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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? -Probably - sodding school play

227 replies

amerrylittlenamechange · 22/11/2017 10:20

Yes, it’s one of those threads. I have a dd in Yr 6 - she’s one of the youngest, and it’s a difficult class in a largish primary. Lots of issues, which the school handles well - but things in her class are quite ‘locked down’ - lots of collective punishment and missing play, a bit of low-level disruption and being kicked etc, etc. It’s not the case in the rest of the school - I have another child further down - who has a genuinely lovely time in class. But this class is hard work. And dd is one of those well-behaved children who just gets overlooked in an environment like that.

The school has always been beautifully inclusive - which I really like - and very focussed on performing arts. And obviously it’s nearly Christmas, so they’ve just cast the school play. All but six children in her class have got something to do in it. There were no auditions - children just put their hand up (or shouted out, dd says) and she was at the back with her hand up every time and the teacher didn’t see her. She’s quite short, and not particularly confident. Though before anyone asks she is a good public speaker - it’s not that she can’t be loud when she needs to.

Now I’ve no problem with her not getting a part. You can’t win them all - and I’ve told her that - and she’s pinning her hopes on the Leavers ‘Production, where they will apparently be able to audition. She does drama out of school (a free afterschool club) anyway so she does get her chances. We had a chat about how good it was that lots of people who might not do drama elsewhere get a chance. She’s onboard with it all. She asked the teacher if there was any other way for her to be involved (at my instigation because she was so upset - asked about makeup, costumes, scenery, lighting etc) Told she might be able to help with the technology, but nothing has happened with that because the teacher ‘doesn’t have time to check’.

My issue is that there are a LOT of rehearsals. In other years children who haven’t got lines (which usually includes DD - though she has been a narrator once or twice) have been on stage singing and doing, you know, some kind of actions. This year, apparently they can’t be involved at all (not even with her class’s song, which is only done by children on stage), so they are just sitting on the bench doing nothing and watching everyone else during rehearsals.

There are a lot of rehearsals. The teacher now says that she and the other five might be able to ‘play with an iPad’ while everyone else is rehearsing - and yesterday he did let them bring a book. I’m not really wild about that as a solution for the six children who can’t be involved as rehearsals are three times a week for an hour as the Christmas Play fever ramps up. Though DD, is, I must admit, really pleased that she might get to play with an iPad (and I'm really not)

But AIBU to think

a) if you can involve 21 children in a class Christmas scene you can involve 27?
b) All of the children should be able to feel involved in the preparation for the show in some way?
c) Giving six of them an iPad to play with instead is not a great solution?

Suspect I’m being ‘that mother’ to be cross. But I think it could have been handled better.

OP posts:
MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 22/11/2017 13:26

My dh is also a parent governor (different school) and the other day he mentioned that one of the reasons he does it, is because not every child has a parent like us who will go into bat for their child and so we can help mitigate that.

I thought that was a good way to explain how I feel too.

Cagliostro · 22/11/2017 13:27

YANBU :(

Nanny0gg · 22/11/2017 13:27

If there is a chance that your DS is either a pain or difficult, he is 5. The school should be working with you to get it sorted.

They shouldn't be throwing up their collective hands as though, 'well, what can you do'? They should be helping him.

chorusline79 · 22/11/2017 13:28

Yanbu as everyone has already said!
Why can’t they all join in with the class songs?
Why can’t the teacher just add to the script and write in the extra 6 parts, would only have to be small parts. FFS it’s not that difficult.
Ridiculous to leave out 6 kids, I would be furious. Get in there and get them to sort it out! What do the other parents think whose kids are left out, do you know them?

Nanny0gg · 22/11/2017 13:28

Wrong thread - oops!

AnnPerkins · 22/11/2017 13:43

Good luck, OP.

You're not being a PITA or asking for special treatment for your child. As a governor your role is to support and challenge the school. You have plenty to challenge them on here; aside from the whole inclusivity thing, the teacher can't leave children sitting around doing nothing during valuable teaching time.

If the teacher shows any ill will towards you, so what? He'll only be showing himself up, it makes no difference whatsoever to you.

For DS's last school production there were some children who didn't want to learn or say lines, so two were given stage hand roles, carrying the treasure chest on and off stage and suchlike, and two were in charge of music and sound effects. They all joined in the songs and were up on stage with every other child for the big finale.

Like a PP said, the school production wasn't a surprise, they should have planned for it better.

Dahlietta · 22/11/2017 14:12

*Dahlietta
And, Flowerpot, presumably a significant proportion of your lessons wasn't given over to rehearsing said play while you sat there messing about at the side?

Not sure what you're on about, I've not mentioned lessons, rehearsing etc. What are you talking about? Do you mean did some of our lessons ever involve preparation for activities which some of us weren't involved in? Yes. Did we mess about at the side whilst this was going on? No, we were either given work to do or we created our own. What's that got to do with my post though?*

What I am 'on about' is that part of the OP's problem is that a fair proportion of her child's week is given over to rehearsing this play in which she has no part to play and that the school's solution is that the 6 non-participating members 'might be able to play with an iPad'. Given that you mentioned a play that nobody knew was happening until the posters went up, I presumed that this was not the case in your school and therefore was suggesting that it was not an entirely comparable situation. That is all.

FlowerPot1234 · 22/11/2017 14:26

Dahlietta

Given that you mentioned a play that nobody knew was happening until the posters went up, I presumed that this was not the case in your school and therefore was suggesting that it was not an entirely comparable situation. That is all.

In the case of that one, single play, there was no impact on the lessons. So in that one single case, it's not entirely comparable.

However, why do you choose not to refer to the other plays I mentioned? Confused. They are entirely comparable. In the cases of all the other plays, those of us in the play would rehearse, those of us not in it (I had been both) would do work or find something else to do.

I do find it hilariously ironic that so many parents buy iPads for their young children, sit them down for hours every week with one, campaign for schools to buy them as they're such a powerful educational resource, and then it's suggested that little Johnny or Jane sit down with one after not being picked for the school play, for just 3 hours a week, all hell breaks loose! Grin

Dahlietta · 22/11/2017 15:01

Flowerpot, you originally said But it's no different to the school plays in my day when I remember roles were handed out without any communication to any other pupil whatsoever! There was even a play that was put on and most of us didn't even know it was happening until the posters went up. and I said And, Flowerpot, presumably a significant proportion of your lessons wasn't given over to rehearsing said play while you sat there messing about at the side?

You have pulled two confused faces at me and twice asked me what I am going on about and now accused me of 'choosing not to refer to the other plays you mentioned'. A simpler answer would have been, 'Actually, Dahlietta, that is what happened in the other cases' and I would have said, 'Oh, okay then'.

The iPads are an irrelevance. The OP may or may not approve of iPads in an educational setting, but in this instance her issue is with no formal activity being provided to keep her child occupied when she is in school.

FlowerPot1234 · 22/11/2017 15:17

Dahlietta

A simpler answer would have been, 'Actually, Dahlietta, that is what happened in the other cases' and I would have said, 'Oh, okay then'.

Why didn't you just read my whole post and refer to the two different types of plays in the first place then? Confused

The iPads are an irrelevance.
You're the one who brought them up! Confused

in this instance her issue is with no formal activity being provided to keep her child occupied when she is in school.
We didn't have iPads. We just got on with work. Same thing! Confused

This exchange is positively bizarre. Shock

Chrys2017 · 22/11/2017 15:28

"A token back-stage role" or "playing one half of a donkey" (etc.) sounds like a very dull assignment. If I were the kid involved I'd probably rather be left to my iPad.

If that's not acceptable, why not ask that the six involved are assigned a separate (short?) performance to do as a group... with appropriate support of course.

Trying to squeeze them in to the main performance at this point will just seem like an afterthought.

TeenageFanclubNOT · 22/11/2017 16:30

UANBU. Definitely DO something to change it for all 6 x

AlexanderHamilton · 22/11/2017 16:40

I would definately complain at that. Having run a drama group where I've had to find parts for 45 children of varying abilities I understand it's hard. But that's not acceptable.

Dh is a teacher at dd's school. It hasn't stopped us complaining about something in the past.

elliejjtiny · 22/11/2017 16:43

Yanbu at all. They did this in my school. 6 of us lying on our tummies in the school hall trying to write neatly in our maths books while everyone else did rehearsals.

amerrylittlenamechange · 22/11/2017 16:59

maths books? Perhaps I should be grateful for the existence of iPads

OP posts:
littlemisspuddington · 22/11/2017 17:22

You're not being THAT mother, I think you've been more chilled than I would be. They're treating those six like they refused to join in. I'd go in and make a bit of a fuss I'm afraid. (I'm a teacher btw so generally see the other side of these things too)

Witchend · 22/11/2017 17:29

This is the time to go in and make a fuss, and I usually listen to the "my child is so quite and well behaved and it's not fair they haven't got a line" ones with a Hmm face.

Acopyofacopy · 22/11/2017 17:32

I’m a teacher, too, and yes, a Christmas play is just another hoop to jump through and I could think of a million things I’d rather do. Leaving out 6 children, though? I would go ballistic if a colleague did that and I think you should kick up a great big fuss about this! Angry

KERALA1 · 22/11/2017 17:36

Dds year had an extra class so 3 form entry rather than 2, they had to change plays half way through but every of those 90 kids had a speaking part.

KERALA1 · 22/11/2017 17:40

Exclusion is a punishment in most schools this feels like those 6 are being punished Shock and it sounds like your dd is the good, sensible type. Also am not normally one to complain and try to see the teachers side but this is so wrong I would be furious.

amerrylittlenamechange · 22/11/2017 18:01

Just picked up my daughter. She's devastated because the teacher told her off for asking her mum to 'make a fuss' (but then apologised later apparently)

. So I've just made it worse. Feel like the worst mum ever now.

OP posts:
Fruitbat1980 · 22/11/2017 18:03

Wow. I hope you now make an even bigger fuss about the teachers lack of professionalism.

thewisestoldelf · 22/11/2017 18:05

"Beautifully inclusive" Hmm

I don't think so

FlopIsMyParentingGuru · 22/11/2017 18:05

That is incredibly unprofessional of her teacher. I think at this stage I would be asking for a sit down meeting to discuss this.

BeautifulWintersMorning · 22/11/2017 18:06

You aren't a bad mum. It's the teacher that's at fault