Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? -Probably - sodding school play

227 replies

amerrylittlenamechange · 22/11/2017 10:20

Yes, it’s one of those threads. I have a dd in Yr 6 - she’s one of the youngest, and it’s a difficult class in a largish primary. Lots of issues, which the school handles well - but things in her class are quite ‘locked down’ - lots of collective punishment and missing play, a bit of low-level disruption and being kicked etc, etc. It’s not the case in the rest of the school - I have another child further down - who has a genuinely lovely time in class. But this class is hard work. And dd is one of those well-behaved children who just gets overlooked in an environment like that.

The school has always been beautifully inclusive - which I really like - and very focussed on performing arts. And obviously it’s nearly Christmas, so they’ve just cast the school play. All but six children in her class have got something to do in it. There were no auditions - children just put their hand up (or shouted out, dd says) and she was at the back with her hand up every time and the teacher didn’t see her. She’s quite short, and not particularly confident. Though before anyone asks she is a good public speaker - it’s not that she can’t be loud when she needs to.

Now I’ve no problem with her not getting a part. You can’t win them all - and I’ve told her that - and she’s pinning her hopes on the Leavers ‘Production, where they will apparently be able to audition. She does drama out of school (a free afterschool club) anyway so she does get her chances. We had a chat about how good it was that lots of people who might not do drama elsewhere get a chance. She’s onboard with it all. She asked the teacher if there was any other way for her to be involved (at my instigation because she was so upset - asked about makeup, costumes, scenery, lighting etc) Told she might be able to help with the technology, but nothing has happened with that because the teacher ‘doesn’t have time to check’.

My issue is that there are a LOT of rehearsals. In other years children who haven’t got lines (which usually includes DD - though she has been a narrator once or twice) have been on stage singing and doing, you know, some kind of actions. This year, apparently they can’t be involved at all (not even with her class’s song, which is only done by children on stage), so they are just sitting on the bench doing nothing and watching everyone else during rehearsals.

There are a lot of rehearsals. The teacher now says that she and the other five might be able to ‘play with an iPad’ while everyone else is rehearsing - and yesterday he did let them bring a book. I’m not really wild about that as a solution for the six children who can’t be involved as rehearsals are three times a week for an hour as the Christmas Play fever ramps up. Though DD, is, I must admit, really pleased that she might get to play with an iPad (and I'm really not)

But AIBU to think

a) if you can involve 21 children in a class Christmas scene you can involve 27?
b) All of the children should be able to feel involved in the preparation for the show in some way?
c) Giving six of them an iPad to play with instead is not a great solution?

Suspect I’m being ‘that mother’ to be cross. But I think it could have been handled better.

OP posts:
gardenflowergirl · 23/11/2017 21:03

Even if you are a governor, in fact as you are a governor you need to remind the school about inclusion. It's outrageous that 6 children are left out with nothing to do. What would Ofsted say? I've worked in education for years and that's not on these days. You have every right to complain. Do it.

BunsyGirl · 23/11/2017 21:06

This is the one of the most ridiculous things that I have heard about concerning teaching and schools. At my children’s school they have a joint early years and Key Stage 1 nativity. That includes the kids in the pre-school and means that 160 children take part in the same production! So I’m sure that the teacher here could manage 27! Also, a good teacher will encourage the quieter, less confident children to take up a speaking role if they think that it will help them to develop. My DS1 was given one of the main parts last year despite being one of the quieter kids in the class because his teacher wanted to push him. It was fab for his self confidence.

Mishappening · 23/11/2017 21:06

It does seem extremely odd - you are not being precious.

At there school where I am a gov, there is no question of anyone being left out.

FlashTheSloth · 23/11/2017 21:13

Wow I'd be fuming at the completely unprofessional teacher saying that to my child. Too right I'd still see the Head, regardless of it being sorted now.

sonjadog · 23/11/2017 21:16

I am a teacher and I often think that threads on here are making a fuss about nothing, but in this case, I think you should follow it up. This teacher is not behaving in an acceptable manner. Six children should never have been excluded and no child should ever be made to feel bad for their parent contacting the school. This really is basic stuff. Being stressed or busy is no excuse at all.

randomer · 23/11/2017 21:24

Do you have any friends who could work with the teacher to support him/her

CradleCrapNap · 23/11/2017 21:33

Just out of interest, do you know anything about the others who were left out? Girls/boys or a mix of both. Just interested. Mostly because I too watched ‘no more girls and boys’ where without realising he was doing it, the male teacher discriminated against the girls, as someone has mentioned already. I’m not trying to say he was being purposefully sexist, I am just genuinely interested to know if those left out we’re all girls or not.

Haffdonga · 23/11/2017 21:40

Yes. Still see the head. Acknowledge that they have now resolved the initial problem. But still make the points as a parent and governor VERY strongly that:

a. You are concerned about the extremely unprofessional behaviour of the teacher towards your dd. He is clearly not coping with the role .
To blame your dd for you 'making a fuss' is outrageous. I'm an ex teacher myself but I'm shocked a teacher would ever ever say that. (He only apologised because he knows he is liable to be in serious trouble for that.)

b. You have concerns about the way the school's ethos of inclusivity seems not to have been maintained. Was there an academic, social or behavioural reason for excluding 6 children from a whole class activity? What alternative activity was provided?

c, Acknowledge that they have now resolved the initial incredibly unfair and non-educational planning of the play but it should never have arisen in the first place and the situation was distressing not only to your dd but the other children too . How will they rebuild the class relationships this teacher has created?

d. What the fuck are they going to do about it to make sure this never happens again and weak bully teacher does not ever single out or blame any child?

You are a governor. You have a duty to inform the head of concerns and work with them to improve the school . If you don't, what on earth are you a governor for?

AlpacaLypse · 23/11/2017 21:50

It would seem that either the teacher has had an epiphany of conscience or (more likely) one or two of the other staff have seen and heard what's been going on and intervened at a more senior level and kicked some arse.

willyougotobed · 23/11/2017 21:57

No. YANBU here and I'm pretty easy going. This is not on.

kootoo123 · 23/11/2017 22:00

It is very concerning the culture of bullying and intimidation this school and head seems to encourage. The school and teacher was being unreasonable and you should be able to complain without fear of reprisals for your daughter. Id be livid and would be straight in to see the head. I suspect you don't like confrontation op so best to write a few points down before you speak to him/her.

Better than that send an email now for both the original issue and how your daughter and you have been made to feel. Then state you will expect to discuss this in person asap or will be raising this issue with the governors or further.

Please dont let the head intimidate you. Every school is feeling the pressure of cuts etc but does not mean you can treat supportive parents this way.

muthafuzza · 23/11/2017 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bonbonours · 23/11/2017 22:28

Like everyone else, I think this is outrageous. Every child should be involved in the play in some way, whether that is acting, singing, dancing, doing the staging, playing maracas etc. Even if a child actively didn't want to be on stage, I would expect them to be involved in some other way like maybe being backstage reading the script and prompting, or helping with costumes or make up or something.

randomer · 23/11/2017 23:02

Intimidation and bullying? er no

user1483875094 · 24/11/2017 00:50

I SIMPLY can't believe how horribly cruel that school, and that teacher are being. I totally agree with you, IF YOU CAN INVOLVE 21 CHILDREN, YOU CAN INVOLVE 27 - I can't believe that you and the other 5 mums didn't go ballistic immediately! How horribly UN-inclusive, and downright plain mean, and cruel. Teacher does not sound fit for purpose - honestly OP this has made my blood boil for you!

themiddlebit · 24/11/2017 09:29

I am so glad you are approaching the school. This is totally unfair on your daughter and the other children who are not included. They should feel part of their class production in some way. Fancy showing the class that it's okay to leave out some kids... terrible message...

I know how you feel because I hate complaining to the school about anything, but there are times (and this is one of them) that they need to recognise that they have not got it right...

And you are letting your daughter know that there are times in life to 'stick up for yourself'... Good luck I really hope they make changes quickly!

322yellowcarnations · 24/11/2017 10:14

I am a retired teacher and I never left out a child in a production. It's a simple thing to ensure every child has a part of some sort. I remember doing a class production about life using songs like 'Staying Alive' and 'The Circle of life' and it was a simple matter to include every child, even if it was only singing and being dressed in costume. An issue like this needs sorting and should not be allowed by the head.

MiaowTheCat · 24/11/2017 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whyamievenamazeddotcom · 26/11/2017 08:55

it is unfair to leave out 6 children my real concern would be that that they are missing out on their education during rehearsals where they are sitting on the side in my DD school if she wasn't involved in an activity that required time away from lessons she was seconded into an adjacent class for lessons instead of sitting there doing nothing . hope it's sorts itself out x

jennielou75 · 26/11/2017 09:16

Yep ks1 coord here. Rewrote script to fit all 60 children from year two. Did the same last year and will do the same next year. Is knackering and you still get complaints about one line but it's what we do!

AhhhhThatsBass · 27/11/2017 11:38

So..did you speak to the head in the end?

MissEliza · 27/11/2017 11:42

Wait a minute here! I haven't RTFT because it's really long but are the school actually completely leaving six children out? They can't even pretend to be a tree or something? Or do the lights or the music? If that happened to a child in my dc's class I'd be boycotting the whole production and encourage others to do so.

YorkieDorkie · 27/11/2017 12:33

Just picked up my daughter. She's devastated because the teacher told her off for asking her mum to 'make a fuss' (but then apologised later apparently)

WTF? This teacher would be on my 'list'. Angry

3nonblondedd78 · 27/11/2017 12:51

That is awful. It's bad enough when you have one or two children with starring roles and everyone else one line but to exclude 6 children is grossly unfair.
Yanbu

3nonblondedd78 · 27/11/2017 12:52

Plus you can have a choir to include everyone.