How to deal with SiL’s dogs this Xmas

[lookingforthecorkscrew]

DH’s family have had a really tough year, and made a big deal of wanting us all to be together as a family this year. DH and I are very happy to go along with this, and have agreed to all the plans that have been put to us.

The only issue is that his DS is hosting the Christmas meal at her house, and she had two huge (and incredibly boisterous) dogs. Our 3yo DS isn’t afraid of them but he also isn’t keen, and often flinches if they come near him.

DSiL adores her dogs and treats them like human children (to the point where they have a place laid at the table for them on Xmas day), this is, of course, her business BUT it does mean that they are never shut away or disciplined - even when they knock over my DS and make him cry.

AIBU to ask v politely that they be sequestered if they upset DS on Xmas day? I have a feeling I am. We’re going to have to suck it up, aren’t we?

I wouldn't go simply because I wouldn't want to be around someone so precious and ridiculous about their animals.

They're not family, they're pets. Her attitude would piss me off too much that I couldn't be around her.

Never mind the issue with your child, I couldn’t eat my dinner at the table with dogs there (and I have a dog).

I think in these circumstances I’d go for a short visit before/after lunch, maybe an hour or so. It’s not fair on your son to have to spend his whole day worrying about the dogs.

I simply wouldn't go. I'd explain how unhappy I felt about the dogs and leave it at that. If anyone is upset, they'll be far less upset that you'll be if the dogs turn on your son.

A former colleague of mine had a new partner with two large "part of the family dogs." Apparently they were as soppy as anything and couldn't possibly be treated like dogs. They had places at the table, sat on the sofas, were never shut away etc. My colleague had a young child. One day the child needed over two hundred stitches to have his face sewn back together. The dogs were put to sleep immediately. The child - now an adult - is scarred for life.

Can you stay in another room with DS if you have to be there all day?
I have a 3 year old DD & a MIL with a large uncontrollable Doberman. We only spend an hour on Christmas Day at MIL’s because she won’t keep the dog out the way & DD can’t play with her new toys without the dog squashing her & eating the toys. MIL’s not happy but the dog comes first to her & im not compromising DD safety because a dog doesn’t like missing out on the fun.

Tough shit they're family? Of course they are, no argument there but all youngsters need boundaries and discipline, human or canine. You put kids in time out if they misbehave so why can't she treat the dogs the same? Either you treat them like kids and discipline them when they play up or you treat them like dogs and they can be kept apart from the kids. Can't have it both ways.

No way would I be going if I were you. Is there any point even asking her about the dogs? By the sounds of it she'll make out you're the unreasonable one...stay home.

A place at the table??

Don't go!

MiddlingMum that's awful

IME you're not being unreasonable at all, but I know plenty of people who treat pets as if they are people and are of the opinion that the dogs should be allowed to roam free regardless of little children who might be afraid of them. You are highly unlikely to change their minds about this (just spent a weekend with childless friend who is adamant that as the dog was part of the family first, he should not be put in another room when her toddler nephew comes to visit).

The dogs eat at the table? Please say you're exaggerating.

They have a place at the table, a dog-friendly Christmas meal prepared for them and matching Christmas outfits - no less! It isn’t a case where we can pop over for a bit, as we live 200 miles away and will be travelling up to stay with MiL for the duration.

I think you have to be very careful how you talk you your sister in law about the dogs. If she treats them like her children, I'm sure she won't take kindly to any rude remarks about them.

If I were you, I would fuss the dogs when I arrived at the house. In my experience, when you arrive at someone's house who has a sometimes boisterous dog, they soon calm down when they know you're comfortable with them.

If the dogs continue to run around your DS/knock him over, I would then say "would you mind putting the dogs in the other room for a bit?"

It's definitely not fair to shut the dogs away in 'kennels' as someone has said. It's their home.

Go to you SIL's house with an open mind OP.

"Given how ott people like this can be about their dogs, I would express concern that your DS might hurt them. Might do the trick"

. Genius.

I love my dog but I definitely wouldn't eat at any table where dogs had their own place setting

Also- if you're only going to your SiL's house for meal, surely most of the time you're there will be spent at the dinner table? Everyone will be in chairs and won't the dogs lie down?

If it’s anything like last time the dogs will be roaming around the table and being fed roast potatoes.

Is your SIL aware that your DS isn't keen on them? It may be that she knows her dogs, you know your son and you've not really managed to get your points across to each other. I can understand how if she thinks your son is ok with them, plays with them etc, then asking for them to be shut away might come as a bit of a surprise to her and you might get the pushback you are expecting? Hopefully as an owner of big, strong dogs as you say then like most responsible dog owners she'll be able to come up with something to keep you all at ease. You dont say if you are on good terms or if your PILs would see your point of view and possibly have a quiet word on your behalf? Hope you get it sorted. This would be my idea of hell on christmas day.

YABU I'm afraid.

Your child's safety is paramount. But your child is safe. So no issue there.
Your child falling over occasionally is not an unsafe environment. Children fall over from zillions of things, people, in crowds, armchairs. By falling over they learn to move their bodies, to fall safely, to get up again.
Your child not really liking dogs is not a reason why these animals should be shut away.

Sounds truly ghastly. Would she allow the humans to be put away from the dogs? Maybe you all gather in the main bedroom leaving the dogs downstairs.
Could you buy her a crate for Christmas? Could you persuade her the dogs need to cool off and lock them outside in the garden?
In truth, I’d have a serious conversation about hygiene at mealtimes, being cruel by dressing up animals and safety. Either she’d have to modify or I wouldn’t go.

But they're not an issue to your DS if they're just in the same room while you're eating dinner. YABU.

DH and MiL are both of the same mind as we, but we don’t want to create a fuss or upset anyone after such a tough year.

*me

They’re not just in the same room for dinner, they’re in the same room all the time.

Can your child develop an allergy to dogs?

We had friends over for dinner last week. They tuned up with their 1 year old and announced their baby sitter had let them down. We have two dogs who are completely unused to children and the baby wanted to be crawling around the floor. The whole evening was a nightmare from start to finish as everyone was so tense. I I was you I wouldn’t go.

I'm afraid I wouldn't be going either OP... enjoy your Christmas Day relaxing.. don't be stressed out worrying