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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? -Probably - sodding school play

227 replies

amerrylittlenamechange · 22/11/2017 10:20

Yes, it’s one of those threads. I have a dd in Yr 6 - she’s one of the youngest, and it’s a difficult class in a largish primary. Lots of issues, which the school handles well - but things in her class are quite ‘locked down’ - lots of collective punishment and missing play, a bit of low-level disruption and being kicked etc, etc. It’s not the case in the rest of the school - I have another child further down - who has a genuinely lovely time in class. But this class is hard work. And dd is one of those well-behaved children who just gets overlooked in an environment like that.

The school has always been beautifully inclusive - which I really like - and very focussed on performing arts. And obviously it’s nearly Christmas, so they’ve just cast the school play. All but six children in her class have got something to do in it. There were no auditions - children just put their hand up (or shouted out, dd says) and she was at the back with her hand up every time and the teacher didn’t see her. She’s quite short, and not particularly confident. Though before anyone asks she is a good public speaker - it’s not that she can’t be loud when she needs to.

Now I’ve no problem with her not getting a part. You can’t win them all - and I’ve told her that - and she’s pinning her hopes on the Leavers ‘Production, where they will apparently be able to audition. She does drama out of school (a free afterschool club) anyway so she does get her chances. We had a chat about how good it was that lots of people who might not do drama elsewhere get a chance. She’s onboard with it all. She asked the teacher if there was any other way for her to be involved (at my instigation because she was so upset - asked about makeup, costumes, scenery, lighting etc) Told she might be able to help with the technology, but nothing has happened with that because the teacher ‘doesn’t have time to check’.

My issue is that there are a LOT of rehearsals. In other years children who haven’t got lines (which usually includes DD - though she has been a narrator once or twice) have been on stage singing and doing, you know, some kind of actions. This year, apparently they can’t be involved at all (not even with her class’s song, which is only done by children on stage), so they are just sitting on the bench doing nothing and watching everyone else during rehearsals.

There are a lot of rehearsals. The teacher now says that she and the other five might be able to ‘play with an iPad’ while everyone else is rehearsing - and yesterday he did let them bring a book. I’m not really wild about that as a solution for the six children who can’t be involved as rehearsals are three times a week for an hour as the Christmas Play fever ramps up. Though DD, is, I must admit, really pleased that she might get to play with an iPad (and I'm really not)

But AIBU to think

a) if you can involve 21 children in a class Christmas scene you can involve 27?
b) All of the children should be able to feel involved in the preparation for the show in some way?
c) Giving six of them an iPad to play with instead is not a great solution?

Suspect I’m being ‘that mother’ to be cross. But I think it could have been handled better.

OP posts:
Turquoise123 · 23/11/2017 17:32

This is a total shambles. Makes a mockery of Christmas. Much sharing and good cheer here.

Would have better for them not to bother - leaving out 6 is madness - it's a 1/4 !

That said - what can you do ?

I am sorry for your daughter.

Dmtc · 23/11/2017 17:35

Today 17:31 Dmtc

Hi mums, I have returned to education at the age of 43, I started university a few months ago and I am starting to feel the strain. I have an essay for sociology on identity. I do t know where to start. Any advice would be great. ThanksFlowers

Maireadplastic · 23/11/2017 17:35

'What would Ofsted have to say about this?'

Sod all, I don't think they give a toss about anything that isn't English or Maths. They didn't mention in their report that at my son's huge and incredibly diverse secondary school, every single child in year 8 and 9 receives violin or viola lessons (and a violin or viola). The arts aren't on their radar.

Submariner · 23/11/2017 17:38

Hi dmtc, you need to start a new thread. This may be a good board for you. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/higher_education

2Earlgreysplease · 23/11/2017 17:43

YANBU!!

I would be wanting to speak to the head about this straightaway - whether it's school policy or just class policy, it's completely wrong on every level. There is nothing like this for unravelling a child's self confidence, and she'll probably remember this particular school play for the rest of her life, for all the wrong reasons.
Not getting chosen for a part is not the issue here, and YANB one of 'those mothers'!!!

Chrys2017 · 23/11/2017 17:43

They found her a line? So instead of using three hours a week productively she gets to stand around bored and waiting for her turn to say her line. I wouldn't call that much of a result.

MarvellousMonsters · 23/11/2017 17:47

My children were all involved in class productions, those with minor speaking parts (only one or two lines) also helped make scenery etc during rehearsals.

FrayedHem · 23/11/2017 17:47

I would still see the Head. With secondary school looming you really don't want her to leave primary with the message she shouldn't confide in you and that she will be admonished for doing so. Ideally o think the Head should tell DD this (quietly and discreetly).

Play debacle aside, it also sounds like the teacher is struggling to manage the class. Repeated whole-class punishments would concern me, particularly if consistent good-behaviour and work gets overlooked. And I think that's right to raise with the Head too.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/11/2017 17:47

Definitely still speak to the head and point out how ridiculous it was from the beginning to exclude 6 kids from the play for no apparent reason. Say you accept the matter has now been sorted but you wonder what caused the problem i the first place.

Malbecqueen · 23/11/2017 17:57

This is dreadful on so many levels. I'd kick up a stink. Please don't be scared of making a scene. You want your dd to learn to speak up for herself. She'll only learn it if you model it for her.

And IMHO as a governor, you just have even more clout.

Awhoosh · 23/11/2017 18:04

OP maybe still see the head and just clarify what happened. Sounds from teachers reaction that your DD was telling it right. But you can always use the excuse "oh DD told me this but wasn't sure that was really what had happened" - that's not too confrontational

Although it's been resolved it shouldn't have happened like that

Don't worry about your DD telling you things. Teacher sounds stressed out and hasn't acted v well

Ambonsai · 23/11/2017 18:05

I'd be furious
The teacher has made a bad situation even worse.
Telling the child off for getting you to make a fuss? That's awful
There's absolutely no reason why all the children can't just sing together. You cannot exclude children because there aren't enough parts, you change the parts to fit the number of children.
I'd be going in all guns blazing now, fuck em.

pollymere · 23/11/2017 18:06

I think as a governor you have a duty to those six who are not doing anything. They should be. Parts need to be split or added, or a song or poem. My dd school added Twas the Night Before Christmas as a poetry reading to their play. It wasn't very long and the children who weren't doing something else got the most to say. Your experience sounds like my dd Leavers Production. Oddly, when she pointed out loudly that she'd paint the set as she had nothing else to do, her and the others with no lines were miraculously given some... They shouldn't be rehearsing that much and I.think you also need to question that as a governor too.

FrayedHem · 23/11/2017 18:07

And I'd make the point your DD tried to solve it with the teacher first (asking for a non-stage job

MissMoneyPennies · 23/11/2017 18:14

Oh my god, get on the phone. I absolutely would not stand for that. How can they possibly think that is fair???

niklew · 23/11/2017 18:23

I totally agree- you cannot have a ‘class’ performance and not include everyone and further more no one should be left out on any kind of performance unless they chose to ( religious reasons etc) . I would be livid . Good luck!

MissMoneyPennies · 23/11/2017 18:30

I’ve just read it all now, yes you need to see the head on Monday. Come on! You know you’re not being precious. I don’t care how difficult the other kids are. She deserves to be seen when she puts her hand up and not told off when there has been such a huge unfairness done to her. What a totally rubbish teacher

mumof3boys33 · 23/11/2017 18:51

I’m glad your daughter has a part now. I’m shocked at 6 children being left out. At our primary school key stage 1 do a nativity and key stage 2 do a summer play in July.
There are 4 summer plays, one each year, so over the 4 years the children do all 4 plays. A bit boring for me with 3 children spread out in age as I’m now on my third time at watching the plays. Some I will see for a 4th time. Obviously with a different cast each time. Anyway, the amount of children in the school has doubled since my oldest started 12 years ago (obviously he left the School a long time ago, youngest is year 4) my oldest was narrator in one play. My youngest performed in the same play this summer, there were 4 narrators doing the same part that my oldest did on his own. Also new people that weren’t in it before. So the school has had to create more parts. It is possible on a play that has been done before. No child has ever been left out. We always complain though as we can predict which children will get the biggest parts! 😂😂

PineConesAplenty · 23/11/2017 19:32

I would definitely still see the head. His comments about you making a fuss are disgusting.

Our primary school is a 3 form entry so 90 children per year.

Every year they put on a year group play at Christmas and every single child is involved, either narrating, on stage with lines, on stage dancing, on stage as scenery but every child has a decent sized part.

It isn't even the same play they recycle. New plays every year. Costumes are made in school, they are amazing. I have sat through 10 years of them.

BrieAndChilli · 23/11/2017 19:36

I think as a governor you need to say that going forward the school needs to think about it’s inclusion policy and that all children should be included in some way on whole class activities.

RagingFemininist · 23/11/2017 19:54

Yep I wood still see the HT AND I would make a point about the way the teacher has tackled the issue, incl putting pressure in your dd so that YOU don’t make a fuss....

Stompythedinosaur · 23/11/2017 20:24

I would definitely still see the head! I would be particularly concerned about her telling your daughter off about you "making a fuss", that is awful behaviour.

billybagpuss · 23/11/2017 20:25

I have read this thread in complete disbelief.

Please still go to see the Head. No way should your DD have been treated like this or made to feel so bad.

Let us know how you get on.

jayne1976 · 23/11/2017 20:41

Not nice and not need
Elf for example can be elf 1 and elf 2 if the lines need to be devided

tartantroosers · 23/11/2017 20:47

Had to add my two pence worth here...it's blindingly obvious to me that you are NOT one of 'those mums' just from the way you have written the post. I also hate to interfere or complain but if you are usually restrained and something really gets to you, you should follow your instinct and intuition. Something is clearly very, very wrong here. Good luck.