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AIBU?

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Original poster

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
DingleBerries · 22/11/2017 12:20

I go 6 months easily without wearing a particular pair of jeans.
Especially if I have several the same.
One pair will get squashed to the back of the drawer.

6 months isn’t that long. I personally think it could have been there for a while and maybe even washed a few times, since he clearly doesn’t check the pockets —neither do I—

DoesHeWantToOrNot · 22/11/2017 12:22

I found condoms in my ex husbands phone case thing. Naive me believed him when he said he got them at a work thing. Found more a few times including a used one in the bathroom.

I still gave him the benefit of doubt. Found yet another packet in 2013. He said it was workmates putting them in his bag for a laugh.

We divorced finally in 2016.

I wish I had left when I found the first ones. But I was stupid.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 22/11/2017 12:23

You are not stupid, and you must be feeling pretty rubbish right now, after finding it.
Don't look for anymore excuses, get him out, and move on.🌸

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 22/11/2017 12:25

The once in the drawer are likely just ones he's had from when you initially got together. Me and my ddh have only used condoms very rarely over the years for one reason or another and the last time was maybe about a year and a half ago and we still have a couple in some drawers. No point in him chucking them when moving to yours when you could need them one day.

One in his jeans, could be something to do with the night he was out a couple of weeks ago and not necessarily cheating. Some of my dhs friends still think they are hilarious putting a condom on their head and blowing it up via their nose.

ferrier · 22/11/2017 12:25

Surely he would not be so stupid as to have condoms in the drawer without a good reason - he'd be an idiot to do that if he was having an affair.

Nikephorus · 22/11/2017 12:31

Don't look for anymore excuses, get him out, and move on
Yes absolutely - why wait to have a sensible discussion that may well have a perfectly innocent answer (capable of being backed up by someone else) when you can overreact and end a perfectly good relationship?! Confused

DontTouchTheCharredCrotch · 22/11/2017 12:32

He might just enjoy a posh wank OP.

NewMinouMinou · 22/11/2017 12:34

With my ex (of many moons ago), I was on the pill, but still had a stash of condoms just in case I missed a pill, or was sick etc.
He may have found them as he was unpacking and decided to hang onto them for similar reasons.

How’re you feeling, op?

Angelwendy · 22/11/2017 12:34

The condoms in the drawer wouldn't bother me as I have condoms in my drawer and my OH has condoms too even though we have never used them together. They are just amongst our stuff that we haven't cleared out for a while, and I guess you never know if you might eventually need them again. To have one in his jeans is just weird though. Could it have maybe been in his jeans for ages and been going through the wash? The packaging would probably be water proof as it's foil

Original poster
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 12:35

The more I think about it, the less I believe there's an innocent explaination.

The automatically deleyed Internet history, being logged out of Facebook and the condoms in his drawer...yes, all those could have perfectly innocent explainations.

The condom in the jeans pocket that I know he's worn recently....not so much.

And it makes me feel really sad.

OP posts:
HanutaQueen · 22/11/2017 12:36

I think this is one of those it could be either way but I wouldn't go in assuming either way because there really could be an innocent explanation.

I find stuff in random pockets all over the place. The number of times I've used a bag I haven't used for ages and found something and gone 'oh I will put that in the right place' and shove it in my pocket and forget about it. He could have had it in an old coat or bag or wallet, found it, put it in his pocket to put back in the drawer etc and then forgotten. All this 'we don't use condoms so there's no reason to have them' is a fallacy as well; if you have ones that are perfectly good and in date why throw them out? There's times when condoms are necessary even if you normally don't use them, and I've usually got one on me even though I'm in a relationship and don't plan on cheating, because if a mate wanted one on a night out I'd rather be able to help them out. But then I am the most overprepared person when it comes to stuff like that (I've always got sticky plasters etc in my bag too!).

Good luck OP, I really hope that it is just nothing.

FreckledFrog · 22/11/2017 12:36

Could it be work banter?

DontTouchTheCharredCrotch · 22/11/2017 12:37

Just talk to him OP. There could be a million and one positive or negative explanations here. But I would strongly advise in future that you don't financially entwine yourself with someone by moving in together or risk having their child when you've known them five minutes. Sorry to sound harsh but this could be much worse. If all is well I'd advise looking into some form of contraception until you're ready to face the consequences that unprotected sex could bring about.

MrsMotherHen · 22/11/2017 12:38

Have you spoken to him yet?

Angelwendy · 22/11/2017 12:39

I doubt it's something like escorts as they provide the condoms and surely he would be a lot more discreet than to just leave condoms in his jeans and drawer for you to stumble across at any moment. If he's sleeping with someone else (a friend perhaps) then you'll probably be able to tell when you ask him as he'll immediately get defensive and shifty.
Ask him and take it from there

Viviennemary · 22/11/2017 12:41

It doesn't look good. But somebody could have planted it as a misguided joke. And from what you've said it doesn't sound as if he has much opportunity to stray. I think I'd just ignore it for the time being. And it could be ages since he last wore them.

Whirliegigspider · 22/11/2017 12:43

Oh no op you musy be so worried.

Original poster
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 12:43

We live together yes, but as I've said, he moved in with me. He pays his way but i am not in any way financially dependant on him. If he wasn't here, I would be fine financially.

And although we don't use condoms, I have a coil fitted so am are so other risking having their child after only knowing them for 5 minutes!

OP posts:
Original poster
bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 12:45

No, I haven't spoken to him yet, he's still at work.

I'm so tempted to call or message him though!

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 22/11/2017 12:46

I’m sorry it doesn’t look good op Flowers I’m glad you’ve found out before joining finances or having children. Kick him out.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/11/2017 12:47

"I'd advise looking into some form of contraception"
At what point did OP say they weren't using protection? There are plenty of other forms of contraception.

She's known him a while and moved on with him 6 months ago. She didn't give up her property. She works. There are no kids. If OT all goes wrong she can kick him out and carry on as before bar the heartache. There's nothing wrong with moving quickly in a relationship.

MN is full of people married for decades only just finding out their DP cheats. And if they didn't live together its possible OP wouldn't have found this out for another 5 years

GlossyShine · 22/11/2017 12:51

Do not call! It will give him hours to think up an excuse

QuimReaper · 22/11/2017 12:51

The thing is, just because he's worn the jeans recently, it doesn't mean the condom was put in the pocket recently. It could have been in the pocket when you met, possibly even for use with you (presuming you did use condoms to begin with), then the jeans got shoved to the back of a drawer for say 4 months, then he brought them out and wore them a couple of times and slung them in the wash, et voila.

We lost the keys to our shed, and even though I specifically asked DH to check the pockets of a specific pair of trousers because I remembered him having gone out there to grab something for me on a certain occasion, the keys turned up in that exact pocket something like three months later. He's worn the trousers heaps but never washes them, and hadn't even noticed the keys being in there. ( Angry )

Not to derail in order to have a rant about DH or anything Grin

I just don't think you necessarily need to get worked up. There are so many plausible explanations. Give him a chance to explain - 6 months isn't so long that there can't be traces of his single life hanging around. In fact, 6 months is no time at all.

alphajuliet123 · 22/11/2017 12:53

Do not call or message him.... it would give him a few hours to practice his story, if there is one. Face to face and a cool "errrm, what's this?"

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 22/11/2017 12:53

I could say to you it may be something innocent to make you feel better, but I'm not going to as you're a big girl and I'm sure you want the truth as upsetting as it may be.
There is clearly only explanation for this, isn't there. He's cheating on you.
I agree with PP. Its best that that you found out now and not 10 years down the line. When you have 2 kids and a mortgage