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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a condom in boyfriends jeans pocket

661 replies

bigapplerecords · 22/11/2017 08:54

I've just been through the laundry basket to put a load of washing on and found an unopened condom in the pocket of my boyfriends jeans.

We don't use condoms.

Aibu to think there could be a perfectly innocent reason for it being there??

OP posts:
RebeccaBunch · 23/11/2017 15:19

there is no resolution though. "I don't know babe" isn't a resolution.

How many times in your entire life have you found something in your pocket (any pocket, not just jeans pocket) that wasn't yours and you don't know where it come from?

PollyPerky · 23/11/2017 15:26

Scary ti think so many posters cannot see what's in front of their eyes.

If he had half a brain he'd have said it was from pre Big Apple. But that would depend on these jeans never being worn or washed. He couldn't be certain about that, and thought he might drop himself in it , so all he could come up with was he didn't know. And since then has bent over backwards to be nice. yeah. I bet he even starts washing more dishes.

Sorry OP but you are seeing and hearing what you want to.

Sassy306 · 23/11/2017 15:28

Im more confused about the condoms in the drawer???

You don't use them.....he moved in with you so he must have brought them with him or put them there sometime in the last 6 months.....how and why are they there? did he bring them from his old house just to fling them in his sock drawer at your house?

happypoobum · 23/11/2017 15:32

I am in my fifties and nothing has ever just apparated into my jeans pockets or into my bedside drawer that I didn't know about.

Amazing how it happens to so many men though...and it's usually condoms or viagra.

Such mysteries...................

PollyPerky · 23/11/2017 15:34

If they had a dog, he could blame the dog for putting it in his jeans, just like kids say the dog ate their homework. He sounds at about that level.

happypoobum · 23/11/2017 15:35

All cats are bastards - do you have a cat OP? Could they have squeezed the condom into your partners jeans pocket? And into his bedside drawer?

MidnightAura · 23/11/2017 15:39

I've read the full thread. I can't believe the best he could come up with is "i don't know baby"

I think he's cheating. Sorry. If I found a condom in DH's jeans I wouldn't accept "I don't know" Condoms don't just magically grow legs and walk into pockets or drawers.

MrsMoastyToasty · 23/11/2017 15:40

I would be getting suitcases out and packing them with his belongings.

TwattyvonTwatofTwatsville · 23/11/2017 15:42

I knew someone who's partner conducted an affair on a Friday lunchtime. Every Friday lunchtime, for months she would meet the OM for an hour, for sex. Never outside of this.

Her partner had no idea, until the OM's GF texted him after she found out.

I do think keep your wits about you OP.

Gemini69 · 23/11/2017 15:42

it's just plain weird Hmm

mistermagpie · 23/11/2017 15:46

It’s the only niggle you’ve had in six months isn’t much comfort surely? Six months is no time. The honeymoon period etc etc...

I’ve been with DH for six years and have never once had a niggle that he was cheating, that’s normal. Random condoms that appear in people’s drawers and pockets are not.

CardinalCat · 23/11/2017 15:52

erhaps slightly off-topic, but I would dump any man who called me 'babe'.

OP, glad you've made a decision. If it's what you want to do, you really have to put this behind you now because if you're not able to do that, you won't be able to move on, and the relationship will be tarnished for you anyway.

Going forwards, I think it's ok for you to be openly suspicious now, and if he is truly innocent and loving, he will be ok with that too. Trust, once wobbled, needs time to steady itself and get strong again.

Mxyzptlk · 23/11/2017 15:55

I think the ones in the drawer are believable as just stuff he had from before. The one in the pocket (a different type from the drawer ones, btw) is a bit more suspicious.
The OP doesn't want to chuck him out on that evidence, though, so what else can she do but carry on as normal?

happypoobum · 23/11/2017 15:58

But why would he have packed old condoms and brought them to OPs house with him?

Maybe it was the cat again...............

Copperkettles · 23/11/2017 16:02

Absolutely no problem with someone being given the benefit of the doubt. You know this guy. I hope it works out

Just for anyone reading who thinks 'he doesn't have time to cheat.'.. I once met a very busy man who his wife would definitely say that about. Ran a large business, had kids etc. Not a moment to spare in his day.

I spent 15 mins in his company on his lunchbreak once - totally a random meeting - and he was pushing for us to go and have sex. That was all I'd known him for - 15 minutes. He was clearly exceptionally well-practised at picking up women here there and everywhere and then going about his day. Had no qualms about suggesting it and he wasn't phased when I said no. It was clearly a case of he knew he'd try with someone else soon.

There is always the time and opportunity to cheat.

crimsonlake · 23/11/2017 16:08

I think we must respect the posters decision as she clearly wants to believe him, whether this is right or not only time will tell. However I would not be happy with her partners response, he seems to be making it a non issue and playing it down. If condoms had not been found in the drawer as well I may be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt for now. If he is cheating he will find the time somehow.

SparklyMagpie · 23/11/2017 16:09

Completely agree with PollyPerky

But wish you all the best OP

DubiousCredentials · 23/11/2017 16:09

I am genuinely shocked that anyone would accept “I don’t know” as an answer to “where did this condom I found in your jeans come from?” Confused

Tinselistacky · 23/11/2017 16:10

See you back here real soon op!!
Can't wait to see the next thread!!
'Found a gimp mask, dp says it's a face pack' Grin

Laiste · 23/11/2017 16:14

OP has started a thread for opinion. Opinions differ. She hasn't started the thread to get respect for her decisions (some do - but not this OP i think) she could ask a pet cat for that.

If this happened to a friend of mine i'd say fine, give him the benefit of the doubt, your decision of course. But i'd also be honest about the fact that i wouldn't be surprised to get another upset phone call from her sometime within the next 6 month time frame. (and if that happened i wouldn't say 'i told you so' but i'd be thinking it).

LIZS · 23/11/2017 16:15

Hmm whatever you do make sure you protect yourself with condoms going forwards and don't get pg.

TheDodgyEnd · 23/11/2017 16:22

Although I wish you all the happiness in the world, OP, I personally could never accept "I don't know" as a valid reason/excuse. But then I do only trust two people on this earth and neither of them are men.

Eliza9917 · 23/11/2017 16:23

bigapplerecords
Thank you all so much for the support.

He has been very understanding about why I am upset about it

I'm sure he is Hmm

We are together almost all of the time, we socialise together or go out with mutual friends if we go out alone, he's never been secretive with his phone, tablet or laptop - if he gets a message/notification on his phone and I'm closer to it, he will ask me to see who it is and I know his passcode - and i have the spare key for his car, so he wouldn't be hiding anything in there.

What happens in the future when he goes out? When he's late home? When he gets waylaid at the pub?

Mxyzptlk · 23/11/2017 16:25

But why would he have packed old condoms and brought them to OPs house with him?

Just because they were in his underwear drawer and were in date, so he didn't chuck them.

SonicBoomBoom · 23/11/2017 16:25

I would say that the one thing he can do to hell is come up with a better explanation than "I don't know where it came from".

I mean, he must have put it there...