am. Those ridiculous routines! And yes, she has a PP machine! I've been trying to support her because I'm not a shitty person and it must be really rough to contend with a hard baby as well as already having 3 under fives. Shame she couldn't have extended the same kindness to me though hey.

I’m hating the baby stage (she’s 19weeks) I can’t lie to people. When I’m asked how it’s going I say I hate it! I haven’t got pnd I’m just not enjoying any of it! I want to so badly though!
I love her, I look after her and play with her and would never let any harm come to her but I bloody hope this gets better soon.

My baby was a little shit (no sleep/constant cluster feeding/crying ALL THE TIME) until she was about 18 months old at which point she became and still is the most adorable child. I wanted two children but there is no way I’d put myself through the early months and years again!

I bloody hated every single second of mine being babies. They all cried so much and all were terrible sleepers until at least 2 years old. I just felt like a living zombie. However I then enjoyed every single minute of them onwards, especially the trickier teenage years and into adulthood. I had some smug friends in the early baby years who absolutely cracked once the little babies turned into real human beings with strops and developing characters. And another thing I found was that the babies personalities were nothing like their teen and adult selves ( all of mine were laid back as teens)

I've been on both sides tbh. My eldest was a nightmare from day dot. He had terrible colic & screamed constantly. Teething was just a bad & I didn't have a decent nights sleep for the 1st 2 years. Fast forward to my 3rd and she is a dream baby. The odd cry with teething but she got 6 in one go so was over pretty quickly. She sleeps from about 7pm (doesn't want to go to sleep lately though) until about half 6 in the morning with a dream feed about 11ish. She's always been really well at entertaining herself too. Think this maybe from having 2 older siblings doting over her & learning everything from them. With my 1st, I did the co-sleeping, cherished the night feeds (even exhausted) & he was the apple of my eye. Now I'm not saying that each baby gets easier with everyone but I think mums learn to relax more with each baby. I did anyway. I passed my 3rd to anyone & everyone that would have her. Obviously I knew & trusted them. It gave me time with my other children & she learnt that she didn't have to be stuck to my hip & didn't scream blue murder when she wasn't near me. My eldest wouldn't even go to my husband. I've had days where I've struggled with all 3. My 2nd was a mix of both but she is a major daddy's girl. It was easier for us as parents and having 2 children that wanted either mum or dad.

Well I don’t pretend to be supermum personally but I did not find the baby stage difficult, and my dc are only 11 months apart!

Both of mine slept really well, breastfeed without any problems, only time ds really cried was if he wanted milk, mine could be left on a play mat or whatever for half hour without needing anyone so we could get on with household stuff, DD was a bit of a crier at first but by 4 weeks old she had stopped and become more chilled out. Baby stage for me was a walk in the Park

Mine are now 26 months and 15 months and they are still both chilled out. They sleep well not waking at all at night, they eat anything, they play nicely together. Of course this might change in the future as they get older but for now they are a little dream

I love the baby bit so much baby number 3 is due in December and then I will have 3 under 3.

I didn’t know why you find it so hard to believe some people have easy babies. Surely it’s just like some people having the teens from hell and other teens being chilled

But people that have an easier time of it shouldn’t have to feel bad and keep quiet about it. My two weren’t the same at all, my first couldn’t bf at all and I had no help so that was upsetting until I accepted it but otherwise he was very easy going, slept regularly and I genuinely don’t remember experiencing that fog that people talk about. I just got on with it and I don’t feel bad at all for saying that.

My second was unwell for a time but on top of that was not a great sleeper, I remember constantly feeling sick and confused from lack of sleep and being in tears most nights, until she was 4 months. But she was unwell and as soon as she was better she slept like a dream and has been really easy going ever since.

She did bf which made life a bit easier but I can’t relate to the bf stories on here about doing it for hours and not getting off the sofa for 45 minutes at a time because she was done in 5 minutes each side every time, I was constantly worried I was doing it wrong because of all the things I’d read here. It was only because my hv told me lengthy feeding wasn’t necessarily normal I felt a bit better. I wish there were more stories about easy bf’ing, it always seems like a chore when it’s discussed.

There’s no point comparing stories with other people. I read other people’s experiences but never fully relate to them. Some things I found difficult but I managed. I sympathise with anyone who really struggles to keep it together but that, generally, hasn’t been my experiences and I can’t feel bad about that.