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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
Angelwendy · 22/11/2017 12:53

You need to ask him face to face as he'll have time to think of a good story otherwise. Ask him on the spot and you'll see if he's being shifty

Mxyzptlk · 22/11/2017 12:54

Do not call! It will give him hours to think up an excuse

You'll get a much better idea if he's being truthful if you are face to face.

cherrycola2004 · 22/11/2017 12:55

do not call or text, you need to see his face and body language when you confront him. not much longer to wait.

GinwithCucumber · 22/11/2017 12:57

Even if he's done nothing (yet) he has an eye out over your shoulder hoping too. So don't get sidetracked with protestations of innocence. He may not have slept with anybody else but he wants to. He's planning to or hoping to. That'd kill it for me.

Pretenditsaplan · 22/11/2017 13:00

Pulled the following of the durex FAQ site

Durex foils and cartons are stamped with the lot number and expiration date as they come out of the manufacturing facility and are packaged for shipping. It usually takes about 90 days for shipments to reach our warehouse from where they are shipped to retailers for sale. Durex condoms normally have a shelf life of 5 years, however a few variants do have a shorter shelf life of either 3 or 4 years. Ensure you check the product is in date before using.

As an example, an expiration date of 2019-05 indicated that the condom was manufactured in May 2014 and was probably on retail shelves after August 2014

So with a 2020 end date at least it will of been on sale 2015 obviously with the ripped one you cant confirm the expiration date but what about the ones i the drawer

GinwithCucumber · 22/11/2017 13:00

PS, just to say, as somebody who has dated more casually than I intended the dating to be if that makes sense, I too have been on the receiving end of well-meaning advice from married women to be careful.

Truth is, lot of married men are out there shagging so if you want to make 100% you never catch anything, wear a condom when you're sleeping with your husband

Lovemusic33 · 22/11/2017 13:00

I agree with the others, don't call him or text as it will give him time to make up a story. He will have a story and he will lie (no one wants to admit they are cheating).

Many of us have been stupid enough to move someone in too fast, I did the same and it ended with him cheating (me finding evidence he was cheating), I'm pretty sure I was being used to do his washing and to put a roof over his head whilst he continued to live a double life and fuck other women.

haveacupoftea · 22/11/2017 13:00

Don't say anything to him yet. First you need to 1. Get into his phone and 2. Monitor the remaining condoms to see if they are used (if you can bear it)

StickThatInYourPipe · 22/11/2017 13:02

Just ask him, it’s not out of the realms of possibility that he has it for reasons other than cheating. Maybe his mum gave it to him as a warning to use one? There have been random times in life where I have ended up with them (sex Ed lessons, give away goodie bags at events, mates being stupid with them)

There’s no point in speculating as it will drive your anxiety into overdrive

Flyinggeese · 22/11/2017 13:03

OP I think your idea of sorting the washing and emptying pockets right in front of him is a really good one.

Definitely don't 'tip him off' with a text or call now. You will give him time to (if not innocent) make up some excuse. Even if there is an innocent explanation you'll always be wondering if you don't get that face to face. You need to look him in the eye for a response. Good luck.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/11/2017 13:09

OP I think your idea of doing the washing with him there so you "discover" it together might be best. Trust your instinct on his reaction

Original poster
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 13:09

I find it hard to believe that it's a condom that's been left in his pocket since before we were together. He keeps everything in his pocket so would definitely have noticed it was there.

Even if he hasn't used it, he must have taken it somewhere with him in case he had the opportunity.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 22/11/2017 13:09

Cross post with. geese

EastDulwichWife · 22/11/2017 13:10

You sound lovely OP. Sorry you have to deal with such a crappy situation. Fingers crossed for you. Flowers

Linning · 22/11/2017 13:10

I think you need to speak to him, OP and wait for his explaination.

After all, if he had cheated chances are the condom would have been used and you would only have found the wrapper (which would be much more worrying in my opinion!). The theory that he may have found it and put it in his back pocket is very plausible and could easily happen to me!
I am currently mostly dating women so haven't been involve sexually with a man in ages yet you can still find condoms around my place and I sometimes surprise myself finding one or two in random places or stuff I haven't used in a while. They mean nothing. If I go to a club and they offer free ones, chances are I will take them because we all know condoms are expensive and I like to have one or two on me to give away to girlfriends in case they need it so they may well end up in my back pocket if that's the only free spot I have.
If my partner was to find one in any of my clothes or drawers, I would like for her to come to me and talk to me. I would feel utterly betrayed if she snooped into my stuff (be it phone, laptop etc...) behind my back and I would be the one seriously reconsidering the relationship if I learned she had done that without even trying to talk me about the issue first.
I strongly believe that a relationship without trust is doomed. If someone doesn't trust me not to cheat on them then they probably shouldn't be with me and if I can't trust them to be around my properties without them feeling like snooping into it and having a look then I probably shouldn't be with them.

In other words, talk to him. he may well be cheating or he may not. If he tells you he isn't but you feel the trust is gone and that you will always feel the constant need to snoop and double check now because of that condom then maybe there isn't really a future there anymore, unfortunately.

If you say he spends most of his time with you and the rare time he doesn't he constantly text you then I would be tempted to believe that he isn't cheating though and that there is a much more rational reason behind the condom.

Either way, I wish you good luck OP and truly hope his explanation will bring you some peace of mind and confirm that he isn't in fact a cheat.

MrsXx4 · 22/11/2017 13:11

I really feel there will be an innocent explanation for this. I would try not to get worked up OP.

I only say it because I have lived with my DH for 3 years now (met and moved in after 6 months too and are now married) and literally 3 weeks ago I found an old make-up case and dusted it off - it had been put in an upstairs storage cupboard. Inside it was 3 condoms...god knows how old. I took the condoms, plus other bits of toot out of the case and left them on the side. DH came home and came across the condoms. I told him they were in said make-up case and that was the end of that. There was no disbelieving or him thinking I'd been unfaithful or making plans to be etc...

NewMinouMinou · 22/11/2017 13:12

What’s the expiry date on the others?

Cariad1988 · 22/11/2017 13:13

You have to ask him to his face, I know it's hard to wait but you will regret it if you message him and you won't 100% trust the answer, trusts me I've been there. I truly hope there's an innocent explanation Thanks

TheWhyteRoseShallRiseAgain · 22/11/2017 13:15

I came on to say basically everything Flyinggeese already said so all I can add further is a handhold

oldlaundbooth · 22/11/2017 13:22

As pp's say you'll have to see his face.

Have you had STD checks recently? You might wanna get some done.

Halfdrankbrew · 22/11/2017 13:23

I've not read the entire thread so someone might have already said this, but if you've only been together 6 months could it be that he hasn't washed the jeans since he wore them last and it pre-dates the relationship? Or assuming you were using them at the beginning of the relationship it's there from a time you used them together?

My husband doesn't wash his jeans for probably months at a time (yes he's gross) so it is possible.

Original poster
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 13:27

Thank you all so much for the advice and comments. It really helps to be able to discuss it before I speak to him. I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing this with someone in real life before I've spoken to him.

He should be home just after 4pm. I'm not going to call or text him, I'm going to wait to see his reaction when I 'find' it.

OP posts:
iBiscuit · 22/11/2017 13:28

Six months in, I'd have assumed any condoms in dp's drawer would have predated me (even had we moved in together - I've got stuff in my kicker drawer from two house moves back!). Not so sure about the jeans, but so early on I'd have bought dp's explanation.

My internet history deletes automatically to keep my browser free of junk.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/11/2017 13:31

Only opportunity sounds like this night out with his brother. What is bro like? The kind to encourage him to "have some fun" or the sort to go mad if he even looks too long?
There's a slim chance they were given out in town, his accepted and pocketed it rather than refuse because its quicker and not a thought of it since but...

Duvetlover · 22/11/2017 13:41

Oh dear doesn’t sound good but...Without being super gross.... is it possible he keeps them for a “tidy wank” ?

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