Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to deal with SiL’s dogs this Xmas

169 replies

lookingforthecorkscrew · 22/11/2017 16:37

DH’s family have had a really tough year, and made a big deal of wanting us all to be together as a family this year. DH and I are very happy to go along with this, and have agreed to all the plans that have been put to us.

The only issue is that his DS is hosting the Christmas meal at her house, and she had two huge (and incredibly boisterous) dogs. Our 3yo DS isn’t afraid of them but he also isn’t keen, and often flinches if they come near him.

DSiL adores her dogs and treats them like human children (to the point where they have a place laid at the table for them on Xmas day), this is, of course, her business BUT it does mean that they are never shut away or disciplined - even when they knock over my DS and make him cry.

AIBU to ask v politely that they be sequestered if they upset DS on Xmas day? I have a feeling I am. We’re going to have to suck it up, aren’t we?

OP posts:
TerrysChocolateOrange761 · 22/11/2017 17:38

Okay, in the time not during dinner, if the dogs become boisterous, politely ask you MIL to move them to another room.

ObscuredbyFog · 22/11/2017 17:38

As your son has ASD it's likely that a day with the whole family at someone else's house will put his stress levels through the roof and into the stratosphere with sensory overload and then some.

There's your get-out clause, you don't even need to mention the dogs. Smile

Wolfiefan · 22/11/2017 17:39

Dressing them up and feeding them from the table? Grim.
Time to make alternative arrangements if your DH or DP can't talk some sense into them.

Laiste · 22/11/2017 17:39

The dogs eat at the table and chew your son's gifts?

Sometimes, when it's family and a problem has been gradually growing, it's hard to see clearly what the blindingly obvious is.

OP - the dog thing is bloody ridiculous and NOT conducive to having guests over for xmas.

Ask DH to say gently to his sister - we'll pop over on boxing day for a couple of hours, but i have to be honest and say the dogs and the way they are in the house is just not going to work with DS on xmas day. Xmas is the day DS gets to go mad with his new toys across the house and he can't with the dogs around. Sorry. ect ect.

sleepyMe12 · 22/11/2017 17:40

A place at the table, that's a no from me.

DamsonGin · 22/11/2017 17:40

If you need to find a compromise, if she won't shut the dogs away or keep them on a lead, can you ask if there's somewhere dog free in the house your ds can play?

ShellyBoobs · 22/11/2017 17:40

I wouldn’t be anywhere near, OP.

It sounds bloody awful.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 22/11/2017 17:41

I think you have to be very careful how you talk you your sister in law about the dogs. If she treats them like her children, I'm sure she won't take kindly to any rude remarks about them.

I wouldn't be careful at all. Her behaviour and the way she treats these animals is ridiculous and unacceptable, and she needs to know that.

Fair enough if you want to be weird when you're alone, but when your weirdness impacts negatively on other people it's not okay.

She's the rude one here, imposing these animals on others. OP wouldn't be rude to point out they're only animals and not in any way, shape or form her "babies".

Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 22/11/2017 17:41

We can’t pop over! We’re staying with MiL and it’s all been arranged that we’ll all spend Xmas/Boxing Day there - together. If we stay behind at MiL’s we a) look like knobs b) have no good!

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingforthecorkscrew · 22/11/2017 17:41

*food

OP posts:
splendidisolation · 22/11/2017 17:42

Unreasonable.

Her dogs and her house. You say your son isnt afraid of them.

People saying xmas is all about the kids, no it isnt. Its about family and the dogs, while not human, are family.

You know they arent dangerous. You're being precious.

mumisnotmyname · 22/11/2017 17:44

I don’t think I could sit and eat at a table where dogs were eating at the same time, if that really is what you are saying? I say this as someone with a cat and a dog. Dogs going round the table begging would irritate me but I could l tolerate it in someone else’s house. If you are putting up with them sitting with you, you deserve an extra nice xmas present!

Frillyhorseyknickers · 22/11/2017 17:46

Large dogs who are humanised are dangerous almost as dangerous as the morons who own them - if brains were dynamite

I say that as the owner of two large breed dogs. But I also have a SiL who humanises her dog and she's so unbelievably deranged about what is acceptable when you have small children because she's a selfish fuck and her dogs are her universe

I would be telling her they are put away or disciplined.

Floellabumbags · 22/11/2017 17:47

I'll preface this by saying that I have been keeping a dead greyhound in my wardrobe for almost eleven years through the birth of two children and three house moves. Your sister in law is bonkers and needs to have a word with herself.

HeebieJeebies456 · 22/11/2017 17:48

Does nobody speak up and say anything when the dogs knock a child over or start chewing someone elses's toys? Hmm

It really isn't that difficult to tell the dog 'no' and take the toys off them, or shoo them away from your child Hmm

Jenna43 · 22/11/2017 17:48

Your child not really liking dogs is not a reason why these animals should be shut away

Yes it is.

lettuceWrap · 22/11/2017 17:49

A toddler age relative of mine was bitten in the face (and permanently scarred despite plastic surgery) by a dog who was treated like a “baby” by the owner, another relative. No discipline, not trained, owner refused to separate dog from visiting children, or would turn up with dog to family events after being told not to bring it. Too many in the family didn’t want to offend the relative by refusing to visit unless the dog was put in a separate room.

In your situation I think you need to put your DS first. Calmly tell sil that you would love to come for Christmas but can’t do so, unless she’s happy to separate the dogs from your DS during your visit. Then make your own arrangements for Christmas. It’s really NOT worth the risk (and of course, the dogs are not at fault here, the owner is).

starsorwater · 22/11/2017 17:49

I have a dog we all love a lot. She gets moved out for visiting toddlers because she's a dog. No problem. If I were you I would get yourself some citronella and dab it on discreetly, it smells quite nice and lemony but it might keep the dogs away.

KurriKurri · 22/11/2017 17:49

It's your little boy's Christmas too - the dogs don;t even know it is Christmas !

I love my little mutt to pieces, but I don't have him eating at the table and I wouldn;t let him knock a child around (he wouldn't because he's very small - but if a child was frightened of him, I'd put him somewhere comfortable where he is happy.)

Are you staying the night before at SIL's or MIl's ? Could you do early presents at your mIL;s - so at least your DS gets to open his things in peace, go over to Sil's for Christmas lunch stay for a bit then come home earlyish.

You can't insist people come to yours and then not make them welcome and letting a three year old be knocked over by huge dogs isn't making hium welcome.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 22/11/2017 17:50

Clearly your SiL needs to be reasonable and recognise that DS and the dogs can't be constantly in the same space if it upsets him, but I do see how it's not quite as easy as lots of people are claiming. What's the layout of the house? How easy is it to shut the dogs away? I have more sympathy with her if it will mean confining them to a little room or shoving them outside, less if it means they can roam most of the house apart from the one room your DS is in. She may also know that if they're shut away from all the people they may just stand and whine and cry at the door constantly, which will upset her and not be much fun for anyone else either. I suspect that you may end up with you, DH and DS in one room with the door shut while everyone else is in the kitchen or wherever with the dogs - is that going to be an ok solution for you?

Laiste · 22/11/2017 17:54

Well, it's either be honest and do the best by your DS and say he wont enjoy his day there and 'look a knob' by staying away, or make up an excuse why you can't go.

D&V usually puts the mockers on house visits. One of you could go down with a ficticious bout of it?

Then start work on what you'll do next year.

user838383 · 22/11/2017 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueskydreams · 22/11/2017 17:55

I just wouldnt go there it's not safe, if dogs are given such high status in the household then there is an increased risk that they will feel it is ok for them to discipline the humans especially the smaller weaker ones

LisaSimpsonsbff · 22/11/2017 17:57

When did you last actually see SIL with the dogs, OP? Presumably you're not there constantly as it's so far. I think that you can phrase this as a 'now that he's bigger he could inadvertently hurt the dogs or catch them off guard', even if this is a white lie.

RosaRosaRose · 22/11/2017 17:58

I hear you say it's been a tough year for everyone. No one wants to rock the boat unnecessarily.

I wouldn't.

However, your son and your family deserve a nice Christmas.

You're going to have to be firm about this and be clear that if the dogs are to be fully included in the celebration, and not be set any boundaries, then you can't be there.

Insert 'larger child' into the post to replace dog.

My small dog is my best pal, but she's put in the next room if there's a hint that she makes someone uncomfortable.

( and place settings for dogs? Bleurrrgh)