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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? -Probably - sodding school play

227 replies

amerrylittlenamechange · 22/11/2017 10:20

Yes, it’s one of those threads. I have a dd in Yr 6 - she’s one of the youngest, and it’s a difficult class in a largish primary. Lots of issues, which the school handles well - but things in her class are quite ‘locked down’ - lots of collective punishment and missing play, a bit of low-level disruption and being kicked etc, etc. It’s not the case in the rest of the school - I have another child further down - who has a genuinely lovely time in class. But this class is hard work. And dd is one of those well-behaved children who just gets overlooked in an environment like that.

The school has always been beautifully inclusive - which I really like - and very focussed on performing arts. And obviously it’s nearly Christmas, so they’ve just cast the school play. All but six children in her class have got something to do in it. There were no auditions - children just put their hand up (or shouted out, dd says) and she was at the back with her hand up every time and the teacher didn’t see her. She’s quite short, and not particularly confident. Though before anyone asks she is a good public speaker - it’s not that she can’t be loud when she needs to.

Now I’ve no problem with her not getting a part. You can’t win them all - and I’ve told her that - and she’s pinning her hopes on the Leavers ‘Production, where they will apparently be able to audition. She does drama out of school (a free afterschool club) anyway so she does get her chances. We had a chat about how good it was that lots of people who might not do drama elsewhere get a chance. She’s onboard with it all. She asked the teacher if there was any other way for her to be involved (at my instigation because she was so upset - asked about makeup, costumes, scenery, lighting etc) Told she might be able to help with the technology, but nothing has happened with that because the teacher ‘doesn’t have time to check’.

My issue is that there are a LOT of rehearsals. In other years children who haven’t got lines (which usually includes DD - though she has been a narrator once or twice) have been on stage singing and doing, you know, some kind of actions. This year, apparently they can’t be involved at all (not even with her class’s song, which is only done by children on stage), so they are just sitting on the bench doing nothing and watching everyone else during rehearsals.

There are a lot of rehearsals. The teacher now says that she and the other five might be able to ‘play with an iPad’ while everyone else is rehearsing - and yesterday he did let them bring a book. I’m not really wild about that as a solution for the six children who can’t be involved as rehearsals are three times a week for an hour as the Christmas Play fever ramps up. Though DD, is, I must admit, really pleased that she might get to play with an iPad (and I'm really not)

But AIBU to think

a) if you can involve 21 children in a class Christmas scene you can involve 27?
b) All of the children should be able to feel involved in the preparation for the show in some way?
c) Giving six of them an iPad to play with instead is not a great solution?

Suspect I’m being ‘that mother’ to be cross. But I think it could have been handled better.

OP posts:
Ikanon · 22/11/2017 21:03

YANBU. So I'm assuming the head had talked to the teacher (make a fuss) but not to you?

hiddley · 22/11/2017 21:11

I am far from parent of the year and I thank the good Lord that I have never had to deal with the school about dd, but I swear to Christ almighty, IF, I did need to approach the school adult to adult about something relating to her and the teacher then took it out on her, or even fucking sniffed in her direction, I would go postal. And boy can I go postal. I happen to have a few friends who are solicitors and that is where I would be fucking going.
Okay, you might say, it's just 6 kids with no role in the play at Christmas. It's far more than that now. I'd be in with the head first thing in the morning (trying very firmly to keep my temper in check). Might need a few Valium first

It's all totally unprofessional and unacceptable.

hiddley · 22/11/2017 21:17

What would Ofsted have to say about this?

hiddley · 22/11/2017 21:19

Actually, I'm asking people who know the English education system, what would Ofsted have to say about this? Genuine question.

AnUtterIdiot · 22/11/2017 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

8misskitty8 · 22/11/2017 21:32

At my Dd's school the Christmas nativity/show is done by the whole school, over 200 children.
The way they do it is, the play is threaded through each class who do a song relating to that part of the play, e.g. Last year it was about a reindeer travelling to various countries so it was a Christmas/winter song from that country.that each class sung. ( a few were not in English either)
They also get costumes for the song which are made in class by each child. So every child goes on the stage for their parents to see them. They go into the hall for the song, then leave and next class comes on.

The school holds auditions for the talking parts for the linking play. The children who play instruments do the music and the dance class do a dance. (All these children also join their class for their assigned song)
At the end every child comes back into the hall and are on the stage or round the hall and a final song is sung.

Every child this way gets the chance to sing/act and to be seen by their parents.

It's a farce if your child's class of 27 can't find a part/place on the stage for 6 children. Hardly 'inclusive' is it !

AnUtterIdiot · 22/11/2017 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 22/11/2017 21:56

Teachers always have to prepare for and assess tests OP. No excuse for doing a bad job in other areas and taking it out on your DD is unforgivable. The iPads instead of a part is ludicrously lazy in itself, but on the basis of the teacher singling your DD out today I would be making a formal complaint.

Clankboing · 22/11/2017 22:02

I'm a teacher and would never do this. Please ask the teacher or head to alter the plan so that your quiet, well behaved but willing daughter gets a part. And ask them not to criticise her for being assertive and going through sensible channels to get her feelings addressed!

EduCated · 22/11/2017 22:56

That is completely inappropriate of the teacher Angry

KeepServingTheDrinks · 22/11/2017 23:02

That's both shocking and disgusting. You're not going to leave it there are you, OP?

Lavabravacava · 22/11/2017 23:02

I don't think your DD is telling yòu the truth.

Very strange leaving out 6 kids, especially yours who has drama experience and is such a good non trouble making child.

Sure she hasn't been picked on or made to feel shy by other kids? Something else? This just doesn't add up.

5foot5 · 22/11/2017 23:29

Flowerpot1234 Could you clarify whether the experiences you are talking about took place at secondary or primary?

If secondary, then I agree that is quite normal.
If primary then, even though you think it wasn't a big deal, I think you should probably be aware by now that your experience was unusual. I have never heard of a primary behaving like this - either in recent years when my DD was at school or back "in my day" (I am in my mid 50s.)

I remember having some dodgy roles - 3rd Wise Man's assistant, singing one verse of The Holly and The Ivy, even once as a goat where I had to be on all fours with a hearth rug tied to my back - but nobody was ever left out completely.

hiddley · 23/11/2017 07:55

5foot5 you must have shown promising talent as a budding actress Grin

FlowerPot1234 · 23/11/2017 08:45

5foot5
Flowerpot1234 Could you clarify whether the experiences you are talking about took place at secondary or primary?

Certainly. Both. The single incident where nobody else even knew a play was in production was at secondary school. All the other plays were at primary and secondary school. I was in plays, and not in plays, at both primary and secondary school.

Unusual or not (had a quick ask around of 3 friends last night, they all had similar experiences to me), my point stands. Being left out did not traumatize us. I don't even remember telling my parents about it as it was so insignificant, and had I done so, my parents would never have dreamed in a million years of going to the school to complain. Being asked to do some work, eg. at primary school to go off and pick a book, or draw a tree, whilst others rehearsed, was absolutely no issue.

I keep getting posts to me telling me that some of you had examples where nobody was left out completely. OK, I accept that - that was your experience. But it really doesn't make any difference to my experience does it, and that of others (all 3 people last night had the same experience as me!).

We had experience of being left out, it didn't traumatise us, we didn't go crying to our parents, it left no emotional scar on us at all, we couldn't have cared less, we found the other work interesting - I'm sorry if that reality doesn't fit in with the angst-ridden reality you want to exist.

This is AIBU. I am saying the OP is BU, yes.

amerrylittlenamechange · 23/11/2017 09:08

There really isn't much more I can say here without it being identifying. I've sent dd to school today. She is upset and worried about seeing this teacher, but he does not teach her today so hopefully she'll be able to keep it together. The earliest I can speak to the head is Monday. And hopefully I can get it sorted then.

OP posts:
Starlighter · 23/11/2017 09:22

YADNBU! Angry

Cruel of the school to leave just 6 kids out and pathetic teaching to just throw iPads at them when they’re all rehearsing. How could anyone think this is acceptable?! It’s so easy to incorporate just another 6 kids, even for just minor roles - background, trees, extra animals, villagers, etc. It’s like they’re deliberately excluding them?!

And completely unprofessional of the teacher to then take it out in your poor DD! I’m gobsmacked!

I wouldn’t wait till Monday. I’d request a meeting with the teacher and the head this week. And I’d be rallying the other 5 parents too. Completely unacceptable.

emmyrose2000 · 23/11/2017 11:06

She's devastated because the teacher told her off for asking her mum to 'make a fuss' (but then apologised later apparently)

WTH?!? I'd be putting in a formal complaint about the teacher after this. The play thing was bad enough, but this just takes the cake. He is very unprofessional to take an issue with a parent out on a child.

Point out this teacher has made DD fearful of attending school and is worried about interacting with this teacher again. It possibly amounts to bullying and that is never okay, especially between a teacher and student.

I wouldn't wait until Monday. I'd be emailing the principal today.

How did the teacher even find out?

therealposieparker · 23/11/2017 11:35

OP.

I would be writing a letter of complaint, via email, and copying in governors.
Demand a conversation today. Always put everything in writing as schools have to record it.

therealposieparker · 23/11/2017 11:35

And complain to Ofsted.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/11/2017 12:00

@therealposieparker is right - I think you need to write a formal letter of complaint. Not only was it unfair to exclude just six children from the class scene, it was incredibly unprofessional, bullying behaviour from the teacher, to tell your child off for the complaint!

amerrylittlenamechange · 23/11/2017 17:09

A small update. I have a happier dd today. They have obviously magically (and not very subtly) found her a line in the play... the other children will do a dance on stage, which means all are now involved at least. I'm sure that the whole thing makes me look very precious and I am cringing inside. I would rather they'd treated them all the same.

She says "the teacher apologised mum so don't say anything more" - but I'm still concerned that she'll never want to tell me anything again. Do I still meet the head on monday?

OP posts:
SeasideBay · 23/11/2017 17:16

Yes you must! I am a y6 teacher and if I left out 6 kids I would be seriously questioned why.

2 years ago my cohort was 38 and all had a part. Last year there were 42 and I re-wrote the script so that everyone had a part. This year there are 45 kids. Guess what I am doing tonight...

manicmij · 23/11/2017 17:30

Very unreasonable to leave 6 kids out. Could knock their confidence being set aside when so many others have been included. What has Head said about this? Surely a class play is a whole class play.

Dmtc · 23/11/2017 17:31

Hi mums, I have returned to education at the age of 43, I started university a few months ago and I am starting to feel the strain. I have an essay for sociology on identity. I do t know where to start. Any advice would be great. Thanks