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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? -Probably - sodding school play

227 replies

amerrylittlenamechange · 22/11/2017 10:20

Yes, it’s one of those threads. I have a dd in Yr 6 - she’s one of the youngest, and it’s a difficult class in a largish primary. Lots of issues, which the school handles well - but things in her class are quite ‘locked down’ - lots of collective punishment and missing play, a bit of low-level disruption and being kicked etc, etc. It’s not the case in the rest of the school - I have another child further down - who has a genuinely lovely time in class. But this class is hard work. And dd is one of those well-behaved children who just gets overlooked in an environment like that.

The school has always been beautifully inclusive - which I really like - and very focussed on performing arts. And obviously it’s nearly Christmas, so they’ve just cast the school play. All but six children in her class have got something to do in it. There were no auditions - children just put their hand up (or shouted out, dd says) and she was at the back with her hand up every time and the teacher didn’t see her. She’s quite short, and not particularly confident. Though before anyone asks she is a good public speaker - it’s not that she can’t be loud when she needs to.

Now I’ve no problem with her not getting a part. You can’t win them all - and I’ve told her that - and she’s pinning her hopes on the Leavers ‘Production, where they will apparently be able to audition. She does drama out of school (a free afterschool club) anyway so she does get her chances. We had a chat about how good it was that lots of people who might not do drama elsewhere get a chance. She’s onboard with it all. She asked the teacher if there was any other way for her to be involved (at my instigation because she was so upset - asked about makeup, costumes, scenery, lighting etc) Told she might be able to help with the technology, but nothing has happened with that because the teacher ‘doesn’t have time to check’.

My issue is that there are a LOT of rehearsals. In other years children who haven’t got lines (which usually includes DD - though she has been a narrator once or twice) have been on stage singing and doing, you know, some kind of actions. This year, apparently they can’t be involved at all (not even with her class’s song, which is only done by children on stage), so they are just sitting on the bench doing nothing and watching everyone else during rehearsals.

There are a lot of rehearsals. The teacher now says that she and the other five might be able to ‘play with an iPad’ while everyone else is rehearsing - and yesterday he did let them bring a book. I’m not really wild about that as a solution for the six children who can’t be involved as rehearsals are three times a week for an hour as the Christmas Play fever ramps up. Though DD, is, I must admit, really pleased that she might get to play with an iPad (and I'm really not)

But AIBU to think

a) if you can involve 21 children in a class Christmas scene you can involve 27?
b) All of the children should be able to feel involved in the preparation for the show in some way?
c) Giving six of them an iPad to play with instead is not a great solution?

Suspect I’m being ‘that mother’ to be cross. But I think it could have been handled better.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 22/11/2017 18:08

I would make a complaint about her saying that to your poor daughter - totally unacceptable. How awful for her!

NoSquirrels · 22/11/2017 18:10

That's terrible. Particularly as the first thing you did was try to get DD to advocate for herself.

You're not a bad mum. The teacher is not covering themselves in glory here, however.

Motherbear26 · 22/11/2017 18:13

I’m not one for stomping into school and making a fuss but that is completely unacceptable and unprofessional and I would most definitely be popping in for a frank chat about that with the teacher and the head. The whole situation is disgraceful. 6 primary school aged children should not be completely excluded from a class event and I can’t believe you are the only parent who has mentioned it tbh. I hope you manage to get this sorted.

Imsorrynow · 22/11/2017 18:16

Crikey. It gets worse OP.
I understand the stresses teachers are under - and at least this one had the grace to apologise to your DD - but as a previous poster said, the 6 'outcasts' have done nothing to deserve this exclusion. It's very lazy and unfair.

SparklingSnowfall · 22/11/2017 18:17

Gosh that's even worse now OP!!

errorofjudgement · 22/11/2017 18:18

Wow, I think you’ve been very restrained. I would definitely want to talk to the classroom teacher and also the HT.
Having a go at your DD is dreadful, and unprofessional. If the teacher has a problem he should speak to you directly. Not your young daughter.

Collaborate · 22/11/2017 18:23

It sounds like the teacher is getting very stressed. Perhaps if you speak to the teacher it could be sorted, but if not I'd go ballistic.

LoveDeathPrizes · 22/11/2017 18:24

So weird. Its not hard to include an extra six kids. I find that really odd. YANBU

Playdoughcaterpillar · 22/11/2017 18:26

I think it's outrageous too. Haven't RTFT but I would definitely complain and I am not a complainer.

AlexanderHamilton · 22/11/2017 18:28

You need to email now using the words "formal complaint". Dh says that using those words mean they have to not only deal with it but keep a record & show OFSTED when they come.

Taking it out on your child is NEVER acceptable.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 22/11/2017 18:48

The teacher is behaving appallingly. Being quite crap was bad enough and the way he dealt without you was unprofessional but speaking to your daughter that way? Fucking outrageous.

What is the Headteacher going to do about it? Because I would want a very clear action plan and the Head to take responsibIlity for sorting out the various issues.

ElfrideSwancourt · 22/11/2017 19:01

That’s really awful of the teacher OP - I’m a primary teacher and you don’t ever do that! Definitely a complaint in writing.

Acopyofacopy · 22/11/2017 19:04

Time to go in all guns blazing! How dare the teacher speak to your child like that! Shock

altiara · 22/11/2017 19:17

Wow! I’m raging mad and I don’t even know you!

As of the play - I’m not a teacher but having watched 7 School plays, the non speaking children get to do a dance on the stage. Or you break up some of the parts for more narrators. And you DEFINITELY sing the song that your class was assigned.

Still mad about the teacher telling your DD off! Seriously, what kind of teacher is this?!
A really really shit one!

CoraPirbright · 22/11/2017 19:20

the teacher told her off for asking her mum to 'make a fuss'

Good grief, it gets worse! Time for a meeting with the head I think.

cheminotte · 22/11/2017 19:25

Have you even had your chat with the head yet? That's appalling and totally unprofessional that he should say anything to your daughter.
I would also ask what system they have in place to ensure everyone gets a chance to be heard - did you see 'no more boys and girls' where they used balls with names on as the male teacher was picking the boys to answer more often.

Allthewaves · 22/11/2017 19:28

No you are not. Now you ask for meeting with head and the teacher and tell them about your very upset dd

Rachie1986 · 22/11/2017 19:30

Not an appropriate thing for the teacher to say. At least he apologised.

Push one with original issue - she should be on stage x

Rarotonga · 22/11/2017 19:39

OP YANBU at all. All children should have an opportunity to participate. It's incredibly unfair that only 6 children are excluded for the performance itself, but I'd be livid about the non-involvement in rehearsals too. You are right to advocate for your daughter, shame on the teacher for her attitude to this.

Cambionome · 22/11/2017 19:44

I work in a primary school and this whole situation is just not acceptable. You need to be brave, go in and (calmly) speak to the teacher directly about the situation. If you don't get anywhere then speak to the head and don't take any shit!

happypoobum · 22/11/2017 19:54

I would go straight to the head - this doesn't sound right at all.

Is the teacher new? It doesn't sound like she has a clue what she's doing. It's not acceptable for her to speak to DD and tell her off for asking you to complain. How dare she!!!

QueenUnicorn · 22/11/2017 20:26

This really isn't on.
How would parents react if the teacher only had 21 textbooks so left 6 children out of a maths lesson?
The nativity is part of their education and learning, it would be totally unacceptable to exclude a handful of children from any other lesson and this is no different.

Bobbybobbins · 22/11/2017 20:58

Oh dear, this is really awful. Your poor DD! I can't believe she told her off. Surely any human being with an ounce of empathy would understand that your daughter might feel left out.

hiddley · 22/11/2017 21:01

The teacher is a HE. And HE is a prick. He should not be teaching. Excluding pupils from part of school-work and then admonishing them (a child) for their parent's intervention on their behalf?
Utterly unprofessional.

hiddley · 22/11/2017 21:03

You're a governor. Would you accept this behaviour to a child other than your own?

If you don't have the balls to stand up here, I think you need to stand down from your position and find a pair of balls to stand up and be a parent.